With a huff, I slam the computer closed, and Noodle jumps awake at my side.
“I’m sorry, boy,” I say, rubbing his head when he closes the distance between us. I set the laptop back onto the coffee table and pull Noodle into my lap. I absentmindedly pet him while watching TV and sipping my wine.
“I wish you were the only man I needed, Noodle.”
He looks up at me with his big, crystal-blue eyes and lets out a whimper.
I laugh. “I know, I’m pathetic. Let’s go outside before bed, huh?”
With the magic word, he jumps off my lap and heads for the door. I open it, and he trots out across the lawn to do his business. I sit on the front step, gazing off into the darkness. My life certainly hasn’t turned out the way I pictured it. Back when I was in high school and head over heels in love with Memphis, I thought I knew how my life would turn out. I saw us getting married the moment we graduated high school. I thought we’d get right to work on building our home and starting a family. He’d work with his dad at his garage, eventually moving up to management and then owner when his father retired. I saw myself as a stay-at-home mom, taking care of the family and doing some online classes to maybe start up a business of my own. I thought we’d grow old together, watching as our children grew and moved out for bigger and better things. I shake my head at myself. Who thinks that way when they’re seventeen? That’s how in love with Memphis I was. College was never top priority for me. Neither was moving out of this small town I was born and raised in. I never dreamt of escaping, but apparently, Memphis did, and that’s exactly what he did the moment he graduated high school. He took the only thing I had left to offer, and he ran off with it, shattering my heart into a million tiny pieces.
Noodle is back and pulling me from my thoughts. “You ready to go to bed, boy?”
He doesn’t bark, but I see the little brown spots above his eyes lift up as a reply.
“Okay, let’s go.” I stand up and open the door, watching as he runs inside. I lock the door behind me and then quickly turn off the lights and TV in the living room before heading to my bedroom, where Noodle is already in bed, waiting for me.
I laugh as he tries crawling his way beneath the blankets. I pull down the comforter and slide under it. Noodle nuzzles down in bed, against my side. Even though it’s going on eleven and I have to work in the morning, I’m not sleepy. I grab my phone off the bedside table and pull up Facebook. Like a cruel prank I play on myself, I pull up Memphis’ page and scroll through for any updates.
There’s a picture of him sitting on the beach with a beautiful girl on either side of him. In the background is the water and setting sun. The post reads: Goodbye Florida. See ya next time, old friend.
I wonder where he’s jetting off to now. I don’t have time to focus on that because the look on his face steals the air from my lungs and has my heart doubling its pace. His big green eyes sparkle, the setting sun shining in them. They hold so many memories and feelings. I remember looking into those eyes and feeling like I was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. His lips are tipped upward in the corners, giving him just the hint of a smile. His shapely jaw is covered in a light scruff, not enough to be a beard, but just enough to make him look dangerous and sexy, and his dirty blond hair is cut so short, it’s standing straight up despite the water beaded up on his face and chest. I can still feel his rough, calloused hands on my body when we’d get a little carried away in the back of his fathers garage. I can still taste his lips on mine. I can still smell his scent on this old T-shirt I still wear that used to be his.
If Pearl knew that I still had this shirt, let alone still wear it, I know she’d be planning a bon fire, and it’d be the first thing to get thrown in. I pull the collar of the shirt up over my nose and breathe in deep. It’s been worn and washed many, many times over the years, but that part of my brain that’s still in love with him can still smell him on the thin material. I think back to the day he tossed me this shirt.
We’d been playing around by the pool. We were laughing and joking around as he lunged for me, wrapping his strong arms around me. He pulled me against him to tickle my sides. I jumped away and fell right into the pool. When I broke the surface, I couldn’t even be mad. He was standing there, eyes full of tears from laughing so hard. His smile was breathtaking. He pulled me out of the pool and took me into the house to dry off. He insisted on drying my clothes and gave me this T-shirt to wear while I waited. When my clothes were dry, I refused to give it back. I loved the way the soft fabric felt against my skin. But most of all, I loved being surrounded in his scent.
When he drove me home that night, I matter-of-factly told him the shirt was payback for making me fall in the pool, and he didn’t bother to argue. Instead, he placed his hand under my chin and pulled me closer for a kiss, whispering something about how he liked the way it looked on me.
A sigh escapes my lips when I relive that memory. A place in my chest sends a sharp pain through me, reminding myself of just how broken I really am. No wonder I can’t fall in love with anyone in this town. Deep down, I know that he’s the only one who can put all my broken pieces together, but I’m determined to find a way around it. He’s long gone and doesn’t look to be missing me in the slightest.
I drop the phone back onto my table and turn off the light, sinking down into my bed. Noodle crawls up until I can wrap my arm around him. I pull him to my chest as I lie on my side, dreaming of the day that I get to meet Paul, the only person who’s willing to try and save me from my past.
Two
Memphis
“I’m so glad you’re home,” Mom gushes as she pulls me in for a hug the second I walk through the door.
I hug her close. “Me too, Ma.” I kiss the top of her head before she pulls away.
“Come on in here and sit down. Let me make you something to eat,” she insists, dragging me into the kitchen and pushing me down into a chair in the kitchen.
“Where’s Dad?” I ask, fiddling around with the place mat on the glass table.
“You know your father. It’s Thursday night.”
“The Place,” we both say at the same time and laugh.
“They’ve got dollar beer on Thursday nights. He’ll sit there, drink his fair share of beer, and put away a bucket of wings. Then he’ll stumble home three sheets to the wind.” She rolls her eyes before topping my sandwich with the second slice of bread.
She brings the plate over to the table and sets it down in front of me before moving to the fridge and grabbing me a bottle of water. She sits at in the empty chair to my side. “So, tell me what’s going on in your life.”
I shrug as I pick up my sandwich and take a bite. “Not much of anything, I guess,” I say around a mouthful. “Just been taking it easy and trying to find my place in life now that I’m out, you know?”
She nods. “Well, if you need something to help pass the time, I know your father can use an extra set of hands at the garage.”
“What happened to Greg? I thought he’d been helping out?”
“He did, well, does when it fits into his schedule. But he needs someone to be there day in and day out instead of rushing back to the garage at all hours of the day and night to receive a late delivery. Plus, he’s getting old, honey. You know it’s always been his dream to see you take over the place. And I know you have dreams of your own, but deep down, I think your father has only kept the place to wait for your return. He didn’t want to sell it while you were away and then have you return to nothing.”