I nod at her words as I chew my sandwich and think about the possibility of returning to the shop, the place I escaped almost ten years ago.
“I see Jade from time to time,” she says, pulling me from my thoughts.
My eyes leap up and lock on hers. “She’s still around here?” I ask, knowing damn well that she is. I haven’t been able to stop myself from Googling her over the years, wondering if she got the love she always deserved. I expected to see her married with a few kids by now, maybe even a white picket fence.
Mom smiles. “She is. She’s working at Doc Marshall’s. We always chat when I take Butter in and we run into each other here and there at the market.”
I look down at the mini Aussie at my feet, sleeping away. When I saw that Jade had posted about the mini Aussies being sold in town, I sent a screenshot to my mom, who had also been looking for a pet. She went the same day and picked out Butter. She and Jade settled on their names together…without me.
“She always asks about you, you know?” she adds.
“Mom, Jade and I…”
“She still loves you. I can see it in her eyes every time we run into one another. Why you left that girl the way you did, I’ll never understand.” She shakes her head.
I take a deep breath. “You know the reason, Mom. And please don’t bring me up to her again. She deserves to move on and find a man who will treat her right. She’s always deserved more than I could offer.”
“Memphis Andrew Styles,” Mom chastises. “I don’t know why you can see yourself the way I see you. You’re a catch, and you’re good looking. Any woman would be proud to have you on her arm.” She stands up and pushes in her chair. “And just for the record,” she levels her eyes on me, “I don’t bring you up. She does. What do you think that means, Mr. Know-It-All?” She turns and walks out of the kitchen, down the hall, and to her room. I hear the soft click of the door closing between us.
Fuck. Has Jade been waiting on me all this time? There has to be a reason she hasn’t moved on, right? Surely, she can’t still love me, not after all these years, not after the way I took her virginity and left her without a goodbye or even an explanation. At the time, it seemed like the best choice I could’ve made. I knew saying goodbye would be too hard on both of us, but I knew it was something I had to do. I had to see what else was out there. I had to find myself and try escaping the life I knew was expected of me, a life where I would have simply taken over my father’s garage. I never would have escaped this town. I never would have seen what else the world had to offer. And telling her goodbye, that would’ve killed me. I would’ve died having to watch the tears fall from her eyes. Just thinking about it feels like a knife to the gut. But my biggest reason for leaving the way I did: I didn’t want to give her the chance to talk me out of it. I didn’t want to risk the chance of backing out. I knew what I had to do, and I did it, ignoring the explosion I knew would go off the second she realized I was gone. This way, things were just easier, cleaner. I know it makes me a dick, but it was the only way that made sense to me at the time. I was just an eighteen-year-old kid who felt like his whole life had already been planned out.
I finish my sandwich and put the plate in the dishwasher before starting it and heading back to my old room. I’ve been gone for nearly ten years, but I’ve come home for a visit or two here and there. I was always careful. I never wanted to run into her or anyone who would tell her I was in town. I laid low, just hanging out at home or in the garage with my family. So, while it hasn’t been ten years since I’ve been in my room, it has been nearly that long since I actually looked at this room.
I’m standing in front of my dresser, putting away my clothes, when a framed picture catches my eye. I pick it up and look closer. It’s a picture Mom had taken from the football stands. We’d just won the big game and Jade rushed into my arms. I had just taken off my football helmet, and my hair and face were covered in dirt and sweat. But she didn’t care. She jumped into my arms and I caught her, pulling her against me for a long, lip-crushing kiss. At the time, I had no idea the moment was being captured, but looking at this picture makes me happy that it was. Just seeing this picture of us kissing has my heart racing. My lips tingle the way they always did when I was lucky enough to have them on her. My stomach muscles tighten as the intense yearning to go find her takes over.
I shake my head, clearing the thoughts. I can’t go find her. I won’t allow it. I’ve caused her enough pain. I don’t know how long the two of us can live in the same small town without bumping into one another, but I do know that I won’t force myself back into her life. I can at least give her that much.
When I get to the bottom drawer of my dresser, I find that it’s still packed full of my old clothes, things I haven’t seen since high school. I sit on the floor and dig through it all, holding up shirt after shirt. I bought most of them as donations for the school: my football camp T-shirt, sock hop shirt, graduating class shirt, spring fling. Then I get to the last thing in the drawer. It’s the suit I wore to prom. I remember when I took it off. I was so annoyed, I buried it, never wanting to see it again. Prom was amazing and I had the time of my life, especially the time I spent with Jade. But I had been planning on breaking the news to her about me leaving. I chickened out, though, and instead took the one thing I could never give back: her virginity.
I woke up that next morning so pissed at myself that I wanted to forget that it even happened. I wanted to forget, but I never did. I stuffed it down in this drawer in hopes of never remembering the way she made me feel.
I pull out the shirt and toss it into the pile of clothes to throw out. The jacket is next. It still has the blue flower pinned to the lapel. I take off the flower and place it on the dresser, then I throw the jacket behind me. I pick up the dress pants, and something falls out of the pocket. I toss the pants onto the stack and pick up the small piece of lace that fell from the pocket. I hold it out, finding the pair of panties that Jade had been wearing that night.
They’re black and completely see through. I remember the way I felt when I got a full view of her in these. Her alabaster skin was practically glowing in comparison to her jet-black panties. I remember kissing my way up her thigh, then pulling these off and tossing them onto the floor to finally reveal all of her. Just the memory has my dick hardening and straining against the zipper of my jeans.
I wad up the panties and turn to throw them into the discard pile, but my hand won’t release them. This is all I have left of her. This, a few pictures…and all these memories. Instead of throwing them away, I stuff them into my top desk drawer, wanting to hold onto this piece of her a little while longer.
Three
Jade
A week has passed, and I’m slightly annoyed by the fact that I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to Paul. We have an outstanding online date: every night at eight o’clock, we both log on no matter what we’re doing. He hasn’t signed in all week, and a part of me is left wondering if he’s tired of me already. Even though I don’t know if he’s real, I feel like I’ve lost a friend. I pull out my phone and look at the picture he sent me. His dark hair is styled perfectly and combed neatly to the side. His blue eyes are striking against his tanned skin. And in this shirtless pic, his muscles ripple. It makes me wonder how a man that looks this good isn’t already tied down, which only makes me worry more that what we have isn’t real.