“Hazel, baby girl, please.” Heath tries to dissolve the situation, but she pushes off him, breathing heavily.
“Oh, no. Don’t you pull this baby girl bullshit on me! You should know better. You should fucking know better!” she yells, her voice cracking. “How could you? She was my friend.”
“I’m still your friend!”
She comes at me again, and Heath barely catches her before she takes a swing, her nails making contact and scratching down my cheek. “Fuck you! You’re not my friend! You never were. Slut! Whore! Fucking tramp! No wonder your mother hates you. You probably did sleep with her boyfriends!”
“Hazel, that’s enough!” Heath growls, but her words already do the damage she intended. I take in the scene before me. A ruined relationship between a father and daughter because of my issues. I should have never pursued Heath. I should have cared enough about my relationship with Hazel to stay away. Cared enough about myself and not wanting to be exactly what my mother blamed me for being. But it’s what I’ve become.
I wipe away the shameful tears, trying to gather myself. “I’m sorry. I never meant for you to find out this way.”
“Too late. Get the fuck out of my house.” She heaves in her father’s arms.
“I’ll take you home.”
“No, you won’t!” Hazel snaps. “She’s a big girl, she can find her own way home.”
“Hazel—”
I step in, needing this to end. “No, she’s right. I’m fine.” I barely keep eye contact with Heath as I grab my bag and leave. The second the door slams shut, there’s an explosion of glass shattering, Hazel’s screams, and Heath’s booming growl. I don’t stick around to see how it pans out and catch the first bus right back to campus.
Violet
I’ve had some low times in my life, but nothing compares to the devastation of what I’ve done. I woke up this morning after spending most of the night crying, hoping I would have a message, a missed call, anything that shows I was something more to Heath than a dirty little secret. My heart broke for how Hazel found out. It should have never been that way. We should have told her.
Just when I think there’s nothing left in me, my eyes still manage to work up the tears. I’ve left several messages for Hazel to call me back, hear me out, let me explain. But they’ve all gone unanswered. She truly hates me, and she should. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I move out? Wait for her to return so she can scratch my eyes out? Do I fight for this? What is there to fight for when he doesn’t want you? The truth is a hard pill to swallow, and I’m forced to choke on the reality of it all. He doesn’t really want me. I punch my pillow, ashamed that I allowed this fantasy to go this far. I let my mind create this perfect world where we actually worked. Where Hazel accepted us along with the rest of the world. Where we took the good with the bad while living together in this happily ever after.
“So fucking foolish. I am just like my mother,” I cry into my pillow, hating the person I’ve become. How could I even think Hazel would accept it? I was fucking her dad for Christ’s sake! I am a whore, a slut. I cry for the wrong I’ve done and the mess I’m unable to clean up. When there are no more tears to shed, I get up and come to terms with my actions. If there’s one thing I can do for Hazel, it’s to not be here when she gets back to school.
I have no idea where I’ll go, but I pack enough stuff to last me a few days until I figure out my living situation. The money I have saved will allow me to get a cheap motel for a couple days until the school places me somewhere else. I think about what my mom is going to say. Her words ring like broken bells in my ear. “I told you so.” She always knew I was a temptress, luring those men in. This is no different.
With it being Sunday, registration and housing are closed. I trek the three miles past campus to the cheapest motel, taking a detour at a coffee café when I see him. Fuck.
“Hey, there. Wow, you look like…you okay?” Jim is sitting in the booth alone, a bunch of papers in front of him.
“Yeah. Hey. Just having trouble sleeping.” I step up in line when he scoots out of his seat, pulls me away, and guides me to sit down. I should tell him no, but I’m on autopilot. My feet are sore from walking in the heat, and I’m mentally and physically exhausted. “Let me get you some water. Coffee?” I nod, thankful he can be nice to me after the way I treated him. I don’t deserve him to be.
When he returns, I chug the water, not realizing how thirsty I was. The last time I had anything to drink or eat was yesterday at…
“Hey…hey, you sure you’re okay?”
I suck in a deep breath, trying to rein in my emotions. “Yeah, just problems at home. I’m sorry. This is not normally me. I’m just…” Ashamed. Heartbroken. Alone. “I should probably let you finish your—”
“Not a chance. I’m not letting you leave this upset. You look super pale. When was the last time you ate?” Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. “Oookay! That’s it. You’re coming with me.”
He quickly gathers his things, tucks me under his arm, and escorts me out of the café. I’m numb to my surroundings as he puts me in his car, and we start to drive.
“Where are we going?” He doesn’t answer right away, and it makes me uneasy. “Jim, you know, really, I’m fine. If you could just let me out here—”
“It’s not fine, Violet. I know what happened to you. It was him, wasn’t it?”
“Him, who? Jim, seriously, let me out.” I grab at the handle, but the door is locked.
“I should have reported him to the cops the second I saw you two.”
“Wait, Jim. I think you have the wrong idea. Please, just pull over. I want to get out.” He does the opposite and speeds up. My hands begin to shake. Without bringing attention to myself, I take out my phone and hit redial, pulling up the last person I called. Shit. Hazel. Please pick up, please pick up.
“I’ve invested a lot of time in you, Violet. It’s about time you let me take care of you.”
“What are you talking about? We don’t even know each other.”
He slams his fist on the steering wheel, his speed increasing. “I’ve watched you since the first day of class. It wasn’t by accident I ran into you at that party. I cared enough to track you down. Because I knew how special you were. I put in the time. I gave you the proper space and time it takes when courting a girl.”
Courting? What the fuck? “This is insane. I never showed interest in you. Slow down. You’re gonna kill us.”
“Never showed interest? All the times you stayed after class to talk to me! Gave me your number! Danced with me!”
“You got my attention, Hazel gave you my number, and it was just a dance. Jesus, this is insane! Pull the fuck over!”
“NO!” Jim blows a stop sign, and I scream, blocking my eyes as he almost hits a pedestrian.
“Jim, slow down!”
“You are one ungrateful bitch, you know that!” He takes one hand off the steering wheel to claw at my thigh. “You looked at me with those eyes—those fuck me eyes. Don’t fucking lie to me and tell me you didn’t lead me on.”