We sit in silence, but I feel her eyes on me, and it's starting to annoy me.
"You may take your turn." I tell her.
"She is the one that will help you, you brought her here because you were missing something, she gave you that. You smiled, Atlas." Beth moves the chair closer to me and takes my hand in hers. "You love her, she loves you, why push her away now?"
"I can hurt her, or worst, I could kill her. You think I’d be able to live with myself after that?"
I know I went to a dark place after Lucy, but if anything happens to Brooklyn, I don't think it will be a place I will be going to, rather it will be a box as I won't live. I know that.
"Do you truly think you would hurt her if it came down to it, do you think you would hurt her?" I don't answer her because right now I don't know what I would do, my head has more darkness running through it right now, that I don't even know what I should be doing.
"If Brooklyn is here, I'm going to be over at the club," I get up and look at Beth. "And if you and Brooklyn know what's best, she won't be coming over there." I know Brooklyn will fight to see me, she is a fighter, but the club is and will always be off-limits for her.
I stop at the door when she calls my name again.
"Atlas, I want you to really think about it, if it came down to it, would you hurt Brooklyn?"
Without saying a word I get to the club and take my usual spot in the corner trying to shut off the world around. I need to focus on getting my mind back to myself, the person that had breakdowns, but was okay after talking about it. Now that Brooklyn is safe, I know nothing will happen to her. If I can give my head a few days break from everything, I can get back to myself.
Dreams can be a way into the mind; for me, my mind has always been with Atlas. My emotions, sensations, have been with him for so long now, that I don't know what I should be doing when he's not around me.
The last two days, my dreams have been going crazy, I've been drawing a lot, to get the images out of my head.
These haven't been the simple dreams of his eyes, or me tied up, these were new, well new-ish. The first time I had this type of dream was about three months after the surgery, but I brushed it off. Since then, I never had another one like that again, until the other night. Now for two nights, they seem to be getting more intense, to the point that I'm getting turned on.
The touch of Atlas’ lips on my skin, his hand moving over my body like he wants to touch every part of it, he's soft and gentle- something we haven't been. Every time Atlas took me, it was rough and hard, but my dreams are sweet and gentle.
I haven’t seen him for two days. Beth told me he’s spending his time at the club. I know he is over there because I refuse to go back to my apartment. I'm sticking with that too, I know that I can help Atlas if he lets me, but he is one stubborn man.
Fighting this war alone, when there are people in his life that want to help him. Instead of hiding away, he needs to talk about it. If he doesn't want to talk to me or his friends, then he needs to find someone that he can talk to.
Closing my drawing pad, I make my way downstairs for lunch.
They haven't been telling me about how Atlas is doing, but today I'm getting some answers from them, and I don't care if Atlas told them not to tell me.
I'm getting my man out of this hell, and back home, and they will help me, or I'm going to the one place Atlas has ticked off for me, and I will blame them for it. So today I will get my answers one way or the other.
"Gino, this salad looks so good," I stand by the counter as I watch him plate the salad for all of us.
"Tuna, like you wanted," he turns his head a little to me and gives me a smile.
I make my way over to the table, and see that they are all there.
"I take it the king is too busy to join us for lunch?" I ask them as I sit down. "So what is he doing today? A meeting? An interview with a new staff member?" I look at them all staring at me, but Rhys has a smile on his face.
"What do you want us to say, Brooklyn?" Aiden asks.
"Tell me how he is?" I reply.
I know they won't say anything, I've had this conversation with them enough to know they won't, so today I'm throwing in the only wild card that I have to use. The club.
"I think I might go over to the club later and-"
"Atlas will fucking lose it with you," Beth tells me, and I return a smile.
"With me, no. Atlas will lose it with you for two reasons. One I'm going to tell him that you brought me over there to talk to him, or he will be mad at you because you couldn't even stop me from going over there." I take a mouthful of my salad and let the information settle with them for a moment.
You can see it on their faces, they're trying to work out what they should do. Should they tell me, or piss Atlas off even more?
"This salad is good, don't you think?" I ask them.
"He's not slept in two days, he's been drinking a lot. There’s nothing much to say," Aiden tells me.
Not sure what to say to them. I knew Atlas was going to go to a dark place, but not sleeping in two days can make anyone go to one fucked up place.
"And are you planning on letting him drink himself to death?" I ask. I mean they should be stopping him, taking the drink off him, locking him in a fucking room or something, but for two days, they've been watching him drink.
"You think we haven't tried?" Rhys bites back.
"Well, you've not been doing a good job if he's still drinking," I retort back with a sneer.
"Let me go over there, just-"
"Not happening," Beth cuts me off.
"Then we have to do something, Atlas is getting worse, and he won't come over here for me to talk to him," I tell them.
I know if I can get into a room with him, talk to him, he won't hurt me. He loves me too much to hurt me, he won't listen to these three, but I'm going to make him listen to me.
"Until he doesn't come over here, I don't-"
"Maybe if we let her-"
"Beth, Atlas will hate us. When he passes out, I'm going to bring him up to his bed, lock the fucking door, let him go cold turkey, then-"
"Let me see him just for a-"
"Are you crazy?" Beth asks in shock.
"Do any of you think he will hurt me?" I ask and wait for them to reply. Now I know and believe he won't hurt me.
"No, but-"
"But nothing, if he is passed out, he won't hurt me. Handcuff him to the bed, and then he won't be able to move." I know I can fight this over and over again until they give in, I mean they have to get fed up with me sooner or later. "So you can agree with me now, and Atlas can get back to normal, and I can stop annoying you."
I sit back in my chair and watch the three of them exchanging looks with each other. They know this is the best way and at the moment the only way.
"If he wakes up cuffed, he's going to think he's back there. Sorry, can't do that," Rhys tells me, and I can see he’s right.
"Fine, just put him in the room and-"
"Brooklyn, you have to see it from our point." Beth takes my hand in hers. "We love Atlas, but he's not in the right mind at the moment."