Last night was the worst of all, I knew it was coming. This isn't the first time I've been through withdrawals so I know what to expect. The anxiety of being back there, vomits, shakes, it's been continuous all night.
Brooklyn has been with me through the whole thing. She didn't take my cuffs off, and a part of me was happy because I don't think I could have stopped myself. My head had been flashing some of the most fucked up images, images that would have made me drink, but then I felt like the biggest fucker on the plant. Brooklyn was there trying to calm me, kept me cool, held the bowl when I was throwing up, telling me we can get over anything together.
Never in a million years did I want Brooklyn to see me like this. Broken.
I kept asking her to leave and send in the guys, but she didn't back down. There must have been a time that I passed out because when I woke up, my arms were more moveable. I realized they still had me cuffed, but with a chain, so that I could at least go to the toilet alone. I have to say the first few times, I needed Brooklyn to help me walk over there, as I was too weak to move.
I look over at her on the chair, busy drawing something, she still hasn't shown me what it is, but whatever it is, it makes her smile. I've seen her smile to herself as she draws, which I think is so cute.
One thing the last forty-eight hours has proven to me is, I love Brooklyn with every part of my body and soul, and to make her happy I will do whatever she asks of me.
"I will talk to someone." I hear the pencil drop on the pad, and the smile on her face is huge. "I promise I will talk to someone at least once, after that I can't-"
"Once is enough." She jumps on the bed and wraps her arms around me. "Thank you."
I pull her in tighter, this is all I want. To hold Brooklyn for every single day of my life.
"I love you and I want you to be happy."
Brooklyn pulls away from me, still smiling. "I am happy, you make me happy," she tells me.
"Before I kiss you, I need a shower, I need to clean up," I tell her, as much as I want to kiss her, I know that I look and feel like shit, and I think my girl deserves so much better than that.
"I will ask Gino to make dinner, fancy anything nice?" Brooklyn gets off the bed, and closes her drawing pad, and throws it on top of the other.
"I don’t mind anything," I reply, as I put my hand out to her, and she looks at it. "I need the key to get these off."
She starts laughing and opens the top drawer of my side table and hands me the key. She had the key in reaching distance to me. My girl really isn't as easy to trick as I thought. One thing I've loved about her the most is the fact that she fought me on what I was saying, she fought for me.
"I will wait downstairs," she leans down and gives me a kiss on the cheek, then leaves the room.
I take the cuffs off and rub my hands around my wrist. I look down and see that Brooklyn has bandaged it up, as I take it off, I see how red they are and that my skin has been cut too. That girl is my angel, the one that loves me with everything inside me too.
I stare at her drawing pads, I want to see what she has been drawing, it's the one thing that kept her smiling.
Fighting myself thinking whether I should or shouldn't, but before I can make a choice, I'm standing holding the closed drawing pad, but it's not the pad that has my attention, it's the one underneath it.
It takes me a moment to drop the pad in my hand, and reach for the other. I know Brooklyn has been drawing dreams that she's been having of me, but I thought they stopped once she knew the truth.
As I study the drawing, I realize something. The sketch isn’t of a past memory or Lucy’s; it belongs to Brooklyn. It’s her dream sketch. I pick up the pad and just look at the details in the image. This is what Brooklyn is dreaming of right now, and this is what I will give her. She has helped me through the worst I've ever been, and I want to make every dream of hers come true, and tonight I'm starting with this. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I woke up and watched her sleep in the chair with a blanket. She could have left and asked Aiden and Rhys to accompany me. But no. Brooklyn wanted to stay with me and fight for us.
So I can make this dream come true for her.
Now I know I could have dressed in a suit, but today I'm not even thinking about work. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I head downstairs and see my family. They had put faith in Brooklyn, and did the right thing. I don't think I would have got past this if it wasn't for her.
The laughing coming from the kitchen makes me smile, as I get closer to them, I see Beth looking at me with smiling eyes. As I get closer to the table, Beth stands up and gives me a hug.
"So good to see your face," she says.
"Feels good to be back," I tell her, as her arms tighten around me.
"I will tell Gino that we are ready, when he is," Brooklyn walks away from the table, and gives me a moment with three of them.
"I take it you being free means you're going to talk to someone." Aiden looks over at me, then over to Brooklyn. "Happy you are, that girl is a lot stronger than she looks."
"I said I will talk to someone, if she could stay in a room with me, and listen to all the shit I was saying, I can do this for her," I tell them, and Beth takes my hand in hers and gives a pat.
Her fingers move to the red marks on my wrist.
"I think they would have looked a lot worse, if Brooklyn didn't look after them," I give Beth a wink, trying to lighten the mood for her. "Now all I want for her is to be happy," I tell Beth, as I know that's all she wants for the three of us.
"Before you ask, the club has been fine, we have some new clients that want to join, but we've put them on hold, and two new staff members, and training them is fine too." Rhys starts laughing, as Brooklyn joins the table again.
"Food smells good," Brooklyn tells us.
I pull her chair closer to me, wrapping my arm around the back of it.
"Spoke to Gabby last night, she asked if you have plans on calling her," Brooklyn looks over at Aiden who ignores her and drinks his beer.
Looks like I've missed something here, but until Aiden isn't going to tell us, I'm not asking.
"Do you know if the gardeners have finished the rose garden?" Brooklyn asks.
"What rose garden?" I ask, I know we have a lot of flowers out there, but a rose garden is not out there.
"Brooklyn said she wanted a rose garden and spoke to Lewis about it. He said you only asked him three days ago, and the drawing you gave him, he said it will take him a while yet." Beth tells her, which now makes me want to see what it looks like.
"I really don't think it was going to take that lon-"
"It's only been three days, I think it took you three days to draw it," Rhys laughs at Brooklyn, and she juts her tongue out at him, which makes me chuckle to myself.
I thank Gino for dinner, as he tells me it's nice to see me healthy again. I watch Brooklyn as she jokes with the guys as they all eat their food.
"I have to make a phone call," I lean closer to Brooklyn to let her know where I'm going, I don't go far, outside in the garden so that she can still see me. I know that Brooklyn trusts me enough, and won't question me, but at the moment I just want her to know that I'm not far from her.