“Forgave you? For what? Leaving?”
“For Marilee. He said he forgave me for what happened to Marilee.”
“What was to forgive?”
“Marilee had called me. From the party. Asked me to pick her up. I didn’t go because I was being the good girl. Obeying the curfew that Dad hit me with after he found out about you. I didn’t get her. She told me never mind she would figure out, and she got into the accident,” she said.
“How is that your fault?”
Sarah shrugged. “If I had picked her up, she might not have been in that car with Denise.”
Logan caught her by her shoulders. “How can you possibly take that on? How can you possibly think it’s your responsibility that she lived or died?”
His eyes blazed into hers and for a moment Sarah feared what she had unleashed. Then she realized his anger was not directed toward her, but toward the guilt she carried. Guilt that no one had ever addressed because how Marilee died was never talked about.
“She had other options. I know who was at that party, and not everyone left drunk. She could have gotten a ride with many other people, but she chose Denise because Marilee always, always lived on the edge,” Logan continued. “She didn’t have to go to that party. She could have stayed home like you did.”
“I had no choice.”
“But she did. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. She was just being typical Marilee when she called you, knowing that she could count on you to pick her up and then cover for her when you got home or, even better, take the heat for both of you being out at night past your curfew. Marilee always took very good care of Marilee. And in your heart you know that.”
As he spoke, Sarah clung to his words, hardly daring to take the comfort he was offering with them: the assurance that she had done nothing wrong by doing nothing for her sister that night. That she was simply a bystander and that Marilee’s tragedy was of her own doing.
And yet, in spite of what he was telling her, she couldn’t extinguish the small spark of disloyalty she felt in putting aside the guilt she had carried so long.
“You know I’m right, Sarah. You do. Marilee was spoiled and selfish and your father had a lot to do with that…”
“She was a fun-loving person,” Sarah said, defending her beloved sister.
“She was,” Logan said. “And I don’t want to talk ill of someone who can’t defend themselves, but I’m laying out the reality of Marilee’s life for your sake, not to take away from who she was. She was too big a part of your and Frank’s life. She took over that house.”
Sarah thought of Marilee’s room. “She still does. Her room hasn’t changed.”
“What do you mean?”
“My dad left everything the same in that room. Her shirt is still hanging over the back of the chair, just as she left it the night she died. He put a lock on the door just before Christmas.”
“You should clean that up.”
“But my dad—”
“Is in the hospital and has controlled enough of your life.” Logan shook his head and emitted an exasperated sigh. “You’ve spent enough time pleasing him. He doesn’t deserve your devotion.”
“Pleasing the wrong father…”
“What?”
“I’ve had this phrase going through my mind. That I’ve spent a lot of my life pleasing the wrong father.”
“Instead of pleasing God?”
“I used to care about my relationship with God, but if I look back, I think my relationship with my earthly father took the upper hand.”
“My dad always used to tell me that we put God and Jesus first in our lives, but that never made much sense to me,” Logan said quietly. “My dad was here on earth, so I could directly talk to him. God was much harder. I always had a hard time concentrating when I was praying.”
Sarah smiled at his honesty. “What was your relationship with your father like?”
Logan smiled, looking off into the middle distance. “We had fun together. He was honest. Whenever I got into trouble in school he stood up for me. He was a good man who didn’t deserve what happened to him.”
“The trial?”
Logan’s features tightened. “The trial absolutely drained him and my mom—and what made it worse was how he was treated in the community even after he was found innocent. It was like the false accusations had stained him for life.”
“I remember how my dad used to talk about it,” Sarah said quietly.
“Your father has a lot to answer for, a lot that—” Logan bit off the last word as if he was going to say more.
“Are you talking about the contract you said you’re trying to get back?”
“Yeah. Except there have been a few glitches with that as well. But I’m working on it.”
“How?”
“I’m trying to buy it from the guy your father gave it to. Crane Overstreet.”
“But if my father gave it to Crane, why is he trying to sell it to you?” Sarah had been somewhat aware of her father’s construction company’s operations, but didn’t always understand the intricacies of the business end.
“Because Crane claims it has a value. And he’s right. A contract with Westerveld Construction is not only lucrative, it’s stable. Or can be.”
“But if my dad took it away once, couldn’t he do it again?”
“My dad could have legally fought what your father did. That contract was binding, but after the trial my father didn’t have the energy or the resources.”
“And you do?”
“I have the energy. I would never let your father push me around like he did my dad. Deceive me like he did my dad. Ever.”
The steel in his voice made Sarah uncomfortable and her instinctive need to stand up for her father came to the fore. “I know my dad isn’t perfect. I know he’s made mistakes…”
“I’m sorry. I know he’s still your father and all, but Sarah, he’s a complicated man and he’s got a lot to answer for. Not only with my father, but with you as well. What he said about forgiving you for Marilee, what he said about the wrong daughter dying… A father cares about his children more than he cares about himself.” Logan’s earnest voice pushed at her fragile defenses. “My father always put us first. Always took our side. When I came home from school with a bloody nose or a black eye because I got into a fight with someone over what they said about him, the only thing he would say was a gentle reminder to love my enemies. Something I’m not that good at, I’ll have to admit.”
Sarah was jealous of both what Logan told her and the obvious love in his voice when he talked about his father. “You really loved your father, didn’t you?” Sarah asked.
“Dearly. Deeply. I miss him. He had a good perspective on life. He had a strong faith. When he died…” Logan stopped there.
The sleigh moved ahead a bit and Logan gently pulled on the reins, talking to his horses. The horses his father had trained.
“I’m so sorry, Logan.”
He shrugged. “I am too. I’m sorry that people believed he did what he had been falsely accused of. That was hard on my father’s pride and hard on my family. I’m glad his name was cleared, but that was a long, hard road that he shouldn’t have had to travel. He was a good man.”