Even though Logan’s father was dead, Sarah still felt a touch of jealousy, owing to the love and conviction in Logan’s voice.
Logan toyed with the ends of the reins, then turned to her. “Have you ever wondered why your father disliked my family so much?”
“Often. I even asked my father once and he got angry enough that I didn’t bother asking again. I always wondered why, though.”
“I think it was guilt.”
“Over the contract?”
Logan looked down at his hands as if weighing his words. After a long silence, he spoke. “My father asked Frank to be a character witness for him. My father always got along with his partner. To think that he would have cheated him was ludicrous. Frank knew all this, knew how they got along, but when my father asked, Frank refused.”
“Why?”
“My mother told me it was because Frank has harbored an attraction to my mother which she rebuffed. She claims that Frank was jealous of my father and was punishing her through him.”
As he spoke, lights flicked on in Sarah’s mind. Her father’s unreasoning anger toward the Carletons, how his face would tighten up whenever anyone mentioned Donna’s name. An old, forgotten conversation meandered into her mind… Marilee commenting on a dress Donna had worn to church and how pretty she thought it was. This triggered a long lecture about the evils of putting our looks before our service to God that had always puzzled Sarah. Until now.
She suddenly felt as if she had lived a life of well-guarded innocence and misplaced trust. How could her father have done this?
“I’m sorry, Sarah,” Logan said. “I shouldn’t have told you. It’s just, I’ve had such struggles with your father.”
“Father. Such that he is. This evening, when your mom read out loud that Bible passage about a father having compassion on his children…” Sarah laughed, but without humor. “I wonder if a lot of my struggles with God were because I pictured him as my father was. And as I mulled this over, I realized all along I’ve been trying to please the wrong father.”
“And now?”
“Now, I want to get myself right with God. My father? I don’t know about him anymore. Not after what he did. Not after what you just told me.”
“He hasn’t been much of a father to you, has he?”
She shook her head. “Not really. Of course, once I’m gone, I won’t have to worry about him being a father at all. Won’t have to see him regularly.”
Logan’s frown deepened and Sarah realized what she had just said. The implication that she was leaving.
Well, she was, wasn’t she? Did she really want to stay here with a bitter man who couldn’t even see her as his own daughter? A man who would harbor such jealousy and anger toward innocent people?
The horses stamped, jerking the sleigh forward a few inches.
“Something brought you back here, though, Sarah. Something made you return.”
“That something was a note from my father and a chance to spend some time with my family.” She turned to Logan. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me growing up, wondering if I was ever going to be good enough for him? Wondering what I could possibly do to please him? I broke up with you because of him, Logan.”
His expression was veiled. “I know…I guess I was hoping to hear that part of the reason you came back was that unfinished business with us.”
Sarah held his gaze, her breath quickening. Her feelings for Logan were becoming stronger. Stronger even than when she was a fresh-faced teenage girl.
Sure, Logan was on her mind when she made her plans. And now that she had found out the truth about him and Marilee, so much between them had shifted and changed.
But what was she supposed to do with it? She hadn’t planned on reuniting with him. Yet, here she was, in his sleigh. She had kissed him and enjoyed it.
“I missed you.”
“And now?”
She still had plans, didn’t she? Could she change them? Because being with Logan meant she wouldn’t be free of her father at all.
“I don’t know, Logan. Can we just take things as they come?”
He was quiet, holding her gaze, as if trying to see deep into her soul.
“We can. But I’m not the most patient man.”
“Neither are the horses,” Sarah said, trying to lighten the mood that had fallen over them. “I think they’re getting restless.”
“Yeah. I suppose they are.” Logan gathered up the reins and clucked to the horses, and with a light jerk they were off. The steel runners of the sleigh hissed over the crisp snow, the moon shadow chasing Logan, Sarah, and the horses down the trail toward Logan’s home.
They pulled up to the barn, but before Sarah could get out of the sleigh, Logan stopped her. “Billy’s team is playing this weekend here in town. Do you want to go?”
Sarah tested the thought, wondered how she would feel about watching the team and, even more important, what her family would say if she showed up with Logan.
“I’m thinking this could fall under the umbrella of taking things as they come,” Logan said quietly. “And aren’t you even a little bit curious about how the boys are doing?”
“I am actually. I’d love to go.” The thought of spending time with Logan in public held a certain appeal.
“I’ll pick you up on Saturday.”
“And I’ll be waiting.”
Chapter Thirteen
The ringing of the phone cut off Logan’s meandering thoughts. His heart jumped when he saw Westerveld on the call display, but by the time he answered he realized it was Ted Westerveld’s name, not Frank’s.
“Is this Logan Carleton?” the woman’s voice on the other end of the phone asked.
“That’s right.” What would Ted’s wife want with him?
“This is Tilly Westerveld. How are you doing?”
Logan doubted Tilly cared but thought he should give her the benefit of the doubt. “I’m doing okay. Quite fine actually.”
“Good. Good to know.”
He was tempted to drag out the conversation but figured he may as well put the woman out of her polite misery.
“So what can I do for you?”
“Right. Okay. I may as well get to the point. I need to talk to you about Sarah and I’d prefer to do it face-to-face. Are you coming into town later this afternoon?”
Tilly sounded reasonable. Pleasant, in fact. But Logan had no intention of discussing his relationship with Sarah, such that it was, with any Westerveld. “I’m busy all day. I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
She was astute; he’d give her that. “I’m sorry, Tilly. I really don’t know what we’d have to talk about.”
“It’s important.”
Logan hooked his foot around his chair and pulled it toward him. The serious tone of Tilly’s voice told him this would be a sitting-down kind of conversation. He tried not to let a sense of déjà vu settle in. This was just Sarah’s aunt.
“What do you need to say?” he said, prompting her.
“This is a bit hard, given your history, but Logan, I would like you to not mix Sarah up anymore. She’s dealing with a lot right now.”