“How? How did you let this happen?”
He walks toward me, reaching out to take my hand. But again, I snatch it away. I’m not going to be lulled into forgiveness. I can’t believe that everyone on Mars knows our business. Knows what we’ve done.
“It’s not as bad as it seems,” he says.
“What did you say to them?”
“I didn’t say anything to the press.”
“What did you say to the council?”
“They were pressuring me.” He turns away, and I’m so angry I want to scream.
“Pressuring you! Pressuring you to do what? Tell them about our private moments? I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. This is an absolute betrayal of trust, Jaxxo. I don’t know if I can ever get past it.”
“Doris. You have to forgive me. The king demanded that I give him the information. You must understand what that’s like.”
“Do you understand what it’s like to have everything you’ve ever known stolen away from you? Do you know what it’s like to have to start over on a new planet with total strangers? Do you know what it’s like to lose everyone you’ve ever loved?”
“I haven’t,” he admits. “But I want to understand. I want to make this better.”
“I don’t think you can.”
“There has to be a way. Please tell me what I can do,” he says, reaching for me again.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do. You’ve betrayed my trust. You’ve exposed me to the world. Now everyone on Mars is gossiping about me.”
“They’re gossiping about me as well. If that makes you feel any better.”
“It doesn’t. I know the difference between what happens when men have sexual conquests and what happens when women do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“They’ll all think that I’m some kind of harlot.”
“Is that what it’s like back on Earth?” he asks, stepping toward me again.
“It’s a double standard. I doubt that it’s any different here.”
“We have no such double standards. We have no women to have them with. No one is going to think any less of you. It is just a curiosity. These men are lonely and inexperienced. They just want to understand what it means to be with a woman.”
I collapse in a chair. His words and his explanation are getting to me. I don’t want to forgive him, but I can’t maintain my anger with the scent of his body in the air.
“Will you come home with me?” he asks. “Can we start over?”
“I think I’m going to need some time.”
“Please, Doris. Just come home with me. We can work it out together.”
“I think you should go, Jaxxo.”
“I can’t leave without you.”
“Are you going to force me to come with you?” I demand, standing from my chair and glaring at him.
“Of course not.” His face falls into a wounded expression. “I would never force you to do anything.”
“Then please leave.”
“If that’s what you want,” he says, turning away. “But I will be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next to try to convince you to come home with me.”
“Don’t. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to speak with you again.”
He gives me another injured look and walks out the door without another word.
I deflate. It’s like the light has gone out of the world. I am lost without him in my life. I don’t know when I became so needy and pathetic.
I am overwhelmed by the desire he excites in me and the surge of anger from his betrayal. I’ve been deceived by men my entire life. First by my father and then by Ashton. And now by Jaxxo. The hurt is so deep, I fear I may never recover. I want to scream and throw things, but instead, I throw myself on the bed and cry.
The entire time he was here, it took every ounce of my will to keep myself from jumping into his arms and doing what the papers had hinted at. But I stopped myself, which means I’m gaining control over my desire. I can resist him if I want to. And I will. As long as I have to. Until I understand what it is that I want in this world. With or without him.
23
Leaving Doris is like leaving a body part. I don’t know how I can go on without her. Whoever leaked the discussion with the council is going to pay. Doris is clearly embarrassed, and I don’t blame her. I feel the same. It never should have gotten out.
I’ve been in communication with the other councilmembers all morning. Everyone denies any involvement. But there has to be an explanation. And I will find the truth.
I hop in my vehicle and start out into the bright morning, heading directly to the news headquarters. I will find answers, and someone will suffer the consequences for taking my life from me.
I land my craft outside the news building in downtown Cassini and charge into the building. I’m stopped by security, who demand identification. I show them my ID and order to speak with the supervising editor of the publication. As a member of the high Martian council, I am afforded certain privileges, this being one of them. The supervising editor invites me into his office.
“Do you know who I am?” I ask him.
“Of course. You’re Captain Jaxxo. You completed the timegate mission and brought the Earth females back through time. You are a national hero.”
“And you have destroyed my life,” I tell him.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says.
“The story that you published on your so-called news site has caused irreparable damage. My bride is so embarrassed and mortified that she has ended our courtship. I demand you tell me who your source is so I may rip out his heart and show it to him.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“You can and you will.”
“The press has legal protection. We are not required to reveal our sources.”
I pull out my laser gun and point it at him. He’s taken everything from me. And if I can’t have my bride, there’s no point in anything anymore.
“All right, all right. There’s a recording device located in the antechamber outside the Council Hall. We heard councilmembers talking about what was revealed in the meeting. But nothing particular.”
“Where is this recording device located?” I ask, slipping my gun back in my holster.
“It’s above the chamber door.”
“You could be arrested for this,” I tell him. “You never publish another word about me or my bride or you’ll be thrown into the black pits with the other criminals.”
The man sighs, and his shoulders droop. “Fine. It’s a deal.”
I grunt and turn, leaving the office. I’m still livid and despondent, thinking about Doris’s words. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me. And she doesn’t even know about my other indiscretions. This is a disaster. And I have no one to blame but myself.
I hurry back to the Council Hall and search the antechamber for the recording device. I’ve brought a monitor that will find any bugs in the room, and I end up discovering three. I then scour the Council Hall itself and find none. Council meetings are meant to be private. We discuss classified matters within these walls. Spying on the councilmembers, even in the antechamber, is considered treason.