Nope. Best not to let her thoughts turn either to the past or the future. Just focus on the present and that little green line.
There. Room 103. She’d found it. She had to stop and take a deep breath before walking in. She was dreading what she was about to see, and she knew she couldn’t let that show on her face. To think about seeing her strong-as-a-bear Grandpa Serge pale and weak, hooked up to machines…God, it was unthinkable!
Growing up, her grandpa had always been as solid as an oak tree in her eyes. Barrel-chested and muscular, he’d swept her up into his arms when she was a little girl, swung her around as she shrieked in delight. It was like she weighed nothing to him.
Even as he’d gotten older, she would’ve still bet good money that he could beat most of the guys she dated in an old-fashioned arm-wrestling match. No contest.
Except Connor…
Nope. She shut down that line of thinking. She wasn’t going to think about Connor’s rippling and sexy muscles while she visited her grandfather. She just wasn’t.
“Well don’t just stand there all day with your mouth open, girl. Come in give me a hug.”
She stepped into the room, a blush spreading across her face. “Hey, Grandpa Serge. Sorry. I was…” She trailed off. She didn’t know how to put it into words, and even if she had, she was struck still by the sight of him, pale and more frail than she’d ever seen him, hooked up to wires and tubes.
She’d known it was going to be something like this. She’d tried to prepare herself. But actually seeing him there, in the flesh, looking twenty years older than he had the last time she’d seen him…well, it was just about all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. Explaining her hesitation outside the hospital door was suddenly the last thing on her mind.
“Now, stop, Sugar Plum.” His use of her childhood nickname nearly did her in entirely. “Everybody looks like they’re at death’s door when they’re wearing one of these hospital robe things. Even you probably wouldn’t look good in one and you’re the prettiest thing in the state of Oregon. Now come on over here and give me a hug.”
She obliged, wrapping her arms around him, tight. It was hard to let go. The urge to burst into tears was even stronger, but she didn’t know if it was all about the reality of him in the hospital bed, or how overwhelming it was to be back in Valentine Bay.
Or what had just happened between her and Connor. That was a definite possibility. Obviously.
She sat down in the visitor’s chair and grabbed her grandfather’s hand in both of hers. Two tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away. Hey, at least she hadn’t completely dissolved into tears as she’d been tempted to do. But, still. She didn’t want Grandpa Serge to see her cry. She was here to take care of him, not the other way around. She had to be strong.
“So,” she said, adopting an air of exaggerated nonchalance. “What’s new with you?”
He grinned. “Still a spitfire.”
“I try.”
“Sorry for ruining the holidays, Sugar Plum.”
“Now who needs to stop?” She chided. “You didn’t ruin anything. In fact, it’s kind of nice being back here again. Weird. But nice.”
“Well, if I’d known all it would take to get you back to Valentine Bay was a little heart attack, I would’ve done it sooner.”
She squeezed his hand hard. “Don’t even joke about that.”
“Sorry, hon. Tell you what. Let’s talk about something happier. How long do your grandma and I have you for?”
“As long as you need me. I’ve already talked to my boss. He gets it. I already had vacation scheduled through next week. If I’m still here after that, I can start working remotely. We’ll figure it out.”
“Now, honey, don’t you go and do anything to put your career in jeopardy. That’s important. You need to focus.”
Two more tears slipped down her cheeks and, again, she brushed them away, even more annoyed by their presence than she had been by the two that’d come before. She’d never been a big one for displays of emotion. She liked to keep it locked down tight. That was tough to do when it came leaking out all over her face.
“Grandpa Serge, you’re what’s important. Don’t even talk like that.”
He smiled at her and she didn’t feel like crying anymore. He’d always had that effect on her, ever since she was a kid. From little things like skinned knees to big traumas like her mother leaving her. Whenever he gave her that grin she felt safe, like he was in control and would make everything okay.
Of course, now that she was an adult she knew it took more than that to set the world back on course. If she’d learned anything, it was that sometimes nothing could make things right no matter how hard anyone tried.
That’s what her head knew, anyway. Her heart still believed that Grandpa Serge could fix anything and at that moment she wasn’t in the mood to argue the point.
“So,” her grandfather said, a twinkle in his eye. “Have you seen any old friends since you’ve been back, honey?”
She shrugged. “I went by Gen’s this morning.”
Damn. Her carefully constructed plan of playing it cool was, she could tell, being totally dismantled by the telltale blush spreading its way up her cheeks.
Grandpa Serge chuckled. “And did anybody happen to be there when you dropped by? Say, one of Gavin’s buddies?”
She rolled her eyes, abandoning the facade. “All right, we can stop dancing around it. Connor was there.”
“I’ve always liked that young man.”
“Oh, believe me. I’m aware.”
“He’d make a good husband.”
“Oh, Lord. Within two sentences we’ve gone from asking if he was at Gen’s house to marrying me off to the man?”
His eyes grew solemn. “I just want to know that there’s someone taking care of you, hon. I’m not going to be around forever. And that boy loves you.”
Her heart beat so hard in her chest that she thought she might be joining him in the cardiac ward if she couldn’t get it under control. “Wow. There are so many things in that statement that are just wrong. First of all, you will be around forever. I don’t care how crazy that sounds. It’s true and I’m not going to debate it. Secondly, I don’t know what makes you think he loves me but I can tell you pretty definitively that he’s angry as hell with me.”
He glossed right over the “be around forever” portion of her diatribe and skipped right to the “love” part. “Well, honey, I’ll tell you what. I know he loves you because it’s been written on his face every time he looked your way, ever since the first day he set eyes on you. And he still gets that hangdog look when he asks about you.
“But, as far as him being mad at you or loving you - well, those aren’t what you’d call mutually exclusive. Just ask your grandma. She’s loved me every day of the last fifty-four years we’ve been married and she’s spent at least half of them spitting mad at something I’ve done or said.”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. He was right about that. She didn’t know what it meant for her situation, but he was definitely right about that.