She didn’t want a boyfriend. Didn’t have enough hours in the day to both earn a living and spend time with her son. Most importantly, she couldn’t let Rocco form attachments to men who wouldn’t stay.
Then why am I so upset?
Because she’d had Jinx’s devotion for nearly two years, and now she didn’t. And she felt like she’d lost something really, incredibly special.
With Rocco clinging to her like cat hair on a fleece jacket, she peered out the window as headlights flashed in the darkness. “Okay, sweetheart. Grandma and Grandpa are here.”
Rocco squirmed, pressing hard against her as if he could slip inside a secret compartment and hide. She touched the back of his head, her fingers sifting through his silky hair. “I can’t wait to hear all about snow and hot cocoa and swimming in the hot tub.”
A car door slammed, and she let the curtain fall. It was time to hand him over.
Heading downstairs, she breathed in the scent of pinecones and cinnamon from the basket she’d displayed by the salon’s hearth. “Everyone’s going to be staying in one great, big house, so you’ll get to see Aunt Carol and Uncle Jim and all your cousins.”
She opened the door to find the bright, hopeful expressions of Eddie’s parents. Owners of a gym, they were both fit and incredibly energetic. She didn’t want to let her son go, but if she had to hand him off, she couldn’t ask for more caring people. “Morning.”
She’d left her son’s suitcase by the door, so Mr. Ray picked it up. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Morning, hon. How’s our favorite little boy?” Mrs. Ray said.
Rocco kicked his legs and tucked his face into Skylar’s neck. “I’ll just walk him to the car.” He reacted this way every time, so his grandparents were used to it.
It was brutally cold. I should’ve put my coat on. She cuddled her son closer to her body and pulled up the hood of his parka.
Mr. Ray set the suitcase in the trunk. “This everything?”
Skylar nodded, ready to hand him off, but Rocco clung to her. “Come on, sweetie.”
“No.” His fingernail scraped her chin, as he struggled in her arms. “I don’t want to go.”
Figured, the first words he’d spoken all morning, and they’d be killers. “I’m going to miss you so much, but I know you’re going to have fun playing with your cousins.” She reached for the handle on the car.
Rocco went nuts. “I’m not going. Mommy, no.”
In moments like these, she hated Eddie. If he’d just stepped up to be a dad, her son wouldn’t be torn apart like this. Her ex had taken a perfect canvas and slashed it with neglect.
“Hey, sweetie, look what we got for you.” Mrs. Ray held out an iPad. “You can watch movies on the plane.”
At that exact moment, when she was struggling to hold onto a boy who refused to part with her, when Mrs. Ray was trying to get Rocco to look at a device that meant nothing to him, Jinx’s big, black SUV rumbled around the corner. His headlights flashed at them, as he pulled in behind the Rays’ car.
“Let me just get him in his car seat.” With a hand on Rocco’s head, she ducked inside the heated car and plopped him down. As he thrashed and screamed, she kept a hand on his tummy. “Sweetheart, listen to me.” He kicked her elbow. “Hey, you hurt me. Will you just listen to me for a second? Baby, everything’s going to be fine. Grandma and Grandpa Ray love you very much, and they’re going to take good care of you.”
She knew they had a flight to catch, so she had to make this quick. As she struggled to connect the seatbelt, she vaguely heard Jinx introducing himself, the low murmur of their voices. But her focus was on getting her son situated. “I love you so much, punkin. I know this is hard for you.” She blinked back tears. Fuck you, Eddie. It didn’t have to be like this. “But Grandma and Grandpa will be with you every second, okay? You know how much fun you have with them.”
The door on the other side opened, and Jinx’s big body slid next to Rocco. “Hey, man.”
His presence filled the car—his clean scent, fresh from a shower, and something rich and artsy—like oil paint. Rocco immediately stilled, watching him with big, wary eyes.
Jinx handed her son the iPad. “You want to see something cool? Take a look at this.” When he tapped a button on his cell phone, his face filled the iPad’s screen. Rocco looked from his new device to the man sitting next to him. Her son had used FaceTime before, of course, but seeing Jinx’s face on that big screen seemed to impress him.
“Will you do me a favor?” Jinx asked, and her boy listened as though he were getting state secrets. “Will you show me and your mom the snowman you make?”
Rocco gave a shuddery sigh. He turned to his mom. “I’m going to make a snowman?”
She wiped the glistening tears off his rosy cheeks. “Oh, heck, yeah. A huge one. With a carrot for a nose and beets for eyes.”
“And, since your mom doesn’t get to go,” Jinx said. “Can you show her what the mountain looks like?”
“We’re going on a sleigh ride,” Mrs. Ray said from the sidewalk. “It’s pulled by big horses.”
“You serious?” Jinx looked genuinely envious. “Ah, man. You gotta call us, okay? Let us in on it, so we can see the horses, too.”
Jinx didn’t sound like he was trying to sweet-talk a kid. He sounded real, like missing out on a sleigh ride was a true loss. Her son looked at Jinx in earnest and nodded. “Okay.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Skylar kissed Rocco’s damp cheek and clasped the buckle on the car seat. “We’ll talk every day.” She leaned in to hug him and whispered in his ear, “I love you so much, my angel. So, so much.” She pulled back and swept the hair off his forehead.
With glassy eyes, her son said, “Bye, Mommy.”
Oh, God. Her sweet, innocent little boy. It hurt so damn much. But she knew she had to leave quickly. “Bye, angel.”
Mr. Ray gave her a hug. “We’ll take good care of him.”
“I know you will.” The only spot of comfort in this whole mess was that she knew she could count on them to care for her boy the way she would.
Mrs. Ray wrapped her arms around her. “I know this is hard but thank you for giving us time with our grandson.” She pulled back, got in the car, and they took off.
Skylar stood on the sidewalk and let the emptiness consume her. The cold burned her skin. She thought about her home, how empty it felt without Rocco, and was suddenly very glad to be taking this road trip. She turned to Jinx. “You’re good with him.”
The sun hadn’t crested the horizon, so he stood tall and imposing in the darkness, but there was something so calm about him. He tugged the scruff on his chin. “Every time my dad left on another deployment my brother had a hard time with it. Never got used to it. So, yeah, I’ve had some experience with it.”
Up until this moment, Jinx had been a threatening entity. Now, she saw him as a man who’d suffered loss. “I’m sorry, Jinx. For your dad, your brother.” In a way, he’d lost his mom, too. And she’d do whatever she could to help her—and to give Jinx his family back.