“Sounds good.” Penny locked the door behind them and hung up the sign that read THE ELVES ARE MAKING ICE CREAM. BACK IN 30 MINUTES and stalked behind the counter.
“You’re closing?” Finlay asked as she began nursing Tallulah.
Penny scooped several types of ice cream into an enormous container and said, “I’m making an I Suck sundae.” She piled on M&M’s, chocolate flakes, granola, gummy bears, strawberries, smothered them in whipped cream, and flopped down at the table with Finlay. “Did you see how great he was with Lu and Lila? How much he adores me?” She sighed heavily. “I hate myself so much right now.”
“Why?”
Penny shoveled ice cream into her mouth. “So many reasons.”
“How about you start with one or two?”
“Well, for starters, we’ve been together for seven months, which feels like a long time because we’re in so deep. But it’s only seven months, Fin, not years, and he’s been through so much. I don’t want to pressure him, and I hate that I compare our relationship to anyone else’s. But it’s hard not to when all of our friends end up living together, engaged, or married in the blink of an eye. Bullet proposed to you after a month—”
“Thirty-five days,” Finlay said.
“Seriously? Like those five days make a difference? Jace proposed to Dixie after what? Two weeks? Even Quincy and Roni moved in together fast. Love happens fast, and it did for us, too. But usually people fall so desperately in love they want more time with the other person.”
“You and Scott are together every minute you’re not working,” Finlay pointed out.
“I know that. I’m not asking for more. I just…” Her stomach lurched. She pushed her sundae away. “I can’t eat this. Every time I think about what our future looks like, it makes me feel like I’m going to barf.”
“Know what else does that?” Finlay asked with a tease in her eyes. “Pregnancy.”
“Please. You just want someone else to share in your sleepless nights. I’m on birth control, remember?”
“Mom got pregnant twice on birth control,” Finlay reminded her. “You felt sick last week when we had lunch.”
“We were talking about this then, too.”
“True, but you two have sex all the time.”
“Would you stop?” Penny laughed.
“Oh my gosh, Penny. You felt sick a few weeks ago when we all had dinner at Whiskey Bro’s. Remember? You and Scott left early. How long have you been feeling sick?”
As Penny thought about the past few weeks, she realized she had felt nauseous a number of times. “Now you have me worried.”
“I could be wrong. Take a pregnancy test. You’ll know in five minutes if you’re pregnant or just stressed.”
“God, that’s all I need. I can’t even think about that possibility. I keep asking myself if Scott and I could just go on like this forever.”
“Living together but not really living together?”
“Yeah. It sure feels like we could most of the time. I swear I fall deeper in love with him every day, with every touch, every kiss, and every conversation. Even the hard ones. When he came in here, I got butterflies. But if we just go on like this, will I look back on my life and wish we’d had children? Do you think our love is big enough to fill those empty places?”
Finlay brushed her hand over Tallulah’s head and said, “You shouldn’t ask a new mom that, because this little girl is everything to us.”
“I know. I get that. I love him so much, I wish I didn’t want children. I never even thought about having a family in any serious way until Scott and I got together. You’ve seen him with kids. He’s as natural with them as we are.”
“He’s amazing with children, Pen. But that doesn’t mean he should have his own if he really doesn’t want them.”
“I know. I think he does want kids, but he’s scared. And people change their minds all the time. Look at Tru. He was fresh out of prison. He wasn’t looking for a wife and two kids.” She sighed, feeling like she was grasping at straws, and said, “Do you think I’m hoping for too much? I don’t need a five-year plan. I just want a smidgen of hope that one day Scott will want more with me. I don’t even care if our plan takes ten years, as long as I know he wants to eventually get there and that he’s willing to work on it together.”
“I don’t think you’re hoping for too much, but have you talked to him about all of this?” Finlay asked.
“We’ve talked about what we want plenty of times. He knows I want kids, and I know he doesn’t want them. I feel guilty for even feeling this way. It’s not fair of me to ask for more when I knew what I was getting into at the beginning of our relationship.”
“Yes, but you didn’t count on falling in love, and you probably thought if you both fell, he’d change his mind. That’s only natural, Penny. I never thought Bullet would want to be monogamous, much less married with a baby.”
“I know. I don’t want to change Scott. I love who he is. I just want more of a future together. I want to live in the same place and know that one day we can have our own Lulu.” As she said the words, she realized her mistake, and her stomach sank. “Oh my God, Fin. Trying to change Scott’s mind about what he wants is trying to change him. I’ve turned into one of those awful girls who thinks it’s okay to try to change her boyfriend, and I didn’t even realize it.”
PENNY SPENT THE next two days in a state of confusion, struggling with the guilt of wanting more of a future with Scott and mired down with worry over Finlay’s pregnancy comments, which all made her even more nauseous. As bad as the days were, when evening rolled in and she was in Scott’s loving arms, all her worries about the future fell away because their present was so wonderful. They laughed and loved and were so good together she tried her hardest to bury those other thoughts. But when morning came, her worries pressed in again, she felt sick, and on the heels of the nausea were Finlay’s comments.
By Friday afternoon she couldn’t stand it any longer. They were going to the rehearsal dinner in a few hours, but how could she think about anything in the future if she didn’t know where she stood in the present? She closed the shop half an hour early and bought a darn pregnancy test. She couldn’t imagine why the box had three tests in it. It seemed like overkill. Wouldn’t two be enough? Did people really need tie breakers?
Now she was sitting on the side of the bathtub in her apartment above the ice cream shop watching the seconds tick by on her phone. Her hands were sweating, her nerves were buzzing, and her thoughts were spinning. After a minute, she was too anxious to sit still. She got up and snagged the test off the counter, staring at the tiny window as she paced.
A pink line appeared.
Negative.
Relief swept through her, and she tipped her face up and closed her eyes, exhaling a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She put her hand to her chest, trying to calm herself down, and looked at the test again.
A second, fainter line appeared.
Penny squinted, taking a closer look, and grabbed the box, scanning the instructions. Two lines. Pregnant.