It was a good thing her mouth was full, because I fucking love you was perched on the tip of her tongue. She drew away from his cock slowly, and he groaned. She grinned, whipping off her shirt as she straddled him and sank down, her body stretching to welcome every inch of his hard length. She stilled, her sex clenching. His eyes narrowed as he clutched her hips, trying to get her to ride him, but she loved teasing him too much and continued pulsing her inner muscles.
His eyes turned volcanic. “You’ve gotta move, baby.”
“Not yet,” she whispered, reached behind her and fondled his balls.
His hips shot up. “Fucking hell.”
The desire in his voice sent lust coursing through her. She brought one hand to her breast, the other between her legs, earning even sexier, greedier sounds. His hips pistoned, his fingers digging into her flesh as he lifted her up and pulled her down with his every thrust, stroking over that titillating spot inside her at a feverish pace. Pleasure engulfed her, and she cried out his name. In one swift move, he shifted her onto her back and captured her mouth with his. She abandoned all control, and their bodies took over, falling into perfect sync, taking them to that magical place where nothing else existed. He loved her so exquisitely, she soared toward the clouds, enveloped in love so pure and all-consuming they felt like one being as they catapulted into ecstasy.
When they collapsed to the mattress, Scott gathered her in his arms, snuggling her entire body from feet to chest. She felt buffered from the world, and she never wanted to leave the safety of his arms.
“Feel that?” he whispered into her ear.
“Mm-hm. I always do when we’re cocooned in our love.” The second the L word left her lips, she cringed, thinking she should take it back. But she didn’t want to, and she was too nervous to do anything more than lie there, eyes wide as saucers.
As the silence stretched from seconds to minutes, she was sure she’d made a huge mistake. The forbidden word churned between them, buffered in so many conflicting emotions, it made her heart ache. He shifted, and she feared her man of few words would get up and simply walk away. But one of his arms slid lower, his fingers spreading across her lower back. He gripped her shoulder with his other hand, holding their bodies flush from chest to thigh, as if he were trapping the word between them and was never going to let it—or her—go.
She closed her eyes, hoping he never would.
AN HOUR AND a half later, they were rushing around getting ready. They’d fallen back to sleep and had bolted out of bed in a panic. They had to leave in twenty minutes, or they’d be late for the wedding.
Penny finished drying her hair and shoved her hair dryer beneath the sink, hurrying out to the bedroom in her towel to grab the sexy lingerie she’d bought to match her dress. As she dug through her bag, she pulled out her heels and realized she’d brought an unmatched pair. “Shit! I brought two different heels.” She looked at Scott, who was pulling on his slacks, and said, “I need my nude heels to go with my dress. We have to stop by my place on the way, but I still have to do my makeup, pin up my hair, and get dressed. We’re never going to make it in time.”
He reached for his shirt. “You finish getting ready. I’ll go get your heels.”
Relief burst through her, and she threw her arms around him. “God I love you!” Oh shit! Shitshitshit! Twice in one day! She closed her eyes, telling herself to take it back, but she was done holding it in. If they could get past this one step, then telling him about the baby tonight would be easier. Drawing upon all of her courage, she said, “I do, Scotty. I love you.” She stepped back, his uncomfortable gaze slicing her wide open, and the truth came out. “I love who you are and who I am with you, and I know you love me, too. I feel it when you touch me, and I see it when you look at me.”
He didn’t say a word. He just stood there, his jaw clenching, the torture in his eyes almost too much to bear.
“You can’t even say it back to me?” Tears stung her eyes.
He stood rigid. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? They’re words, Scott. Words you should want to say if you truly love me. I’m not asking for a ring, but if you can’t even tell me you love me, then what are we doing?” She didn’t mean to raise her voice, but there was no holding back her pain.
“You know I love you, Penny, but those words come with a promise I can’t make.”
Tears slid down her cheeks. “The only promise they carry is one of love. I’m living out of a drawer and a bag, Scott, going back to my place every week to swap my clothes and bring more over. Do you know how that feels? Or what it’s like to lie in your arms loving you so much it hurts to keep it in?”
“Of course I do,” he said angrily. “I’m doing the same damn thing.”
She grabbed his hands. “But don’t you see? We don’t have to hold back. What we have is so beautiful and so right, we should be celebrating it. I know you’re scared of having kids because of all you went through, but you’re not like your father. You’re kind and loving, and you have the patience of a saint—”
“Stop.” He tore his hands away. “Do you have any idea who I see in the mirror every goddamn day? My father, Penny. A man who beat me and Sarah from the time we were little kids. You have no idea what it’s like to see your sister beaten or cowering in the corner. Or to go after the man who was doing it, when you’re too young and weak to stop him. One fucking punch from him sent me flying across the room, day after day, for years. And our goddamn mother calling Sarah heinous names all the time? Belittling us? I have no fucking idea how we survived, and I don’t know if that type of monster is a part of me.” He paced, gritting his teeth, nostrils flaring.
Tears blurred her vision.
“I love you with every fiber of my being, Penny. You’re the fucking eye to every storm. You’re my safe harbor. The world could be exploding around me, but when I look at you, when I hear your voice or feel your touch, nothing else matters. You make me feel whole and solid and so fucking good it’s unreal.” Tears glistened in his eyes. “I want what you want, to build a life free from duffel bags and wrong shoes. But I know how badly you want a family. I don’t think I would ever hurt a kid, but I’m not willing to take that risk and bring children into this world when something inside me could snap and I could end up just like my fucking father.” He turned away, hands curling into fists.
A crushing feeling in her chest emptied her lungs. She forced her legs to move, and she ran around him, putting her face in front of his, so he had to hear her. “But you’re not him, Scotty. You love your nieces and nephews. Hell, you adore all the kids—Lulu, Kennedy, Lincoln. You’re around kids all the time, and I’ve never heard you even yell at them.”
He tried to turn away, but she moved with him and said, “Even though I know you’ll never hurt a child, I understand why you are afraid, and I respect that. Please don’t throw away something we both know is right when there are ways to deal with issues like these. We can go to therapy together, talk to a professional who can figure out if you have that type of anger inside of you. Therapy helped Roni and Quincy. I’m sure they can recommend someone. And I’ll be by your side every step of the way. Whatever it takes, I’m there, all in.”