I wake to a soft knock hours later. My stomach turns, knowing I have to end it. All thoughts of being mad at her leave me as soon as I open the door and see her beautiful face.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Charlotte,” I say flatly. She flinches, and I open the door farther for her to walk in. “I gotta take a shower, I’ll be right out.”
I don’t need another shower; I have to get some space to think. Once I emerge from the bathroom, with no more answers than when I entered, I find her staring out the window. I startle her by wrapping my arms around her and resting my head on her shoulder.
“Why?” I stifle out.
“Why, what? I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. Did I do something wrong last night?” She sniffles, and her body tightens.
“No, sweetheart. Last night was perfect. It was the absolute best thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” I tell her honestly.
“I don’t understand. You never call me Charlotte.”
“You lied to me. This whole time, you’ve been fucking lying.” I say it quietly, but the anger in my voice is palpable.
She doesn’t answer but hangs her head as her shoulders start to shake. Her tears fall on my arm, and I have to walk away from her. I can’t stand to see her like this. I grab my keys and stop at the door. It’s my place, but I need to get away from her, and I don’t want to kick her out and have her driving this upset. She needs time to calm down.
“Look at me.” I’m almost afraid to see her face now. I know my resolve will break down the longer I prolong this, but I have one more thing to say to her. She slowly turns and wipes her tears.
“I feel something for you. Something fucking huge. But you’re seventeen, Charlotte. It’s so wrong. God, it’s wrong.” I shut my eyes and tilt my head up, willing the right words to come out. I gotta get it over with and leave. Make it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I have to walk away. As much as I don’t want to, I have to let you go. I only wanted honesty, and you lied. I can’t be with a liar, not again.”
Since my eyes are still closed, I don’t see her move, but her body crushes against mine, and I instinctively reach down to wrap my arms around her. She climbs me like a tree and sobs in my arms. I have to talk myself down from crying right along with her. She’s fucking tearing me apart right now.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. But if you knew…”
“You’re right, if I knew last night would have never happened. Christ, Charlotte, if anyone finds out I could get arrested.”
“No. Nobody will find out,” she insists.
“Pierce already knows.”
“I’ll talk to him. Please don’t leave. I only have two more weeks then I have to go back to Texas anyway. Please stay with me.” She squeezes me harder, and I have to pry her away from me. Once her feet are back on the floor, I take a step closer to the door.
“No. I can’t.” Then I do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and walk out of the door.
Charlotte
It’s been three months since he walked away from me. I try to pretend that it was for the best. I punish myself for being a liar; it’s my fault he hates me. Ideserve to be sad. I’ve decided the only way for me to get by is indifference. I fake a smile when needed, I engage in conversation, but I’m dying inside. I fell in love and lost him. I’m not sure what’s worse — loving and losing, or knowing that he’s ruined me from ever finding happiness. Nobody will ever compare to him.
It’s also been three days since my dad died from a heart attack.
I’m sitting at his burial site — alone, cold, empty. The funeral ended, and everyone but me left hours ago. My mom didn’t make it out of the house. She hasn’t gotten out of bed in three days. I picked out his casket, I found a plot, and I said goodbye. I haven’t even had time to cry. The realization hasn’t hit me yet, and I’ve been too busy to allow myself to feel anything. My family came to town yesterday, and even though they’re trying to help, there’s only one person I want right now. And since I drove him away, I’ll suffer in silence.
Leaves rustle behind me, and my skin prickles. I smell him before I feel the warmth of his body surrounding me. His legs cage me in, and his arms wrap around my shivering frame. My head falls forward, unable to stay upright with the heavy emotions weighing it down. He holds me tighter, but I fall apart. Everything I’ve been holding in rushes out. Earth shattering sobs overtake my body, and even though one of them is holding me, I cry for losing the only two men I’ll ever love.
This is the final goodbye. So, I’m going to hang on as long as I can. I turn around and wrap myself around him, bruising his skin with my grip. He rocks me gently, strokes my hair, and tells me everything will be okay.
The blue sky begins to turn grey, and I finally lift my head to see him. He’s so handsome, but his eyes don’t look the same. They’re not bright and promising as I remember, but rather blank and dismal. My lips part to speak but words die on my tongue.
He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and tilts his head. “Let’s get you home.” I nod and remain lifeless when he picks me up and sets me in the passenger seat of a rental car.
He pulls into my driveway, and I watch out of the corner of my eye as his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I can’t look at him because I don’t want to see pity or regret. His knuckles turn white before he shuts the car off and comes around to my side. When he opens the door, I robotically get out and walk to the back door. It’s not locked, so I turn the knob and walk in, Travis on my heels.
In my room, I take off my jacket and boots. I’m too exhausted to even care that Travis is watching me, so I pull my black dress over my head and throw it on the floor. I crawl in bed and close my eyes.
A few minutes later, the weight of the mattress shifts, and his warm arms surround me again.
He kisses my temple and his lips tickle my ear when he speaks. “I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted to come see you but not like this. I’m so sorry about your dad, sweetheart.”
I nod in acknowledgement.
“I can’t stay, but I want you to know I’m here.” He places his hand over my heart, and I swallow the lump in my throat from his words. “I’ll always be here. I was an ass the last time I saw you.”
I shake my head and try to sit up. He wasn’t an ass. He was mad, and I don’t blame him.
“Shhh.” He holds me and lays my head back down. “I didn’t mean what I said. I do want to be with you, but we have to wait. You’re going through a lot right now, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”
I stiffen. Is he saying he wants to be with me, even after I lied?
“What?”
“You let me know when you’re ready, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting.”
* * *
When I wake up in the morning, there’s no sign of him ever being here. I can faintly smell him on my sheets, but if I didn’t know better, I would think I imagined Travis holding me until I fell asleep.
The doorbell rings, so I grab my robe and shuffle downstairs. I open the door, and my cousin, Declan, is standing on the porch. He has a box of donuts and chocolate milk. He holds them up and gives a shake. I try to smile but fail miserably. I join him on the step and silently take a bite of the offered pastry.