“How are you holding up?” he asks, concerned. Declan does not show emotion. If you look up strong, silent type in the dictionary, his face would be plastered next to it. His job is to save lives, he can’t let emotion get in the way, and that carries over to his personal life.
“I’m okay,” I lie.
“Pierce wanted me to ask if your friend helped last night.”
I snap my head up. “What?”
“He said he called a friend of yours, and they would be able to help you. I know you wanted to be alone after the funeral, but you know we’re all here for you, right?”
I smile, probably the first real smile in three months. “Pierce sent him.”
Declan’s back stiffens. “Him?”
“Oh, stop.” I can’t believe Pierce called Travis. “Yes. Tell him it helped a lot.”
“Love you, kid, but I’ve gotta go. I have a flight to catch; my leave is up in the morning.” He hugs me, and I stand with him. “Do you need anything before I go?”
“No. I’m okay.”
“You sure?” he asks, squinting his eyes, trying to catch me lying.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I give him a little push. “Now go, before you miss your flight.”
He leans down and engulfs me in his massive build. “I’m so sorry, Char.”
I nod against him. “Me, too. He’d be happy you came.”
He kisses the top of my head, and I wave as he drives away.
I’m washing dishes in the kitchen when my mom screams. I run upstairs and find her holding a wedding picture. Tears are pouring out of her eyes, and her words are unintelligible. She throws the frame across the room, and I jump when it shatters.
“Mom.” I try to keep my voice calm but loud enough where she’ll hear me.
“No! No, no, no!”
She grabs random items off her dresser and throws them across the room. Perfume stains the walls, and beads scatter across the floor from jewelry that is now destroyed. I come up behind her and try to grab her, but she pushes me off and I fall. My head hits the wall, instantly swelling from the impact.
I sit defeated, with my head in my hands, unable to watch my mom fall apart. I shut my mind off and wait for her to finish. Her screaming eventually stops and the destruction ends. I stand and walk around, avoiding the glass shards. A tornado was in here. The curtains are even torn from the wall, and the wooden footboard is cracked.
She’s curled in a ball, sleeping, holding my dad’s favorite sweatshirt. I cover her with a blanket, and get a broom and garbage bag from downstairs. When the last of the glass is picked up, I tidy the rest of the room and shut the light off, not yet aware that incident will be one of the smaller breakdowns I’ll have to deal with.
Chapter 7
Travis
THE WOMAN NEXT TO me screams and grabs my arm when the airplane bounces. After leaving Char in the middle of the night last night, I caught the redeye.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, smoothing my wrinkled shirt.
“It’s fine.” I resume my attempt to ignore her and look out the window, but she doesn’t take a hint.
“I hate flying. I always get so nervous, but this new job makes me fly all the time. I guess I have to get used to it, don’t I?” Her laugh is fake, almost as annoying as her voice.
I grunt my response and force myself to swallow the bile rising in my throat. Charlotte Kelly is a tough girl. She’s funny, she’s brave, fucking beautiful, and she’s strong. The Char I found last night was broken. Still beautiful, but her light had faded. It makes me sick that I can’t be there for her right now.
I went to support her, to show her I still care. I could have stayed with her forever, but I have to get back. I start training in two days. Deciding to really start living my life and be the kind of man she’ll want to come back to, I’m finally going to be a firefighter.
I got on a plane as soon as Pierce called me, but that flight was delayed. I was surprised he wanted me to see her again, but he said she was in a bad way. He and I haven’t really been on speaking terms, and I avoid going to the gym when he’s there. When I landed in Texas, I couldn’t get to her fast enough. Now I’m on my way back to Wisconsin, not even twenty-four hours later.
“So, what’s in Milwaukee?” the woman asks, tearing me from my thoughts.
“Nothing, there’s nothing for me anywhere but where I just left. And I can't fucking have her yet.”
“Oh,” she says, confused. Then, looking at the expression on my face, which must be pretty scary, she flags down the flight attendant. “Can I have another drink? And get him one, too.”
* * *
Two and a half years ago.
“You’re still gonna give me shit? It’s been over a year.” Johnny wheezes as I hold him against the wall.
“You think that matters. I’ve been a little busy, but I told her I’d take care of you.” I grunt, his weight starting to make my arms shake. I pull back and let him fall. We’re in the locker room at the gym, and I finally got his ass alone.
“Jesus, man. Chill the fuck out. I didn't even do anything.” He crawls backward, and I laugh when his head slams into a locker.
“You touched her,” I state. It’s not a question because I know she’d never lie. Well, aside from her age, but I’m over that now. I can’t blame her, because she’s fucking it for me, and if she even feels a little bit of what I do, her fib was justifiable.
“No. No, I didn’t.” He stands and shakes his head, then wipes the blood dripping from his nose.
“No?” I mock. “So you’re telling me she lied to me?”
“No. Shit, I just grabbed her ass, alright. I didn't know she was yours, man.” His voice is shaky, and he backs up even farther as I advance on him. I’ve gotten bigger. I’ve dedicated the past almost eighteen months to training. I’ve gone to EMT school, paramedic school, and too many firefighter trainings to count. I’m finally doing it. Thanks to her. She showed me it’s okay to really live my life without holding onto the regret.
“Even if she wasn’t, do you think you have the right to go around and grab at girls’ asses? Does that make you feel like more of a man?” I’m toe to toe with him now and smile when he flinches.
“What the fuck is going on, Travis?” Pierce slams the locker room door and steps between us, pushing me back.
“He’s fucking crazy,” Johnny says, pointing a shaky finger at me.
“You hit him again, Travis?” Pierce asks, eyeing the blood.
“Yeah. He deserved it, though.”
“Why?”
“Johnny, why don’t you tell him?” I tilt my head at Pierce, and take a seat on the bench, waiting for the show to start.
“Dude,” he says to Pierce, “I hit on this chick at that barbeque almost two fucking years ago, and he won’t let it go.”
“Really, Travis?” Pierce looks at me, so I decide to give him a few more details.
“Well, when I asked her about him, she said he held onto her a little too long when she accidentally bumped into him.” I rub my chin in contemplation. “Oh, yeah, she also said he grabbed her ass.”