She places her hand on my shoulder. “It wasn’t yours either.”
“Austin …”
“No, Cole. Whatever you have to say, you can save it.” She reaches up and cups my face. “I don’t think any less of you.”
My jaw tightens. “I blackmailed her to be your friend. Your only friend in this town.” I didn’t let anyone else get too close to her. I kept her on a very short leash. “We’re both frauds!”
She gives me a small smile. “I’m not mad at you or at Becky. I feel sorry for both of you.”
I pull away from her. “You shouldn’t feel sorry for me. You should hate me!”
Tears spring to her green eyes. “Why do you do this to yourself?” she asks. I don’t answer. “When are you going to forgive yourself and move on?”
“Move on?” I ask breathlessly. “My friends are dead—”
“They’re not gonna come back, Cole.” She interrupts me softly. “I’m so sorry that you lost them. But how do you expect anyone to forgive you when you can’t even forgive yourself?”
“I don’t want their forgiveness,” I growl, rising to my feet.
She gets up on her knees. It’s like the time she found out I wasn’t driving all over again. Naked on my bed, she looks at me like she pities me. When I told her to get the fuck out! But she didn’t. She had stayed. She had opened up to me about what her mom’s boyfriend had done to her. Instead of turning away from me, she’s standing her ground. Prepared to fight me. It’s something I love and hate about her. I hate being cornered. Or pushed.
“Then what do you want?”
I run a hand through my hair.
I want my friends back.
I want Becky to have never been involved.
I want Kellan to have never hurt you.
But I say none of those things. “I … I don’t know …”
“How should I feel?”
That’s an easy one. My hands fist. “You should fucking hate me.”
Her eyes hold mine, and she lets out a long sigh. “I hated you before, Cole.” I flinch at her words, remembering that’s what she had written in her journal. I hate Cole! “And now I love you. There may be things you do that I don’t agree with, but I’ll never go back to hating you.” She pulls the covers back. “Come here and lie down with me.”
“It’s the middle of the day,” I growl.
She shrugs. “Do you have something to do? Somewhere to be?”
Honestly, I’m still surprised she’s here and didn’t leave like Deke did. Fuck … Deke. “I need to go find Deke …”
“He’s where he needs to be, Cole,” she says softly. “Give him time.”
He’s with Becky.
I know that’s where he went. Deke isn’t usually the one to blow up. He can hold on to things for months. Years even. I should know, but this is Becky we’re talking about. The girl he loved. She’s right. He’s going to need some time. And this is what I’ve wanted—uninterrupted time with her. Alone.
I kick off my shoes and remove my jeans along with my shirt and crawl in bed next to her. She curls up to my side.
“Can Becky still live with us?”
My brows raise. “You still want to be her friend?”
She nods. “It sounds like she needs one now more than ever. She’s lost a lot too, Cole. And who knows how much she liked or loved Eli. Do you think a part of her loves Deke?”
I run my fingers down her bare side, trying to calm my racing heart. “She told me the other day while we were at your father’s house that she did.”
She sighs heavily.
I lean down and kiss her bare shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She pulls me to her and closes her eyes. “Don’t be sorry, Cole. You did what you thought was right in an impossible situation.” She looks up at me. “I’m proud of you, Cole.”
My throat tightens. “Don’t be …”
“No matter what you say or what you do, I’m proud of what you did.” She gives me a soft smile and cups my face. “I always saw more of you than you let people see. And I was right.”
“About what?” I clear my throat, hoping she doesn’t hear how rough my voice is.
“You were just hurting. All you needed was someone to show you that you’re not alone.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DEKE
“12 ROUNDS” BY Bohnes blares in my car as it squeals to a stop in Becky’s father’s driveway. I make my way up their front porch and don’t even bother knocking this time. I shove the front doors open, and the sound of them hitting the interior walls bounces off the grand foyer and travels up to the high ceilings.
I take the steps two at a time, gripping the banister to pull me up and barge into her room.
“I said no. I’m not having this conversation with you again!” Becky stands at the foot of her bed, and she’s arguing with her sister. “Deke?” She jumps in surprise when she spots me. “When did you—”
“Get out, Demi!” I order, interrupting Becky. Normally, I don’t mind an audience, but right now, I’d rather not have one.
Without even looking at me, she just lifts her chin and walks out, slamming the door shut behind her. The kid is always angry. She reminds me of a female version of Cole.
“What are you doing here, Deke?” Becky asks, taking a step back and looking down at my fisted hands. My entire body is tight. My teeth clenched. Too bad putting distance between us isn’t going to help her.
“You have something to tell me?” I take another step closer to her.
She frowns, shaking her head, but it stops midway, and then she swallows, her eyes growing larger. “He told you,” she whispers.
I chuckle at the look of terror in her eyes. I’m just as much of an evil bastard as Cole is. All the GWS are, or the group wouldn’t exist. But Becky has never seen this side of me. She’s about to though. I never wanted to hurt her or scare her, but now, all bets are off.
“Deke …” She takes a step toward me. “Let me explain …”
“Yes, please explain how you were fucking my best friend!” I grind out. I should have seen it. I should have known. There were signs, but I ignored them.
Her bottom lip begins to tremble, and she pulls it between her teeth. “Cole made me …”
“What? Made you what? Fuck Eli?” I throw my head back laughing, and my chest vibrates. “Please, the next thing you’ll be telling me is that Eli raped you.”
Her eyes narrow on me and burn with hatred. She goes to open her mouth, but I step into her, and she shuts it immediately.
“See?” I lift my right hand and run my knuckles down her neck and feel her pulse race. She doesn’t have all of her makeup caked on today. I always told her she never needed it. “Cole thinks he saved you.” I lower my lips to her ear and whisper, “But all he did was bury you.” She whimpers. My free hand grips her hip, and my fingers dig into the material of her jean shorts. “Because I know where you were supposed to be that night.”
She begins to tremble. “It’s not what you think …”