“No, he can’t, but you can’t deny that he’s trying.”
“I’m not having dinners with him, I—” I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“And you don’t have to.”
This gets my attention. I never doubted that he could pay my tuition and then some, but to give up our dinners? That I couldn’t believe. Not after forcing me to attend them for the better part of this year.
“I don’t?”
“No, but he will still be there, every Tuesday. Same time, same place. If and when you’re ready.”
I don’t have to go.
The relief at the knowledge is overwhelming, but it’s soon replaced by doubt. Is this his way to soothe his conscience? I’ll pay for the girl’s education, and all will be well in the world?
“Don’t think about it like that.”
“Reading my thoughts again, seriously Mom?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
“I don’t have to read your thoughts, they’re written all over your face,” she says, her face softening. Her hand reaches up, caressing my cheek. “It’ll be okay, mi niña, you’ll see. But please, think about it? Think about giving him a chance? Jeremy wants to get to know you. And knowing you, you were probably giving him a really hard time.”
I look away, guilty. Mom knows me too well for my own good.
“I might have been less than accommodating.”
“Or in the language of us mortals, she was being a cold-hearted bitch,” Grace sing-songs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
I turn around and glare at my friend. “Thanks so much,” I mutter, grabbing one of the drinks from the holder.
“You’re welcome. I got you your favorite.”
I take a small sip, enjoying the familiar flavor. “The least you could do after insulting me.”
“I love you too.” Grace pulls me in for a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”
I lean into her embrace. “Just a few short months and then you’ll be here.”
“We’ll be here,” she corrects. “You and me, we had a deal, and I’m not letting you bail on me.”
“We’ll see about that.”
I still don’t know what to think about all of this. Too many things have happened in such a short amount of time. Helen dying. Nixon telling me to leave. The fight with Coach. Failing a class. Nixon breaking it off. Mom and Grace coming. It’s all just too much. I need some time to think. To breathe.
“Come on you two, it’s time to go.”
I hug them both tightly before they enter the car. Lifting my hand in a wave, I watch as Grace pulls away, and they drive off, standing there until they’re not even a dot on the horizon.
Sighing, I look around. Mom and Grace are gone, and with them went my distraction.
Now what?
Chapter Forty-Four
NIXON
Putting the car in park, I tilt my head back, scanning the windows on this side of the building. It’s late afternoon, and dusk is beginning to fall so the lights are slowly turning on. Little rays of hope, illuminating the darkness.
Rubbing my palm over my face, I feel the tired finally start to set in, but there is no way I can go home and sleep.
Not without seeing her first.
I wanted to come earlier, the need to see her, to talk to her so profound it made my chest ache. But there were things I needed to take care of first.
Sighing, I open the door and get out. I cross the short distance to the dorm, climb the steps and enter. The hallway is buzzing with activity. Girls going to and fro, most of them giving me curious glances. Ignoring them, I go straight for the stairs and take two at a time until I get to the third floor, the destination as familiar as breathing.
As I move closer to the door I see light peeking from underneath the doorway. I knew that already. I know which one is her window, so I know she’s here.
Will she want to talk to me? Or will she tell me to go the hell away?
Wiping my hands against my pants, I knock at the door and wait.
And wait.
Pressing my hands against the door, I lean forward. “Yasmin, I know you’re in there,” I say loudly enough that she can hear me on the other side of the door. “I can see the light is on.”
I stop and listen. There is light rustling inside, but no answer.
“I know you can hear me. I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but I’m not leaving before you listen to what I have to say.”
More silence.
“A better man would probably listen to your wishes. A better man would take your silence for what it is, and let you go. But we both know I’m not that guy. And since you’re on the other side of that door, and we’re on the third floor, I think it’s safe to assume that you won’t be running away. I wanted to see you, to see your face, but I can say it like this if I have to though.”
I inhale sharply, waiting, hoping, but there is nothing but quiet.
Here goes nothing.
“I know I acted like a complete asshole the other day. Well, more than just the other day, if I’m being honest. It seems like I always say the wrong thing and end up hurting you. I wish I could give you an excuse, but the truth is, I don’t have one, and even if I did, it would be just that—an excuse. You deserve better than excuses, Yasmin. You deserve a better guy than me. You deserve somebody who’ll love you unconditionally and be as strong as you are. And I’m not that guy. I’m the one who takes until you have nothing left to give, the one who needs you so he can breathe. But dammit, I miss you. Because somewhere on the way you’ve become my reason to move forward, my light, my soul.”
I let my head fall down against the door.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me; hell, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Yasmin. I’m sorry for being an ass. I’m sorry for saying those hurtful things the other day. I’m sorry that once again you risked everything, for me of all people. I don’t deserve it. God knows I don’t deserve it. I tried to make it right, I went to talk to Dr. Stevens to give you another chance. I know how much you’ve sacrificed so far, and I don’t want to be the cause of you losing more but she didn’t want to listen. Some bullshit about needing to be fair. How is it fair that one of the best students in the whole class is freaking failing? How? So I told her to screw it. If you’re not getting a second chance I don’t want mine either.” I chuckle humorlessly. “Although honestly speaking, maybe that’s my way of making sure that if you ditch my sorry ass now, I force you into seeing me next year too because I’m not giving up on you, on us.”
Seriously, I thought Dr. Stevens would have an apoplexy or some shit when I told her. She tried to reason with me, but I didn’t want to listen. I even went as far as threatening to break her laptop if she didn’t delete my late email submission. If she didn’t want to give Yasmin a second chance, I didn’t want mine either.
“You did what?”
My whole body stiffens when I hear her voice, loud and clear and coming from… behind me?
Slowly I turn around and come face to face with Yasmin standing in the middle of the hallway. Her big dark eyes are looking at me as if I’ve gone mad, two bags hanging in her hands by her sides.