So, I left.
I still have no idea how it ended up working out for her. I’ve wanted to ask so many times, but it never feels right.
God, I don’t even want to think about how she walked around the festival looking like an automaton on what was supposed to be a joyful day for her, displaying her work for the first time.
It turned into anything but, and it’s all my fault.
I crossed boundaries I shouldn’t have. Pushed her when I promised I wouldn’t. Went behind her back intentionally.
I lied to her. I deceived her.
I’m a fucking asshole.
“Pfft.” She waves her hand. “I knew they would. That little boutique of theirs is adorable and they work so dang hard on it. I had no doubt they’d rock it.” She punches a few buttons on the register. “Since it’s for River, I’ll see what I can scrounge up.”
She scurries off to the back, and Dean shakes his head.
“It’s messed up they love River more than me,” he complains as we make our way to our regular spot.
“I think Darlene’s still mad at you for moving out of River’s apartment.”
“I moved back in!” he argues as we sit down. “We’ve been together for months. You’d think she’d be over it by now.”
“Yeah, man, but girls love to hold grudges. Trust me.”
I try not to focus too hard on that reality given my situation.
I don’t want Caroline to hold a grudge. I want to talk to her. Want to explain my side.
But she requested time, and this time, I’m respecting her wishes.
I’ve learned my lesson.
“Man, my feet are still killing me from walking around this weekend. I can’t imagine how the girls are feeling. Bet they’re glad the shop is closed on Mondays so they can recuperate. Probably tired as fuck, especially after having to run the shop yesterday and the continued…celebrations last night.” He grins impishly. “If you catch my drift.”
I wouldn’t know. There was no celebrating.
Just…cold.
“Here are your coffees,” Darlene says, appearing at the end of the table with our coffees and Dean’s pie. “And a little something extra for you.” She sets a chocolate chip cookie on the table. “You look a little down this morning.”
I try to muster a smile, but it’s a weak one.
She pats me on the back. “I’ll be at the counter if you boys need anything else.”
I stare down at the cookie I usually love to treat myself with and feel queasy just looking at it.
I push it away.
“You’re turning down free treats?” Dean points down to it, and I shrug. “May I?”
“Go for it,” I tell him, wrapping my hand around my coffee and taking a healthy swallow.
“So,” he says after devouring half the cookie in one bite. “What’d you do?”
I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”
He levels me with a Don’t play dumb look.
I sigh, scratching at the stubble on my face. “I think I messed up with Caroline.”
“Well, by your sulking and hers, that much is obvious. I’m going to assume it has something to do with her designs just showing up at the last minute.”
I nod and sink lower in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m a complete idiot.”
He laughs. “If it makes you feel any better, River always thinks I’m a complete idiot and we’re still doing fine.”
I shake my head. “No, man. This one is… It’s big. I messed up royally.”
He tilts his head, chewing the rest of the cookie, waiting for me to explain.
I tell him what happened with Caroline’s father and how she started viewing her work differently because of it. How his lack of approval somehow invalidated what she did and she never thought she could pursue a career in design. Then I tell him about our conversation on the morning of the jubilee.
“She specifically asked me to drop it, and I promised I would.”
“But you couldn’t,” he guesses, digging into his pie next.
“Fuck no. She’s so busy hiding behind her fears that she doesn’t realize what an incredible break River is handing to her. This could open so many doors, could give her a chance to take what she loves to do and make it more than a hobby.” I heave a sigh. “I’ve been watching her yearn for this for ten years, and I’ve watched her push her own dreams aside for the same amount of time. I can’t keep letting her do that to herself.”
He nods. “I can understand how that’d be frustrating.”
“It is. Incredibly.”
“So, what’d you do, then?” His eyes widen as he plays it out in his mind. “Shit. You totally brought her stuff anyway and offered it up to River without permission, didn’t you?”
I grimace. “Maybe.”
He takes another bite of his pie, shaking his head. “Dude.”
“I know.”
“That’s…dirty.”
I hate that he uses that word, but it’s so fucking fitting for how I feel.
I wish I could take it back.
The betrayal in her eyes…it fucking gutted me.
I’ve had this pit in my stomach all morning. Not even my coffee tastes good.
“She has to be pissed at you. I know I would be.” His words don’t make me feel any better. “What the hell were you thinking?”
I blow out an exasperated breath. “I was giving her the push her father took away.”
“And was that your call to make?”
“I just…I saw how badly she wanted to do it but was too scared. I thought of all the times she almost took control of what she genuinely wanted, and then all the times she’s backed away. I thought if I brought them along and she saw how great the truck was doing, she’d be more open to adding her stuff into the mix. Then the box was lost and…”
“You volunteered her as tribute,” he finishes. He takes a sip of his coffee, then sets the mug down. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Grovel?”
“That’s a start.” He chuckles. “Have you talked to her at all?”
“Not since the festival. She’s been…distant.”
“Can’t say I blame her.”
“Me either. It was a total dick move.”
“Look,” he says, setting his fork down. “For what it’s worth, I can see why you did what you did. I can’t say I’d do the same with River, mostly because she’d castrate me and I’m terrified of her, but I get it. I think if you explain your side, she’ll come around. And if she doesn’t, well, I guess you can sleep on our couch tonight. But don’t tell River I invited you. That’ll get me in trouble, and she’d accuse me of choosing sides. Just show up looking all pitiful and shit.”
I snort. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“For your sake and mine, neither do I. So you better sack up and tell the girl you love you’re sorry and will never do it again.”
Wait…the girl I love?
Am I in love with her?
No way. It’s too soon…isn’t it?
Then again…it’s Caroline.