There were two options as to who had kept the fire going. Glancing around the room and over the top of the divider into the small kitchen space, I saw no one. The other bedroom door was closed. Maybe they were gone now. I had no idea if Creed was in college or had a job or what he did other than he was a musician. That much I expected. Creed had been playing the guitar and writing his own songs since he was ten years old. He’d gotten his first guitar for Christmas that year, and by May, when I arrived for the summer, he had mastered several songs and written one of his own.
Cora would sing with him. She had sung beautifully. I used to love listening to them. The sadness came with her memory as it always did. She was the closest thing I had to a sister. She was the only best friend I’d ever had. We told each other all our secrets or I thought we had until the day we found her. I didn’t want to think about that. I’d spent years in therapy dealing with her death. Seeing Creed brought back darkness that I’d fought hard to overcome.
I didn’t want to go back to that place in my head. It was about my focus. I would get some coffee then curl up in a chair beside the fire and make a to-do list for when I got to Gran’s. Focusing on my immediate future and not letting my past come back to haunt me.
The kitchen was small but well-stocked as far as coffee supplies went. There wasn’t much else in the way of nourishment. Unless you counted a bottle of ketchup, a block of cheese, and some stale bread as food. I was impressed with Chet and Griff’s supply of creamer and sugar. Making coffee the way I liked it, with too much sugar and cream, made my morning infinitely better. I stopped off in the bedroom to grab a pen and my notebook, before finding a spot on the sofa close to the fire.
It wasn’t even Halloween yet and it was freezing. This was crazy and something I’d need to get used to living here. In Nashville, they weren’t even wearing long sleeves yet. Unless a random cold front came in for a couple days, no one would need sleeves until November. It didn’t make me miss Nashville though. The only bright spot in my life there had been Griff.
“Morning,” a deep voice said and my head snapped up from the flames I’d been staring at. I’d known he was probably here, but I hadn’t been prepared for this, for talking to him or being alone with him. Hearing his voice again sent my stupid body into a weird turmoil. As if it had missed the sound and wanted to hear more of it. Why did it want to hear more of it? It would only bring me pain. My brain and I were in agreement. It was the rest of me that was confused.
Creed had put on a pair of faded jeans and a vintage Def Leppard t-shirt, but he’d not brushed his hair. It worked for him, but then Creed was the kind of sexy that could wear anything and still turn heads. As a little girl, I’d loved playing with him, and as a teenage girl, I had fallen in love with him.
“Hello,” I said so softly, it was almost a whisper.
“Their coffee is shit,” he said, as he walked toward the kitchen.
I turned my gaze back to the fire. Pretending like we were strangers was difficult. Once there had been so much I wanted to say to him. I’d wanted to ask him why? What had I done wrong? Why had he turned on me without a reason?
Now, he was here. We were in the same room and I had no words. I couldn’t think of one thing to say.
I heard him in the kitchen and as much as I wanted to not care that he was here, my body was attuned to his every move. Maybe it was my nerves or uncertainty. It couldn’t possibly be more than that. His footsteps were soft and I realized he must be barefoot. The cold wouldn’t affect him like it did me. He was a New Englander.
He sat down in the chair across from the sofa and his gaze was on me. I didn’t want to look at him. The fire was less confusing and unsettling. I didn’t have to pretend with the fire. Creed, however, was a different story. How did he expect me to act like we were strangers when there was so much in our past?
“You sure you’re ready for a New Hampshire winter if you’re already freezing?” he asked me.
I turned my head to meet his gaze then. “How do you know I’m moving to New Hampshire?” I asked him.
He smirked. “I asked.” That was it. All he was saying was that he asked.
“Why?” I shot back. If we were “strangers” then why did he care?
He sat his cup of coffee on his knee and gave a small shrug of his shoulders. “Hell, Sailor, I don’t know. Maybe because yesterday I was coming to stay with Chet and try out playing with this new band and the next thing I know you come walking back into my world. I was fucking curious,” he replied.
I watched him as he took another drink of his coffee before responding.
“You acted like you didn’t know me,” I said, pointing out the obvious.
The corner of his lips curved ever so slightly. “Yeah, well, I don’t know about you, but rehashing our history together in front of those two didn’t sound like a good time to me.”
Okay. That did make sense. If he’d let on that we knew each other, they would have wanted to know the details. Griff would have wanted more than I’d be willing to share. He would have wanted to know why I never told him about Creed and Cora. I wouldn’t have been able to explain that without possibly hurting him. I turned my focus back to the fire and drank my coffee.
We sat in silence for several minutes. I didn’t know what to say or if there was anything to say. Our past needed to stay in the past, and although I felt like I was lying to Griff, I couldn’t talk about Creed and Cora. I’d never been able to talk about the Sullivans. Not to anyone other than my therapist and she had forced it out of me.
“Best if we keep the past to ourselves,” he said breaking the silence.
I nodded my head and didn’t look at him.
He stood up then and I wondered if I’d ever be alone in the same room with him again. This would be my only chance to ask him the questions that had not only hurt me but had broken me. I had this moment and I knew I wouldn’t take it. It no longer mattered. I had moved on from Creed Sullivan. He wanted to forget and so did I.
“Griff seems like a nice guy,” he said as he stood looking down at me.
I nodded. “He’s a great guy,” I told him and forced a smile. If no other truth could be told that one could. I’d been lucky when Griff walked into my life. He had been everything I needed. He had saved me when nothing else had worked. Loving Griff was easy.
I didn’t watch as he walked away. The bedroom door closed and I knew I was alone in the room again. I had a list and some phone calls to make. Thinking of Creed Sullivan was in my past and I would not bring that back up.
I picked up my pen and opened my notebook, just as the first strum of the guitar came from the other room. Pausing, I let myself remember how his face looked when he played. It had once been one of my favorite things to see.