And, it seemed, while she had been unpacking my things, she’d come across this photograph of Margot and placed it here. I couldn’t guess why. Maybe that was a passive way to confront me about finding it amongst my possessions. But I’d rather she had yelled at me, so I could apologize and throw the thing rather than find it shoved in a drawer. Or maybe, and somehow this was worse, she thought I wanted it here and had quietly seen to my wishes. If she’d been truly angry, she would have taken the gun she must have found when she was sorting through my things and hunted me down.
I leaned down, cradling Penny against me carefully so that I wouldn’t wake her as I took the frame up out of the drawer. Laying it on the desk, I looked around and realized there was no rubbish bin for me to toss it in.
There was a light knock on the door and I called out, “Come in.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you.” Nora shuffled into the room, her arms empty. Mrs. Winters must not have done the washing yet. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”
I stood and circled around my desk. “Take her, so we can find somewhere to sit.”
Nora accepted Penny with ease. She looked like a natural holding the baby. Belle had chosen correctly, despite her concerns about Nora’s age.
I dug out a chair from under a few boxes of books and moved it across from my desk. “Have a seat.”
I hesitated, wondering if I should take the baby back, but Nora continued to hold her, sinking in the chair, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. I returned to my chair, a pit opening in my stomach. What could have made her nervous this early into her position with us.
Nora’s eyes were on my desk, and too late, I realized she was staring at the photograph of Margot.
“She’s pretty,” Nora said conversationally. “You sister?”
Margot had been beautiful. Hammond always made sure the women he dangled over my cage were tempting enough to distract me. But everything about Margot had been false. Beneath her beauty, there had been a void. She’d filled it with champagne and drugs and whatever man caught her eye. I’d done the same. We’d lived that life together, and I told myself that was what love was. I was young and stupid enough to believe it. She was beautiful and wild and everything a stupid, reckless boy could want.
"Not exactly,” I said, leaving it at that. I was having a hard enough time explaining to myself why there was a picture of my dead wife in my office. I didn’t really want to get into it with the nanny. “What do you need to talk to me about?”
“I want to tell you that I’m enjoying Penny and being here,” she began. I recognized a preface when I heard one. I’d made enough arguments in front of the courts to know one when someone was about to deliver a carefully crafted speech. Whatever was weighing on Nora, she had some time to think about it. But she’d only been here a few days. What had she seen that I hadn’t? She took a deep breath, before continuing, “I’m concerned about your wife.”
“Belle?” I said.
“Unless you have another one,” she said with a nervous laugh.
I wondered then if she guessed who the woman in the photo really was, and if so what she thought of me: a married man with a new baby looking at pictures of his dead wife. I was beginning to feel out of sorts.
When I didn’t respond, she cleared her throat before pressing forward, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that Belle’s been sad lately.”
She chose the word carefully. I knew by how much emphasis she placed on it.
“The doctor said to expect this,” I told her, wanting to assuage her fears. “Hormonal shifts and whatnot.”
“Yes, I’m sure it can be.” She looked at Penny, who was still sleeping in her arms. “But I’m not sure it’s that simple.”
“Did something happen today?” I asked, thinking of how they came home early with Belle already needing a nap.
“I don’t want to tell tales,” she said with hesitation. “It’s not really my place.”
“My wife and I have no secrets. If she hasn’t told me what happened, it’s only because she’s resting. You should never be concerned to tell me anything, particularly if it involves our daughter. I want to be as involved as I can be.”
“In that case,” she said slowly, “It was really silly. She forgot the nappies in the changing bag. I found a stack just now in the nursery. Not exactly a big deal.”
“But it might be if you needed one,” I said, guessing where the story went.
Nora nodded, shifting a little as Penny stirred. “Belle had every right to be frustrated, but…”
“Did something else happen?” I asked, worry beginning to take hold.
“She couldn’t stop crying. We got the nappies and she went to change her. She wouldn’t let me help. When she came back, she said we had to leave. She wouldn’t talk at all on the way home.”
I sat silently for a moment, contemplating what she said. I wasn’t surprised to hear my wife had been crying. I’d witnessed plenty of that myself. “I’ll speak with her about it.
“I don’t want her to be angry with me,” Nora said.
“I won’t tell her you told me,” I said with a reassuring smile. “I’ll let her tell me herself.”
“I just thought — it’s not really my place – but maybe she should speak to a doctor,” she said, adding quickly, “I’m sorry. That was too forward of me.”
“You have my wife’s best interest at heart,” I said gruffly. “Your honesty is always welcome when it comes to keeping my family safe.”
This seemed to appease her, and her rigid shoulders relaxed a little. I’d eased the burden she carried by adding it to my own shoulders— where it belonged.
"I’m going to take this little one into the nursery,” Nora said, “and give you a little quiet time.”
I didn’t miss the suggestion in her voice. I was being sent to check on Belle. I was grateful Nora was here so that I could have a moment alone with my wife. As much as we both loved Penny, we’d barely had a moment together since she’d been born. It was all the more reason to have Nora around. And I appreciated that she’d come to speak with me, even if it wasn’t news I wanted to hear.
It was a wake-up call—a reminder that I was too close to the situation. I’d expected things to get better, without really knowing if they would. I stood, picking up Margot’s photograph and shoved it in an empty box by my desk. I would get rid of that later. Right now, I needed to check on my wife. I strode out of the office and down the hall to her bedroom. Cracking the door carefully, I peeked inside. The silk curtains we’d closed at night were drawn open, and afternoon light seeped through the window, haloing her body. I wandered over, worried I would disturb her. As much as I wanted a moment alone with her, she hadn’t been sleeping well. Maybe she really just needed a nap. I climbed quietly into bed behind her, doing my best not to rouse her and molded by body against hers. I breathed in the light orange blossom scent perfuming her neck. She’d once told me she slept better when I was near her. So, maybe we hadn’t had sex for a while, but holding her felt damn near as good.
A soft tremble rose in her chest, and I stilled. It took a moment before I processed what I was hearing. I thought Belle’s breathing was soft snores, but, now that she was in my arms, I realized, with horror, that she was crying again.