Oh fuck. Max wanted to leave for good. He actually wanted to leave, and it wasn’t just because of the girls. He wanted to go back to the city. I’d been working up the nerve to ask him to stay through New Year’s. Clearly, that was shot, and the chance for anything more was…well, it had always been impossible. Max was going back to his fancy life in New York City, and a week here with us—a week with me—wasn’t enough to change his mind. Especially not when, the first second something went wrong, I did the same thing everyone else in town had done years ago and turned my back on him.
I had ruined his Christmas.
I had ruined everybody’s Christmas.
Some of my dismay must have shown, because Max’s eyes softened. “It’s okay.”
It was the furthest from okay we could get, but I couldn’t form the words to argue that now. My heart felt like it was splitting in two.
“Everything’s okay between us,” he said. “I promise.”
“Okay,” I said hoarsely after a minute. God, that was a shitty way for us to be, this lukewarm state, but it was no better than what I deserved. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Have you eaten anything since breakfast?” Hal asked, doing his best to interject a semblance of normalcy back into the conversation. “We’ve got Christmas dinner waiting for you.”
Max smiled. “Is it the kind you microwave first?”
“It’s a honey-glazed ham that I baked in my own oven, jackass,” Hal said. “And brussels sprouts, sweet potato casserole, and chocolate cake that the girls wanted because we haven’t eaten enough sugar yet this holiday season.”
“Sounds delicious.”
Max ate dinner, and Hal and I picked at a little more. We tried to get a conversation going, but my words kept failing me. How was I so good at talking when I was at work and so bad at talking when I was with someone I cared about? After we all finished and Hal started up the dishwasher, Max made sounds about heading up to bed.
I finally found my voice. “Do you have a ride to the mechanic’s tomorrow?”
“I was going to ask Hal,” Max said, but he sounded ready to be convinced otherwise.
“Let me do it.”
Max looked at me for a long moment then nodded. “Okay. Maybe you should spend the night here, then. I want to get a kind of early start, and I know you have work tomorrow.”
A faint sense of relief washed over my icy core, thawing it a little. “I’d love to stay.” I didn’t even care if we did anything. I just wanted to be with him for as long as I could. This…whatever it was we were doing together, our interlude, our moment—it was almost over. After this, he would go back to New York, back to being Hal’s friend, back to someone who barely knew me and didn’t want much to do with me.
If this was all I had left, I’d take it.
We went upstairs together, and Max headed straight for the bathroom, his left hand rubbing his right arm. “I think I’ll take another shower,” he said quietly. “I still feel kind of cold.”
“Sure, go for it.” I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. But when I opened them again, Max was looking at me.
He held out a hand. “Do you want to join me?”
Relief, desire, and a strange undercurrent of desperation flowed through me like a river bursting through a dam. I wanted to savor every second of tonight. “Yes. Please.”
I had my clothes off before he did, and I was grateful when we finally stepped into the shower. I tried to give him space, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me in close. His fingers were ice cold.
The water was hot, though, filling the air with steam and turning Max’s legs to jelly. Or maybe that was me five minutes in, kneeling between his feet and sucking him off like my life depended on it. I was grateful for the fall of water over my face—it made it hard to single out the warmth of Max’s cock, or his specific taste, or anything else that might make remembering this harder to handle. There was just water, and heat, and Max pulsing between my lips, groaning hoarsely as I slid a soap-slicked finger inside of him and asking for more as I worked my mouth over the head of his cock. I used my free hand to grip the base and jerked him off, fucking and stroking him and doing my best to make it as good as possible. I wanted to give him a good memory to end things on. I needed to do that.
When Max began to come, I pulled back far enough to watch, working him through it and finally, as the tremors from his orgasm slowed down, looking up at his face. I’d expected his eyes to be closed, or maybe glazed, unfocused, staring off into the distance—but he was looking right at me. I leaned back, carefully disengaging, not knowing what he saw in my face and not caring right now.
“God,” Max whispered then held out a hand. “Come here.” I stood, wincing a little at the soreness in my knees, then leaned into Max with a gasp as he wrapped his hand around my dick. His fingers were slippery with soap, his grip tight, and it took me less than a minute to come against his hip, fucking up into his grasp while I buried my face against his shoulder. I kissed him there, all I dared to do even though I’d just had part of my body inside of him.
Max sighed and kissed my cheek. “Let’s get out of here before it cools off, okay?”
I wanted more time.
I needed more time with Max.
But I didn’t know how to ask, so I nodded and got out of the shower.
…
My alarm woke us both up at six the next morning. I had my top arm wrapped around Max’s waist, and the bottom one was in a position that would have put it to sleep if we’d laid there much longer. I wished it had. Max shifted in my grasp then lifted my hand off his stomach. Instead of pushing it off, though, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.
“Hey,” he said sleepily.
A burst of sudden longing made my chest ache. “Hey.”
I kissed the back of his shoulder and closed my eyes, reveling in the contact and the warmth for another moment, before I steeled myself and scooted away. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and pulled them on hurriedly, facing away from Max.
“I’ll make coffee,” I said and headed out of the bedroom before Max could ask me to leave. I couldn’t handle it if he did.
Downstairs, I checked my phone as I spooned grounds and poured water—one text from Lauren, an emoji with a grumpy face, which was typical for her on the first morning back to work after a break. The other one was from—Ariel.
I stared at her name hesitantly.
Ariel and I hadn’t cared much for each other for a long time—we’d been rivals for Hal’s attention ever since they started dating. It was only once Marnie came along that we found a way to be allies and eventually friends. Listening to the girls chat to her yesterday, and feeling calmer about everything now, I had to admit to myself that I missed her. She’d been good to Hal and her girls, and even to me when I’d returned from the military a little lost.