I took a deep breath and opened the message.
Merry Christmas, Nicky. Marnie and Steph talked so much about you. I’m grateful every day that you’re there for them. I’m sorry.
Yesterday, I would have sneered at her apology. This morning, I was fatigued by it. I put the phone aside and turned my attention to making eggs.
By the time Max came downstairs, Hal was stirring and at least one of the girls was awake. That was good—he shouldn’t leave without saying good-bye. It made things less intimate between us, but that was how it should be at this point. I’d had my last night with him. This was how things would be from here on out.
Max stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and watched me for a moment before he came in. “Hi.”
“Hey.” I handed him a plate. “Eggs over easy, toast on the side.”
“Dominic’s Diner is open for business,” he said as he took the plate, and there was a little clever glint in his eye that I loved seeing.
This was okay. We could do friendly.
It might break me to pieces, but I could do this.
“Nah, Dinah would kill me.” I dished myself out a spoonful of scrambled eggs then covered the frying pan so the rest of it wouldn’t get cold. “Maybe I’ll moonlight there, though. Get a part-time job as a short order cook.”
“Then when would you have time to finish your house?”
I shrugged and sat down at the dining room table. Honestly, my house was the last thing in my mind. What did I have there, after all? A bunch of unfinished work in the middle of a heaping pile of emptiness. Huzzah.
Max looked like he wanted to say more, but then Hal was there, ruffling his hair like Max was one of his kids—or like he was me—before getting his own coffee and food. They gently bickered then stopped once the girls showed up. Max explained that he had to go home a little early, and they were both terribly disappointed.
“When will you be back?” Marnie asked. “Will you come back for our birthdays?” The girls were only one week apart in May, oddly enough, and always celebrated together.
“I definitely will,” Max promised her.
Steph crawled up onto his knee. “I’ll miss you,” she said, and Max’s face did a little thing where it crumpled partially before he recovered it. It looked like saying good-bye to them hurt.
Good. I didn’t mean it in a petty way—or fuck it, maybe I did, maybe petty was perfectly on brand for me—but it should be hard for him to go. I might not be his family, but Hal and the girls were. It ought to hurt to leave them.
I wished that it hurt to leave me, too.
Max got up and put his plate and fork in the dishwasher then glanced at me. “We should go.” I nodded but didn’t trust myself to speak. “I’ll go get my stuff.”
“We’ll help you!” Marnie and Steph jumped to the floor and ran for the stairs.
Ten minutes and one spilled suitcase later, Max and I were on our way to get his car. I wanted to speak—to say something, to say anything—but I just didn’t know what to say. There was a distance between us now that I couldn’t breach. I had done more than my fair share to put it there, so I couldn’t complain about it, either.
Even when I casually drove under the speed limit, we got to the mechanic’s too soon.
I pulled in, and Max got out of the car, and after a second of internal debate, I got out with him. He grabbed his bag out of the backseat then turned to me and said, “Thanks for the ride, Dominic.”
“It was nothing.” It was the absolute least I could do. “Drive safe.”
Max’s mouth quirked up on one side. “I’ll do my best.” He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something else—an apology, maybe?
I couldn’t handle another apology from him. I leaned in, slowly, and when he didn’t pull back, I kissed his cheek, right at the edge of his lips.
I wanted more, I wanted so much more, but it wasn’t my place to take it.
“I’ll miss you.”
Max gave a little nod, his mouth open, eyes wide.
I turned and got back into my car.
I couldn’t watch him leave.
Instead, I drove to work, hoping against hope that it would help me forget about Max, just for an hour or two.
I’d never be able to forget about him for longer than that.
I’d never be able to forget him. Period.
Chapter Thirteen
Max
“It’s about time you got out of there.”
Marcus greeted me like that when I walked into his office early on Monday, after spending all of Sunday afternoon rewriting contracts, emailing back and forth with Jessie, and settling into my apartment. The last part was the hardest—it was just me again, no playful dog or laughing kids or Hal or Dominic anymore. It seemed unreasonable that I should miss them, miss him, so damn much after only a week.
Or maybe it was just that I missed falling asleep next to someone and waking up to find them curled up against me like they couldn’t stay away, my heart skipping a beat at the feeling of being needed like that.
“There’s more than enough to keep you busy for the next few weeks thanks to your unexpected vacation,” Marcus went on, pushing a cup of coffee at me along with a roughed-out to-do list—another to-do list, on top of the one I’d already made. “If you work your ass off, though, you might be able to finish reeling in this client before the New Year, but if you don’t, that’s going to factor into your end-of-year bonus.” He winked at me. “I’ve got it on good authority that if you do land this whale before then, your bonus might just include a corner office.”
I smiled. It felt decidedly forced, like my mouth just didn’t want to bend that way anymore. Shit, I needed to get it together. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? This was my big opportunity, my shot at the next level in the firm. I should be insanely happy right now. Instead, all I could think about was how little I cared about a corner office.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“I’ll get to work right away.” Enough work would knock me out of my funk. Enough time focusing on something other than Edgewood and Dominic—and everyone I was missing there—and I’d be back on an even keel.
Sure I would.
Instead of being able to power through my mood, though, work just ended up feeling hellish. I was in the office sixteen hours a day putting out fires, schmoozing the client, and getting paperwork queued up to go through the second the courts were open for business again. I worked so much that the only thing I should have had the space to think about when I was awake was, well, work.