“I would never put my baby in danger,” I hissed.
“I know you wouldn’t, Gwen, but you won’t be able to control what happens when you get on that plane.” His voice brokered no argument, but hell if I wasn’t giving him one.
“You’re right. I don’t have any control,” I agreed acidly. “I don’t have control over the fact my brother is dead, that my parents are beyond devastated, that my heart is broken. And I can’t control the fate of my baby, as much as I wish I could shield it from everything in this world, I can’t. We could die in a car crash on the way to the airport. I can’t control that. But I would never let anything in my control hurt my child, or even give anything the possibility of hurting my child. There is no way you have any say in my staying here once I get the all clear from the doctor. I need to go home and help my parents bury their son. I need to bury my brother.”
I didn’t allow the expressions on Cade’s face permeate. I didn’t allow him to speak.
“I need you to leave,” I told him flatly, eyes on the ceiling.
“I’m not fucking going anywhere.” Cade’s voice was concrete.
The fire that had so quickly sparked inside of me withered, the strength to fight him just wasn’t in me. I was too busy using it to try to fight the grief that was crushing my chest. Too busy trying to fight off the reality that my brother was actually gone. So I just ignored him, stared past him, to the monitors that showed my baby’s heartbeat. I focused on that, clinging to that little sound like it was my lifeline. Cade was talking, stroking my face, kissing my head. I ignored him.
“Gwen.”
He softly grabbed my face, pulling it close to his, forcing my gaze away from the monitor. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, the door opened and Amy burst in. She stood at the door, her face red and splotchy, eyes rimmed red, pain etched into every inch of her body. We just looked at each other a beat. A single tear ran down my best friend’s cheek.
“Gwennie,” she choked before rushing to the bed. She didn’t even acknowledge Cade, who stood to let her crawl in next to me. She sobbed quietly, her body shaking next to mine, I held onto my best friend for dear life.
Amy clutched my hand as the plane touched down. I looked over at her makeup free face and attempted a weak smile.
“Well, we made it home and this little one has behaved.” I put my hand over my stomach, letting the relief wash over me.
She squeezed my hand and looked down at my stomach.
“I expected nothing less from our super baby.” She attempted a jaunty wink, but couldn’t hide the raw pain that lurked beneath her eyes. Yet again, she was trying her best to take care of me, help take on my grief when her own threatened to drown her.
I sighed, gazing out to the tarmac and into the windows of the airport that held my parents. I yearned for the comfort of my mother’s arms, the strength from my father’s embrace. I was also dreading the moment I saw them. The moment I saw the loss in their faces, the point where this would all become real. The moment when my blissful numbness would crack away to reveal the agony that threatened to destroy me.
The last few days were a blur. I had stumbled through them like a zombie, unable, unwilling to feel anything. I was detached, my emotions unplugged.
I had ended up having to stay overnight at the hospital and Cade never left my side, sleeping in the chair beside my bed, while Amy lay beside me. I paid him little notice, clutching Amy’s hand, lying wide awake with my eyes glued to the ceiling.
I knew he watched me most of the night, I could feel his gaze on me. When I was discharged, I discovered the entire club camped in the waiting room.
Even Steg.
I guessed that would’ve surprised me had I not been blissfully detached. I would’ve also been touched by the concerned faces, the loving and thoughtful words coming from the staunch bikers, but I woodenly stared past them all, clinging to my little world of unfeeling.
Amy had arranged her father’s jet to be ready as soon as I was discharged, having my essentials packed and ready to go when she picked me up from the hospital. We were meant to be leaving straight from there, and Cade all but exploded when he learned this.
He was pushing me in my chair to the curb when Amy pulled up. She jumped out of the car and directed a glare at him — someone obviously filled her in. She wiped the scorching look off her face and smiled down at me weakly.
“I’ve got everything we need for our trip, Gwennie. Daddy’s jet is waiting for us at a small airstrip outside of town and it’ll take us to LAX where we’ve got the next plane to Auckland. Daddy also insisted we take his doctor with him on the flight. Just in case.”
She looked at my stomach and leaned down to help me up, pointedly ignoring Cade , until he stopped her with a hand on her wrist.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Amy? You can’t just take the mother of my child halfway across the world. Wherever she goes I go,” he growled, fury saturating his tone.
Amy raised an eyebrow and glared down at the tattooed arm covering hers, her look glacial. “You can take your hand off me right now,” she hissed and continued to help me up when Cade complied.
He gripped my shoulder.
“I can and I will take Gwen back to her family and her home, to the people that love her. In case you’ve forgotten, she’s going to attend the fucking funeral of her only brother,” she snarled and a blade went through my soul.
“It just happens to be convenient that her home is as far away from you as humanly possible, and a silver lining in this fucking nightmare is the fact that you are a criminal with a record, which means you aren’t going anywhere.”
Without waiting for a response, she gently helped me stand from the chair directing me away from Cade and the men who had stopped behind him. The men I considered family.
“Jesus, Gwen, wait,” Cade pleaded. The grief and anger in his voice made me turn.
I put my hand on Amy’s arm. “It’s okay, Amy.” My voice was still cold, flat.
She glared at Cade then took her hands off me. As soon as that happened, Brock surged forward, pulling her away and hissing frantically in her ear.
I didn’t move an inch, Cade was on me in one stride, framing my face with his hands. His eyes locked with mine, face hard and soft at the same time.
“Baby, Gwen. Just give me some time to sort this shit out. I’m coming with you. You are not facing this without me. I won’t let you go through this without me.” His words were firm, his tone a promise. “I love you to the depths of my soul. The baby too. I won’t let you go through a second of this without me by your side,” he finished softly, hand caressing my belly.
I stared back at him, the love, concern, anguish in his eyes failing to affect me. My emotions were locked up deep inside me. I couldn’t let them out. I couldn’t have the loss coursing through my veins like a poison. I was afraid I wouldn’t survive.
“You need to let me go,” I responded flatly.
His arms tightened on my neck. “Baby, please.” His voice almost broke and his stare burned into mine.
“Let me go now, I have a plane to catch.” I watched him flinch at my tone. What he didn’t do was let me go.
“Gwen—”