I gazed into the eyes of the man I loved, unable to form words. The words to tell him how much I missed him, how it had felt like a physical pain to try and struggle through every day without him, how I wished he had been here to watch our baby grow.
“I’m so sorry I took so long to get here, baby. I’ve been thinking of you every day, every second. It’s been killing me not seeing you, hearing your voice. Knowing you were in pain, knowing every day you were changing, our baby growing inside you. You don’t know the amount of times I considered chartering a fucking jet to get to you.” His eyes searched my face. “It nearly shattered me, talking to your family, not being able to hear your voice, not being able to touch you, not being able to see your beautiful face.” His hand moved to cradle my belly. “Not being able to experience every second of our child growing inside you, that has been pure torture. I spent hours staring at that fucking picture you left on my refrigerator, staring at my baby.”
His face was tortured and soft at the same time, his gaze was so full of emotion I couldn’t process it all.
“Say something please, Gwen,” he pleaded.
I couldn’t. There was nothing I could say without letting myself shatter. So I pressed my mouth to his, needing to feel our physical connection. He took over the second my mouth touched his, probing my mouth, sliding his tongue along the seam.
I yielded to him, letting him inside clinging to him for dear life. The kiss went wild, savage. I ran my hands through his long hair, needing to touch more of him. His hands left a trail of fire over my belly, up to my breasts, squeezing them tightly. I cried out, surprised at how sensitive they were. He stopped instantly.
“Did I hurt you?” He loosened his hold on me a fraction, his eyes searching mine, full of concern.
I shook my head. “The opposite. You’re the only person that can heal me,” I whispered.
And that was it. My shield shattered into a thousand pieces and I collapsed against him. All the pain that had been coiled so tightly stretched to every part of me, and I sobbed into his jacket, barely noticing his arms wrap around me, hands stroking my hair.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I clung to him for dear life, reveling in the strength he represented. I sniffled against him as he wiped the last of my tears from my face and kissed my head.
“Everything is going to be okay, Gwen.” His voice was so strong, so sure, I actually believed him.
I stood in front of the mirror in my bra and undies, rubbing the cream on my stomach that promised to reduce stretch marks. It’d bloody better. I had had the stuff flown over from France, I really didn’t want stretch marks.
After Cade had found me and I had cried every tear in my body, we had slowly walked back to the house. He never let me go even for a second, as though he thought I would float away. When we got to the house, I was surprised to find I had more tears to shed with my family.
It was exhausting, painful beyond belief, but it helped. Not a lot, but a little. I still felt like I was bleeding from the inside out, but the pain lessened a bit, or maybe I became stronger. Either way, we gave Cade the tour, avoiding Ian’s old room like the plague. I was surprised to find that his bags had been deposited in my room without a word from my father. He had always been strict and unbendable about that certain rule. Later on in the night after a beer or two, he had proclaimed, “The jig’s up, Mouse, you’re pregnant, can’t see him staying in your room’s gonna change that much.”
My face flamed, and Amy had snorted with laughter. I froze and watched her, it was the first time she had laughed since it happened. My mother and father must’ve noticed as well, but they were better at hiding their reactions.
Even with the undercurrent of sorrow that seemed ever present at the table these days, it had been nice. Cade and my father got on like a house on fire, although I suspect Cade may have had words with my father before searching for me. My mother, of course, adored him from the get go.
I was worried he might’ve been overwhelmed, but he seemed completely comfortable, although his hand was still clutching mine, even though he could only eat with one hand. This was the case for me too, but I could barely nibble, so much was going through my brain. He noticed this and immediately let me go.
“Eat please, babe. I know our baby is getting big and strong, but you need more meat on your bones,” he told me softly.
I nodded, he clasped my hand again and brought it to his mouth, kissing it softly before setting it down on the table, allowing me to pick up a knife and fork.
I put a couple bites in my mouth before I realized the table was silent. My mouth full I looked up to find everyone staring at Cade and me. My Mum’s eyes were full with tears, my father’s were on Cade, full of respect. Amy’s were full of happiness and something else.
“What?” I demanded through my food.
My mother’s eyes instantly narrowed. “Gwen, don’t talk with your mouth full, Cade will think we’re savages,” she scolded.
I almost choked on my food at this ridiculous remark, managing to swallow without needing the Heimlich. Cade smirked at me out of the corner of his mouth.
I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, Cade leaned against the door, his eyes glowing. I didn’t move my eyes from his, but I felt shy under his gaze. I grabbed my robe to cover up.
“Don’t,” he commanded, his voice barely above a growl.
He slowly walked towards me, eyes devouring me. I shivered as he approached. He stood in front of me and slowly rubbed his hand against my belly, spreading the cream across its considerable expanse.
His eyes glued to my stomach, his voice was rough and soft at the same time. “What’s this for?”
I swallowed, his hands sending tingles down to my toes. “It’s for, um, stretch marks. So I don’t look like a tiger when Bun comes out,” I joked.
His eyes snapped to mine. “Any evidence you’ve carried my child is welcome to me.” His voice was full of possession.
“Bun?” he asked after a beat, eyes locked on mine.
“Well, um, when I found out about the baby, Amy and I joked about a bun in my oven. Guess the name stuck with me.” I was surprised that my voice was shaking, there seemed to be electricity crackling between us.
Cade got that unreadable look on his face again, gazing down at my stomach in awe. “Bun,” he repeated softly.
“Amy calls her Supe because she thinks you have super sperm,” I blurted.
Cade looked at me, face blank, then barked with laughter, then he stopped abruptly. “Her?” He continued his one syllable conversation.
I fiddled with my fingers, until he grasped them, I felt his gaze burning into mine and I lifted my eyes to meet his.
“Well, I don’t know for sure, I never let the doctors tell me. It just didn’t feel right, you know, without you,” I stuttered over my words, feeling ridiculous for being so nervous, this was the father of my child for crissakes.
“I just have a feeling, it might be a she,” I told him quietly.
His hands moved from mine, down to my hips, toying with the sides of my underwear. He growled slightly, then I was up. My legs automatically circled his waist as he carried me out of the bathroom to my bed, not showing any struggle at carrying my extra weight. He placed me down gently, slowly peeling off my underwear, kissing my legs on the way down. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as his touch set me on fire.