Jensen pushed him back against the bench, pressing against him with a serious look on his face.
“Because, I fucking love you. I never feel close enough to you, and it makes me wonder if you ever feel the same. If you don’t, then I guess this isn’t meant to be.”
Lukas seemed torn and his voice shook slightly as panic and nerves took over.
“Jense, please…”
“Think about it,” Jensen said gently before turning and walking up to his bedroom, shutting himself inside.
Lukas glanced up at me with a sigh, pain and confusion mixing in his almond eyes.
“What the fuck do I do with that?”
I raised an eyebrow, moving against him to kiss his cheek affectionately.
“You need to think about it. Do you love him?”
He appeared frustrated but gave a jerky nod as he mumbled.
“Yes.”
Thank fuck.
I didn’t want things to get messy between them, and I didn’t want Jensen hurt.
“Then you need to stop fighting him on this if you think you’re ready, and try to sort out a way to grow together. It’s okay to do things with him that feel right, even if they’re new and a little bit scary. He’s not going to judge you or brag about shit to people. He’s a guy and you love him, so if you want to be with him, you need to get used to these feelings and accept that it’s okay to be together sexually. It’s okay to be gay or bi, Luke,” I encouraged, hoping he’d let me in.
“He’ll tell Caden and Ty,” he shot back defensively, and a frown took over my face.
They were his friends, so I didn’t get why it mattered.
They’d been nothing but supportive of their relationship from the start, too.
“So what? They’re your best friends. They just want you happy, and you know they don’t care if you’re sleeping with Jense. If you two need tonight to be alone…”
His hands clamped onto my waist and he shook his head firmly as desperation crossed his face.
“No! I need you here. Help me?”
“Help you, what?” I asked softly as his vulnerable eyes bore into mine.
“Help me let him in. I’m not ashamed to tell him I love him, but actually sleeping together? That’s too much right now. I don’t know how to work up to that without freaking out. I love him so much, I can’t lose him.”
I gave him a small smile, running my arms around his neck to keep him close.
“I’m right here, okay? What are you comfortable with already?”
He thought hard for a moment before scrunching his face up, annoyed with himself.
“Not a lot.”
“Is it just what I’ve seen?”
His cheeks heated and he glanced away from me with embarrassment.
“We’ve tried hand jobs, which isn’t too weird, but that’s it.”
“Would you consider having sex with Jense since he offered to bottom? Or did you want to start smaller and work your way into that?”
Was that weird?
Encouraging my ex-boyfriends to fuck each other, while trying to fix my own relationship with them?
I’d get off on it, but it still seemed weird to be so relaxed about it.
He gently moved me back from him and paced, appearing wound up all over again.
“I don’t know, it just freaks me out. I like it how it is.”
He wasn’t really understanding why Jensen was upset, so I cocked my head at him with a small smile.
“You love me, right?”
“Obviously.”
“So how would you feel if I never wanted to do more than kiss and cuddle with you?”
His eyebrows bunched as he frowned with confusion.
“I’d wonder why you wouldn’t want to take it further.”
“Think of Jense next time you get upset and defensive about the subject. He loves you, and you get mad when he wants to get intimate with you. Not going to sugar coat it, Luke. You’d be making him feel like shit and a tad unwanted,” I said bluntly, his face darkening as shame washed over his features.
“I don’t know how to take it further. I freak out every time and run.”
“I’ll talk to Jense. You think about all this shit, then we’ll sit down together, okay?”
He nodded, watching me leave the room as he slouched against the wall to think.
Lukas
I never understood Jensen’s need to take a dick in the ass, but I guessed I did now.
Rory made me realize that I’d probably broken his heart every time I’d pushed him away, and it made me feel like absolute shit.
I didn’t think I’d ever be ready for him to fuck me, but maybe I could try to meet him in the middle and fuck him like he suggested.
I struggled with the hand jobs, so actually having sex with him would be even worse.
I knew he was getting close to shutting us down for good, so I had to grow some balls and give it a go.
I knew Rory meant the shit about Caden and Tyler being cool with it, but would it change if I actually started having sex with Jensen?
Would Jensen suddenly want to make out by the lockers at school?
I wasn’t ready for that, no way in fucking hell.
I snuck up to his room, standing outside like a creeper as he blurted all his frustrations out to Rory.
She was right, we needed to figure this out before I fucking lost him.
Rory
“It’s not that fucking difficult. I’m comfortable letting him fuck me, so I don’t understand why he’s still got his stubborn anti-gay wall up. Maybe it was a dumb idea to take this shit out of the friend-zone,” Jensen scowled, punching his pillow with frustration as he sat on his bed.
I shuffled in front of him and crossed my legs, taking his hands in mine and meeting his gaze.
“You’re naturally more comfortable with yourself in the bedroom than he is. Did you think about guys before Lukas?”
He shrugged as if we were swapping fucking cake recipe ideas.
He was so much easier to talk to about personal things than any of the other guys.
“Not really. I mean, I got curious by gay porn in early high school, but I never actually wanted to fuck a guy. I’ve never been ashamed to try new things though.”
“Lukas hates new things in any aspect of life. He wants to take it further with you, but we have to take it easy on him and move slowly, okay?” I said gently, making him snort as he yanked his hands back with a sour expression.
“He’s had fucking months and months of taking it slow. Why doesn’t he want me?”
I stayed calm, despite wanting to smack him.
I’d never seen him so insecure before, so I had to tread lightly with him too.
“Don’t get impatient with him. I know it’s frustrating, but I’ll help you guys, alright? Have either of you even taken a finger in the ass before?”
He smirked in a way that nearly melted my panties off.
“I’m not ashamed to say I have no problem with a finger in my ass. Best orgasm of my fucking life.”
Why was that hot?
“Was it Luke, or a chick?”
“Chick.”
I gave him a thoughtful look, cocking my head at him.