‘I’ll be careful,’ she told her brother, knowing it was most likely a lie.
As she walked across the bar to where Lorcan was studying the menu, she watched him. As if he sensed she had been looking at him, he looked up and smiled at her. Her breath caught for just a moment in her throat.
No. Her chances of being careful were dropping with every passing moment.
15
Beethoven
‘Your brother seems like a nice guy,’ Lorcan said, after they’d ordered grilled pepper jack sourdough toasties with chunky twice-cooked chips for lunch.
‘He is a nice guy. The best in fact. I’m probably closer to him than I am to my biological brothers. They’re both older than me and moved away after college. For a long time, it was just Noah and I at home and I consider him one of my best friends.’
‘I imagine you have to be great friends to work together,’ Lorcan said.
‘Yeah. I mean, we have our moments, but I know he’s only ever looking out for me. He’s very protective.’
Lorcan nodded. ‘I’ll keep that in mind. Must make sure not to get on the wrong side of Noah. I think my grandad probably sees him as a bit of surrogate grandson, if I’m honest. He’s always talking about him – how selfless he is and successful and how he’s met this great girl and they’re going to be very happy.’
‘Yeah, well, I should let you know that Noah is very protective of Harry too. We all are. He means a lot to us. I know it might sound a bit twee, but the lane is more than a street. It’s more than a community even. We’re like a quirky family and we all watch out for each other.’
‘Grandad said he didn’t know how he’d have gotten through his illness without you all,’ Lorcan said.
While it was nice to feel that she was appreciated, she needed Lorcan to know how much Harry would’ve appreciated his visit. Perhaps it wasn’t her place to be cross about it all, but nonetheless she was. Harry asked for so little from the world. ‘He needed us and we did what we had to do. And we did it because we wanted to,’ she told him.
‘I should’ve come over then,’ Lorcan said and he had the decency to blush.
‘He would have loved that,’ Jo said. ‘Your grandad idolises you. He always has. Always boasting about your achievements. It would’ve have given him such a lift to see you then.’
Lorcan couldn’t meet her gaze. She couldn’t help but notice he was becoming fidgety – her words had clearly rattled him. Maybe she’d said too much. It wasn’t her place to make Lorcan Gallagher feel guilty. She shouldn’t have upset him. But no, she wouldn’t apologise for telling him the truth. He needed to know how important it was, even if it did make him feel uncomfortable.
‘It was complicated,’ Lorcan said, his voice almost a whisper. ‘I know that’s not much of an excuse. But I had a lot going on back then.’
Jo wanted to probe deeper, but she was interrupted by the arrival of Kate, one of the bar staff, with a tray laden with food. If she wasn’t wrong, Lorcan seemed absolutely delighted at the distraction. He was more than happy to change the topic of conversation.
‘Let’s tuck in,’ he said. ‘This smells amazing.’
Paddy was only too delighted to have someone new to drag along the quay and to chase after him when the notion took him to chase some birds. Jo could only surmise that Scraps, Lorcan’s dog now living with his ex-girlfriend, was both smaller and better behaved than Paddy.
The look of abject panic on Lorcan’s face the first time Paddy pulled at the lead and tried to set off at pace along the riverside walk was priceless, and Jo couldn’t help but laugh. She was glad they’d fallen back into an easy way of talking to each other. In fact, she was happy that Lorcan had changed the topic of conversation when their food had arrived. She’d made her point and there no value in labouring. Besides, instinctively she knew that the selfish Lorcan who didn’t come to Derry when his grandad had a heart attack was not the real Lorcan. She felt in her bones that he was a good person.
She grinned as she watched him run for a few metres behind Paddy before he finally managed to persuade the overexcited dog to walk to heel. She wasn’t sure if it was joy or relief, or a combination of both, that prompted the grin on Lorcan’s face when he looked at her.
Jo had known, of course, that Paddy would behave himself after a few minutes. He was a big softie who just got excited for the first few minutes of his walk, as if he could sniff freedom in the air. But he would always, always settle down and walk obediently eventually. Admittedly, it did sometimes feel as if he was walking Jo and not the other way round, but Paddy was still one of the great loves of her life.
The three walked contentedly over the pedestrian Peace Bridge, towards the Waterside and the beauty of St Columb’s Park, which ran along the banks of the Foyle. When they stopped to watch how the river forged a path through the heart of the city, Lorcan spoke.
‘I need you to know, I love my grandad very much,’ Lorcan said sincerely. ‘He has always been a hero of mine. I’ve so many happy memories of visiting him when I was smaller. When he got sick, that time, I… I wasn’t in a good place, you know.’
‘Look,’ Jo said, not wanting him to feel as if he owed her an explanation. She’d made her point earlier and she didn’t want to drag it out. ‘You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I just care about him too, you know. We all do.’
‘And I’m so grateful for that,’ Lorcan said. ‘We all are. It’s not easy being away from him. Dad tried to talk him into moving over to us in Cheshire, you know, after Granny died. Dad had plans drawn up to build him his own annexe at the back of the house because we all know Grandad likes his independence. But he wouldn’t go for it. Said his home was here and his memories of Granny were here and he couldn’t, and didn’t want to, leave either. Dad has a business to run, you know. He couldn’t move back and, well, I…’
‘I get it, you all have lives.’ Jo had the grace to feel admonished for her earlier honesty. ‘And I could’ve told your dad there was no way Harry would leave the lane. He’s forever telling us the only way he’ll leave is in a coffin.’
Lorcan blanched at the words.
‘It makes him happy, Lorcan. He could’ve retired and spent his days reading the paper by the fire in the Ivy with Noah and I minding him. We made that offer, you know. But he wants to live his life and that involves that shop and being lord of all he surveys. Even the on-the-turn bargain basket.’
The colour came back into Lorcan’s face, but his expression was solemn all the same and it wasn’t just because of the wind that was starting to whip around them as they crossed the bridge. ‘Yeah. I can see that. My plan when I came here was to help out as much as possible, but he says he can’t stand having me under his feet, or reorganising the shelves. And he’d definitely not trust me with the pricing gun.’ Lorcan gave a small laugh and then looked ahead. ‘I just want you to know I’m not heartless and it wasn’t that I didn’t care. I need you to believe that.’