Love me or hate me, both are in my favor…If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart…If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind.
~ Unknown
Calli
“You can do this.” I stared up at my dorm building and inhaled a deep breath, but despite my mental pep talk, my feet still didn’t move.
Until a hard body collided with mine, sending me flying. “Shit, sorry,” the guy said, gently grasping my shoulders.
I shirked him off. “They’re called eyes, use them.”
“Jesus,” he muttered, running a hand over his face. “It was an accident.”
“Sorry.” A gentle sigh escaped my lips as I folded my arms around my waist. “First day jitters.”
“Freshman?” His brow lifted with mild curiosity.
“Is there any other kind?” We shared a timid smile.
He was cute. Tall, but not too ripped like most of the football players I’d seen earlier congregating in front of the Student Union.
“I’m Joel.”
“Calli.”
“Nice to meet you, Calli.” My name rolled off his tongue with ease. “What’s your poison of choice?”
My brows furrowed as I stared up at him. I held up an arm, shielding my eyes from the bright Californian sun.
“Degree...” he chuckled. “What are you studying?”
“Oh, sorry. I haven’t declared a major yet.”
“Fair enough. I’m a humanities sophomore. You got assigned to Abrams?” He flicked his head to the two-story building behind me.
“Yeah.”
“Co-ed,” he grinned, “nice.”
“Hmm, is it?”
He laughed again, but it only made the knot in my stomach tighten. “You need to lighten up, Calli the freshman. Party at my place tonight? Nothing crazy, just a few friends. My sister will be there. You should come.”
“I... I’m not sure—”
Joel gave me a pointed look. “What are you going to do? Hide away in your dorm room and watch reruns of Sons of Anarchy?”
“Huh?”
“Sorry, my sister... she’s a huge Charlie Hunnam fan.”
“Does she go here?”
“Sure does, she’s a fresh—”
“Oh my god,” a female voice said, and I turned to find a petite girl with the same dark hair as Joel, approaching us.
“Speak of the devil,” Joel leaned in and whispered as if we were two old friends sharing a secret. “Hey, Sis. I was just coming to find you, see if you’d settled in okay.”
“Yeah, yeah. You mean you wanted to check up on me.” She waved him off, giving me the once over. “Who’s your new friend?”
“Josie, meet Calli, a new freshman. Calli, this is my sister Josie.”
The girl smiled, thrusting her hand at me. I took it gingerly. “Don’t believe anything he’s told you.”
Joel snorted. “Believe it or not, I can manage an entire conversation without even mentioning you.”
“Asshole.” She play-punched his arm.
“Bitch.” He flipped her off, and they both started laughing.
I didn’t realize I was gawking until Josie pushed her face in front of mine. “Uh, Calli?”
“I... sorry. I zoned out there for a second,” I lied. Because watching them gutted me in a way I hadn’t expected.
A way I hated.
I was over Callum.
He was no one to me.
Nothing.
Liar.
“Did Joel invite you to the party?”
“Affirmative.” He grinned again. They were like sunshine on a summer’s day... and I was all thunder and rain clouds.
“You’ll come, right? I don’t have many friends who are freshman. Actually, I have zero.”
“One.” Joel coughed. “Now you have one.” He tipped his head toward me.
“Are you always this...” I searched for the right word. “Intense?”
“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” Josie chuckled. “But seriously, come to the party, please?” She pouted, batting her thick eyelashes at me.
“I—”
“Are you staying in Abrams?”
I nodded, feeling whiplash from this entire interaction.
“Cool, so not only are we new friends but we’re dorm mates too, yay.”
I internally winced. I didn’t know what was worse: having no friends and spending the semester as a social recluse in my dorm room... or having Josie and Joel extending an overzealous offer of friendship.
“Okay, Jos, I think we’re scaring her.”
They’re just being friendly, I scolded myself. “Actually, a party sounds great.” The words got stuck in my throat.
“Yeah?” His eyes lit up and I was sure I saw a flash of interest there.
“Ah-mazing!” Josie laced her arm through mine. “We can get ready together and have some pre-party drinks.... I mean, if you want to.”
“Oh, I don’t drink.”
“No biggie. You can have soda and I’ll drink the good stuff.” She winked. “See you later, J.”
Joel nodded. “It was nice meeting you, Calli.”
“Likewise.”
“Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight.” He started backing away, wearing a goofy smile.
“Oh Lord,” Josie squeezed my arm the second her brother was out of sight.
“What?”
“My brother totally has a thing for you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We were talking for like five minutes. He doesn’t—”
“I know my brother and I know all of his tells, and he likes you.”
A strange sensation washed over me. Part of me was flattered at the idea that a stranger, a guy as cute as Joel, could like me. But the other part... the other part was still too broken to care.
“This year is going to be so much fun,” Josie went on, “I can already tell.”
I murmured a vague reply. Because this year should have been fun, but then my world had been flipped on its head and I’d spent the last eight months in a permanent state of darkness.
Given everything that had happened, it was a miracle I was even here.
But I had to do this.
No matter how hard it was, and how much I didn’t want to be here, I had to do it.
If not for myself…
Then for her.
A few hours later, a knock at my door startled me.
“Hey,” Josie stared back at me as I opened it, her smile morphing into a frown. “Is everything okay?”
“What?” I blinked. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t realize what time it was.”
When I’d finally managed to untangle myself from Josie, after her insisting I attend the party, I’d thrown myself into a day of unpacking and pre-course reading.
I liked to keep busy. If I didn’t, it was too easy to become paralyzed by the grief I tried so hard to keep locked away.
“I brought supplies.” Josie held up a bag, and I gave her a tight smile.
“Great.”
Without invitation, she ducked past me and into my room.