A mistake.
“He called our love a mistake,” I blurted out the words.
Sympathy shone in Josie’s eyes. “What an asshole.”
I thought so too.
I’d thought it for years.
But now I was lost in the memories, reliving the moment my heart was permanently fractured, there was something else.
Something I hadn’t wanted to see at the time.
“He was angry.”
“Huh?”
“Zach… after he started playing for the team, he was like this different person.”
Our paths had rarely crossed, I’d made sure of that. But I’d heard the rumors. The fighting, on and off the court, the detentions.
“More evidence for the hypothesis that some outside force was involved.”
“I didn’t push.”
I don’t know why but the words made me shudder.
“Calli?”
“I didn’t push.” The words bled from my lips as realization dawned on me. “I just accepted it. I was crushed... I thought it was me, something I did.”
After my father and Callum had left, I’d had therapy. Hours of therapy trying to help me deal with the deep sense of worthlessness I felt over never being good enough for my father. When Zach betrayed me, all those feelings rushed back to the surface and I struggled with my self-esteem.
It had been the worst year of my life.
If it wasn’t for Madison and my mom, I don’t think I would have gotten through it.
“Oh, Calli.” I hadn’t even realized I was crying until Josie came over to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry I pushed you to tell me.”
“You didn’t make me...” I gave her a weak smile, sniffling back another wave of tears. “And besides, I think I probably needed to get all that off my chest.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“You’re a good friend, Josie.”
“And you are worthy, Calliope James. Don’t ever let a guy make you feel like you’re not.”
“Thank you.” The tears came thick and fast. “That means a lot.”
“Do you know what you need?”
“A new family?” I managed a weak smile.
Her expression sobered. “Some good old girly fun.”
“I don’t know. I’d kinda planned on staying in and studying.”
Josie rolled her eyes. “Exactly. You’re hiding.”
“I am n—” I stopped myself because she was right.
I was hiding.
Even now, even after everything I’d survived, my default setting was still to retreat when things got too hard.
“Come on, you.” She pulled me up. “We’re going out.”
“This is a bad idea,” I protested.
“All the good ones are.” She winked at me.
“Promise me there’ll be no brothers, ex-boyfriends, or basketball players?” I couldn’t believe I was saying the words, but I also knew I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. The girl afraid to step out of the shadows.
What was it Madison had said? It wasn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it was about learning to dance in the rain.
I might not have been ready to dance in the rain, but I could at least try to walk through it.
Josie clapped with excitement, her eyes alight with mischief as she nodded. “I know just the place.”
The place turned out to be dive bar on the edge of town. It wasn’t a typical student haunt though, with its chipped paintwork and the row of mean looking motorcycles out front.
“A biker bar?” I whisper-shrieked, clutching Josie’s hand. “You brought me to a biker bar?”
“Relax. Xavier is good people.”
“Xavier?”
“The owner. He and my brother go back. Joel would lose his shit if he knew we were out here, but Jay brought me here once. I liked the place, so started sneaking out to come here.”
“To a biker bar?”
Josie shrugged, pulling the door open. “What can I say? I like to live life on the edge.”
The more I learned about Josie Molineux, the more questions I had about her.
The inside of Steel ‘n’ Thunder was as dark and dismal as the outside. But the second the guy at the bar spotted Josie, his scowl morphed into a huge grin. “Little Josie Molineux. Well, I’ll be damned.”
“Hey, Xav.” She leaned over the bar to kiss his stubbled face.
“What brings you to the dark side of town?”
“My girl, Calli, needed to get away from student life for the night.”
His sharp eyes landed on my face and he scowled. “I’m Xavier, this here is my place. I’ve been trying to keep this one out of trouble since she was... how old? Fourteen?”
“Fourteen?” I balked.
“I used to follow Jay around trying to get him to like me.” A shadow passed over her expression.
“He likes you, Jos. Jay fucking loves the bones of you.”
She murmured something and then said, “Sure has a funny way of showing it.”
Xavier chuckled. He was a tall guy with thick black hair, styled in a wicked looking faux hawk. Two black rubber gauges stretched his ear lobes and he had snake bite piercings and a ring through his septum. All in all, Xavier was the most terrifying guy I’d ever laid eyes on. But given the fact we were sitting in a biker bar, I knew he’d probably be the first of many.
“It’s nice to meet you, Calli. Any friend of Josie’s is a friend of mine. Now, what can I get you girls?”
“I’ll take a beer with lime please,” Josie said.
He nodded then looked to me. “Hmm, the same, please,” I croaked.
It didn’t feel like the kind of place you ordered a soda. Besides, one beer wouldn’t hurt, and given the way my heart was beating wildly in my chest, I needed something to help me relax.
We found a booth near the back of the bar and slid into it. “So, what do you think?” Josie grinned.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I admitted.
“It’s a little rough around the edges, but I promise they’re good people.”
“You know these guys?” Discreetly, my eyes ran over the few patrons sitting round drinking. Men, mostly. The kinds of men you wouldn’t want to cross in a dark alley.
“A few of them. I like it here. No one gives me any bother.”
“And you and Xavier, what’s going on there?”
“What?” She gawked. “You think me and Xavier... he’s like thirty. Gross. It isn’t like that at all. He was in basic training with my brother, but it didn’t work out for him. So he came home and Jay didn’t. I don’t know, being here, talking to Xav, it makes me feel closer to Jay, ya know?”
I didn’t, but I nodded anyway.
“Two beers on the house.” Xavier slid a tray onto the table. “Just holler if you need anything.”
“You’re the best, Xav.” Josie blew him a kiss and he rolled his eyes, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“He’s okay with us drinking?” I eyed my beer.
“Yeah, Xavier’s cool. As long as we keep it low key.”