“It’s fine. He just wants me. Thank you though.”
“I thought you were looking forward to helping with the fair. You know it’s important.”
She took a deep breath. “Actually, Mom, you wanted me to help. I didn’t sign up for it. I will go, spend some money, you know, do the right thing and all, but that’s about it.”
Silence met her answer.
“I assumed again, didn’t I?” Eva asked, groaning.
Everyone did.
The one good thing about having your heart broken, stomped on, and rubbed in the dirt was that everyone around you assumed they knew the perfect solution to all of your problems. No one listened.
No one paid attention.
Assumptions.
Pushing you in whatever direction they want to go.
Never fucking listening.
“It’s fine.” And like so many times before, rather than be pissed about it, she accepted it. This was her family.
She’d been hurt in one of the worst possible ways, and then there was Nathan. When he was first born, Tiny, her father, wouldn’t even look at him. In fact, the first time she took him to The Skulls’ clubhouse, no one would even offer to hold him.
Now, that wouldn’t usually bother her.
Possible stinky diaper to change and all that, but she’d seen the guys and the old ladies, even some of the club sluts, they loved to help out. To hold babies, to love them.
Not hers.
No one had touched hers until Angel had come out of the kitchen, holding a large lemon cake, which she shoved into Lash’s arms, and immediately went to her, holding Nathan, kissing his head.
In fact, Angel had sat beside her the entire day, held Nathan, changed his diaper. The next little event after that, everyone had taken a turn in holding her son. She didn’t know what Angel had done, but it had helped her a great deal. The only problem was the damage had already been done. They had already shown their true colors.
Since then, little by little, month after month, her feelings for The Skulls had broken down.
They were no longer perfect.
Family was who they accepted. Nathan, no matter the fucking father, was her blood. No one was going to change that, but they hadn’t accepted him. After everything she’d been through, they could have at least given her this. Since then, it was like the happiness had been slowly withering and dying.
Pulling out of her thoughts, she tuned back in to Eva.
“Well, there’s this spa event that all of us ladies are going to.”
“Look, Mom, no. Okay? No spa day. No helping out with the charity events. I do have a full-time job.” Of all the places for her to work, she’d decided to apply at the library. With a sudden influx of investment, the library had expanded, adding in a computer room, more books, even rooms for conferences. They’d needed more people to help run the place, and she’d signed up. Put her name on the dotted line, got a call, and had been working there for the past three years. Before that, she’d bounced from job to job at The Skulls’ many businesses.
Her parents had told her she didn’t need to work. How she could go to college while they’d take care of Nathan for her. The same people who hadn’t even held her son. It had all been Angel. There was a time she truly believed Angel was weak, but now she saw the truth. Angel’s kindness wasn’t a weakness, it was a gift.
On the school front, she was in the process of taking a few courses at the local college, slowly getting her degree in English. Until then, she was happy to be around books. She loved books so much. They didn’t talk back to her, unless she got audio, but she didn’t listen to them. Once she was done with them, she could close them up, take them back. Her job was amazing. Nathan also happened to love going there, especially to the children’s section when she had to work late.
The new building ran until ten at night. He’d often be curled up with the soft toys, and she’d carry him home.
“I know. I know. It’s just, you’re taking a short vacation.”
“I’m not, Mom. This is my day off.” That reminded her, she’d have to call them and ask about a couple of sick days so she could care for Nathan. “Look, is there anything you need? I want to get Nathan home.”
“Where are you?”
“I stopped off at Millie’s, why?”
“Oh, you didn’t go straight home.”
“You know I’d ordered the board game he wanted. This will make him feel better.” Her patience hit an all-time low. “I’ve got to go. Talk to you soon.” She hung up the phone, pressing both hands to her head to try to alleviate the headache already getting to the point of making her head explode. If she got out of this alive, it would be a miracle.
I can do this.
Her cell phone started to ring again and she immediately put it to vibrate.
“Funny seeing you here.”
Hearing Luke’s voice made her tense. Lash had organized some kind of deal with the Monster Dogs and every now and then, one of their crew would arrive in town. Most of the time, it was Luke, which wasn’t a welcome sight. All it ever made her feel was anger at what she’d lost.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked.
Luke had always been nice to her. Ever since the truth of her pregnancy, he’d been the perfect gentleman.
She hated him.
“I’ve come to pick up a few things. A couple of the guys at the club, their kids’ birthdays—”
“And you’re being perfect, right?”
“I know you don’t like me, but I’m trying here.”
“No, you’re not. You’re not trying. You need to leave this town and stop coming here.”
“I know this is hard for you.”
She laughed. “No, you don’t have a fucking clue what this means to me.”
Luke looked toward the shop and she followed his gaze to see Nathan hugging a cuddly toy. Whenever he did that, it meant he was in pain and trying to be a big brave boy. “If you excuse me, I’ve got to go.”
“You know, if he’s Ryan’s, then he has a right to—” He didn’t get a chance to finish what he was saying. She was done hearing him. Hearing all of this bullshit, and so she wrapped her fingers around his thick neck.
In the past five years, Luke had gotten taller, bigger, more muscular. He was fitting right in with his club.
“You don’t get to say his name to me. Understand? Nathan is mine. No one else’s. He is mine. He is my blood. My son.” Tears filled her eyes.
“I would help you if you let me, Tabs. You know that. You know I’m here for you, always.”
She gritted her teeth and pulled her hand away. “And I’ve told you every single time that you offer, no. I don’t want you, Luke. I’m not going to allow you to think there’s a chance for you. I’m not yours. I will never be yours.”
“You’re still saving yourself for him?” he asked. “After all this time, you still think he’s coming back?”
As she stepped back, her heart shattered into a million pieces. “He’s coming back.”
“And after all this time, you’re going to forgive him? The Skulls and Chaos Bleeds handled this shit. The Monster Dogs covered this as well. We’re all in this together and you’re telling me, what? All is forgiven? He could have come back by now, but he’s still gone.”