“I admit I hate the thought of what Harley attempted to do. It’s burned into my brain, but I felt a connection to her a while ago. Back when I first met her to be exact, but I didn’t approach her. Then everything happened and I decided to leave her be knowing she wouldn’t want someone for a while,” I confess, meeting my brother’s gaze. “Fucked up part is, if I’d done like I should have back then none of this might have happened.”
“You can’t take the blame for something you didn’t know was going to happen. Besides if you play the what if game you’ll get nowhere,” he says, giving me his advice.
Nodding, I open my door and hop out, the only good thing so far for today is the rain finally stopped. I figure I’ll switch over to my bike and head on out to the warehouse, see if I can’t watch a few of the fights beforehand. I’m sure some of my brothers will come with me.
Not only to show support but to have my back in case something were to happen. You mess with one of us you mess with all and we don’t fuck around when it comes to protecting those who we call family.
That includes Harley.
I’ll fight tonight to release the anger building inside me, come tomorrow morning her ass is in my truck and going to get treatment. I’m not giving up on her the way she’s done herself.
Chapter Six
Harley
My life completely sucks.
More than sucks.
It’s been taken over by my wardens who think it’s okay to order me around like they’re some drill sergeant for the military.
I’ve been at this place a week. A whole freaking week and they’ve taken over my life.
After checking in, Neo was allowed to stay for a couple hours to make sure things were sorted and I had everything I needed. Then he left giving me a kiss to the cheek before saying he’d be back when he could.
How weird?
The day after I woke up in the hospital to Stoney, Shadow, and him telling me my choices, Neo picked me up bright and early in the morning. He’d had a bag of my clothes in hand and said he’d packed my suitcase for me already so we wouldn’t have to make any stops along the way.
Great thinking there. Not.
Each day since getting here has felt like jail. I’d tried to sign myself out, but they’d informed me I wasn’t able to due to their rules. I couldn’t leave for thirty days. I also couldn’t have any visitors in that time frame either. Not that I would be getting any visits anyway.
Finding the Way Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center sucks ass in every way. Though I have my own room, we all have to be up at a certain time, eat meals the same way. Then our schedule goes through group sessions to small group, oh and my favorite, one on one sessions with the doctor. Some of the people were here to get help with their drug addictions, others alcohol. Then there’re the ones similar to me and want to end their lives.
Over the past week, I’ve gone from hating this place to pissed I’m here in the first place. I don’t care to hear everyone else’s sob stories. I have enough shit in my head. And unfortunately, now that I’m not dead, I have probably lost all the clients. We’re not allowed to use any electronics here. Luckily, Neo was smart enough to grab a stack of my books. Didn’t matter to me I already read the ones he packed. It was at least something.
“Are you ready to share today?” the doctor asks, leaning back in the chair with her knees in the seat with her.
I remain silent as I have all week. I haven’t spoken to one person. I don’t want to be here and I sure as hell don’t want to be talking to someone like her. Sitting across from me with her glasses perched on her nose seeming to want to judge me for anything that might come out of my mouth.
I don’t know what it is about this woman. Maybe it’s the fact I’m pissed over my choice being taken from me, or it’s the way she always seems to look so perfect every day I’ve seen her. Shiny blonde locks always in place, ample chest, long legs, and a perfect body.
Okay so maybe I’m somewhat green with envy she looks beautiful at all times.
“What if we do things a little differently today?” she offers.
I don’t give her a verbal answer, I simply cast my eyes in her direction briefly.
“Why don’t you, instead of sharing the reasons as to what brought you here, tell me something about you,” she suggests.
I’m not about to tell her anything.
God what’s wrong with me? I’m so angry with the world. The fact I’m here when I don’t want to be. Shit because I’m alive in general. Worst of all my crutch has been taken from me. I’ve gone a week without cutting. The thought of suffocating myself doesn’t have the same effect it usually does when I know I’m going to slice into my thighs directly after.
I want nothing more than to leave this place and run far away from everyone and everything.
Sighing, the doctor decides to end the session knowing I’m not going to speak.
I leave her office and go to my assigned room. Laying down I roll to my side and stare out the window.
My mind wanders all over the place but mostly to Neo. Why did he kiss my cheek? More than that why was he so pissed with me at the hospital yet gentle when he dropped me off here?
He doesn’t even know a thing about me. People aren’t nice to anyone unless they’re out to get something from someone. I for one don’t understand the way other minds work. Only my own and that isn’t a pretty place to be.
I’m weak where most are strong.
Closing my eyes, I let the tears slide down my cheeks. I just want the pain to go away. The reminders of what all I’ve been through in the past. I need the sensation of those who I didn’t want touching me to finally be washed away.
If only it were that easy.
A month into my time here and I thought for sure I would finally be getting out of here. Though I didn’t want to do anything while I was here in regard to speaking with anyone. I at least don’t think, when I leave here, I’ll be cutting myself. I hope not at least. I’ve done a lot of thinking while being in my head. I don’t want to die. I get that, but I’m not going to talk to anyone here about my problems. It’s not theirs to deal with.
During breakfast, I skip going in the dining room in order to pack my things. I intend to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. I need to get out of here, find a taxi or Uber, something to get me somewhere far away from here.
A knock sounds on my door as it opens, and I lift my head to see who it is. I inwardly chastise myself for thinking I’d get out of here and get lost without anyone knowing about it. Nope that’s not about to happen, not when standing in the doorway with the doctor who I’ve refused to speak to along with anyone else, is none other than Neo, Shadow, Stoney, and Venom.
Great.
“Looks like you’re excited to get out of here,” Shadow remarks.
“I understand Harley’s been here for a month, but as I do with all patients here, I like to speak to the families before they leave.” The doctor all but purrs as she stares at each of the men. “If you would like we can go speak in my office,” she suggests.
“We can talk right here in front of Harley,” Stoney declares.