“Er, no. Can you um, put me down as a volunteer?” Why was I beating around the bush when I wanted to ask about Thuong? “I think my family’s going to be in town that weekend. We’d be happy to help in any way we can.”
“I’m delighted they’re going to be here. We’ll have food and artisan craft booths and fun and games for the children. Plus, a surprise. You’ll love it. What else is on your mind, honey?”
“Er, how’s Thuong doing? As you saw, he’s pretty determined to keep me at arm’s length.”
“I can safely say he’s working the steps and doing as well as can be expected. How about you? Did you want me to do another reading for you?”
I hesitated. On the one hand, Minerva’s readings were fun, and I imagined she spun every story in a positive way. On the other, her accuracy so far had been a little uncanny. I didn’t want her readings to affect any decisions I had to make, but I liked her. I wanted her advice, her wisdom, even if she shared it through the cards.
“I don’t have my phone to record the layout this time.”
“You’ll remember what’s important, I promise.” She handed me a deck. “Here. Shuffle.”
I did as she asked, and she laid down the first card. “Ace of swords. Makes sense that this is your past card. The ace of swords represents new beginnings, new ideas, new clarity. The recent past has changed the direction of your life. How does it feel so far?”
“Everything’s been great since I’ve moved here. In a way I’m waiting for some hidden disaster, or… I don’t know. Can something ever be too good?”
“Of course, but nothing wholesome, like finding the place where you belong, or setting up your new home, or starting a job you enjoy. That’s called serendipity. I suggest you revel in it.”
“I will.” She turned over the next card.
“The queen of cups. The wands made themselves heard before as I recall. That told me you were desperately worried about a certain fiery someone in your life. But here”—she tapped her plain, squared-off fingernail on the card—“this is about you. The queen of cups embodies heart and compassion. In the present, this might mean you have a wise and nurturing older female on whom you can rely for guidance.”
I cleared my throat noisily. “That’s an ad, isn’t it? Is the universe shilling for you now?”
She cackled. “It can also mean you are becoming this embodiment of warmth and wisdom for others. Just be careful you don’t give so much to others that your reserves become depleted.”
“I see.” Well, I was considering more volunteer work in the recovery field. And I reminded myself that any card she pulled would fit because confirmation bias was a thing.
“Now for the future.” She turned over the third card. “Ooh. The knight of wands… hmm. Fire again. This card symbolizes great passion and adventure for those brave enough to accept the consequences. And we know there will always be consequences, don’t we? It’s a fitting future, though, accepting the warmth and beauty of fire as long as you’re prepared for the occasional burn. I wonder what more we could ask for?”
“It’s a lot to think about.”
“As if you haven’t already made up your mind.” She gave an exaggerated eyeroll.
My face heated. “So, about that list of vendors?”
“Let’s get that, shall we?” Her odd little reading room acted like a vacuum, and the mundane world rushed in as soon as she opened the door. I got my phone back, and Minerva gave me a thick manila envelope. “This is the list you need as well as a few pages of details I think Leon should know. Tell him he can call me anytime if he has questions.”
“I will.”
I left with a few questions, myself.
Did the ace of swords in the past position mean my great transition was over, or was I still in the middle of it?
Could I live up to the queen of cups card and become the kind of person people might look to for real help and compassion?
Did the knight of wands, which in my mind was obviously a metaphor for Thuong, promise a passionate future or a painful one?
What did St. Nacho’s have in store for me next?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
St. Nacho’s, December 21, Winter Solstice
I’m not going to admit Luke was right, but things have been a lot better lately.
He’s still every fucking place I go, one way or another, especially since I finally got my M1 license. Minerva has me helping with the library fundraiser, so I’ve been running her errands. Between that, working at the bakery, and delivering food for Bistro and a few other places in town, I fall into bed exhausted every night, but exhaustion is awesome.
When you’re exhausted, you don’t have time to make trouble. I sleep like a kid these days. But as I drift off, I think of all the times Luke and I have bumped into each other during the day, and I can’t help wondering, why can’t it be more?
At first it was awkward, giving him a kiss like that. We don’t say anything, we just… kiss. It’s G-rated, like we said. Less than five seconds. If I see him when he’s working, I might mime a kiss or blow him one. He’s such a goofball. He mimes catching my kiss and putting it into his pocket.
I thought I was going to feel stupid, but instead, it warms something inside me to know he’s always there, quietly supporting me. These days, I dream of a future where we can go to the Alano club together instead of giving each other furtive, glancing kisses in the hallway. I imagine delivering more than just G-rated kisses along with his pizzas. I imagine us together, and right now the picture looks pretty sweet.
How soon is too soon?
What does a healthy relationship look like?
I’ve only been in one relationship ever, and that was with heroin. How will I know when love and desire are not just distractions I’m using to get over my “ex?”
Minerva says I’ll know when it’s time. I hope she’s right.
Thuong
As if Minerva and the rest of the library centennial committee had ordered it, the weather on the winter solstice was picture perfect. The sky had been dark blue and fathomless all day, dotted with thick puffy clouds moving fast enough to make watching them dizzying. We got a travelogue-worthy sunset—magenta and mauve and gold—until the sun slid beneath a horizon swathed in blood red and indigo like twilight in the tropics.
After that dazzling display, the festival began with food trucks parked in the library parking lot and all the adjacent streets blocked off to traffic in both directions. Families strolled from place to place sampling food from St. Nacho’s best restaurants and baked goods from Café Bêtise and Miss Independence Pies. Since it was not just chilly but quite cold, everyone had bundled up against the wind from the sea.
There were games and obstacle courses and a bounce house for the kids. I’d helped set up a craft area for wreath making. The high school jazz band played “Jingle Bell Rock.”
Cooper Wyatt strolled through the crowd with his violin, and later, I saw Beck playing guitar with a couple of elementary age kids. They were simple songs. Perhaps Beck had begun teaching guitar.