“What’s up, Fox?” I answer the phone.
“Thought you should know somethin’. And I’ll be in deep shit if she finds out I know. To my knowledge, Kim doesn’t even know this,” he informs me.
“What about her? I was just on my way to your place to see her,” I question him.
“She started a profile for an online datin’ site. Been on it a few days now. I wouldn’t have known if her email didn’t ping. You know I put shit on that when she started goin’ to school and was thinkin’ about livin’ on a campus or somethin’. I don’t normally monitor it, but once I saw it was from that site, I started checkin’ into it. She’s been talkin’ to a guy on there since the day before yesterday,” he states, blowing my whole world up in a few sentences. “It’s time, Killer. Either make your move or let her go. She wants to be with someone. I’d rather it be you if you can keep your cock in your pants and not fuck her over than some dickweed we know nothin’ about.”
“I’m headin’ there now. I won’t say a word about it to her. Just see what she’s doin’ and try to convince her to come home with me. I’ve got somethin’ to show her anyway,” I say, realizing my window of opportunity with her is getting smaller and smaller.
I’ve done nothing but push her away for so long. In the beginning I was fighting my attraction to her by fucking anything with a pussy. Then, when I realized it was a lost cause, I was still using the mouths on the house bunnies because I needed the edge taken off. My hand wasn’t cutting it. Still, each and every fucking time it was Gwen’s face I saw in my mind and her name I called out when I came.
Hanging up on Fox, I rush out to my bike, barely stopping long enough to set my alarm and lock the door. Once I’m on my bike, I hurriedly start the engine before pulling out of my driveway. It takes me less than the ten minutes it usually does to get there. Parking my bike on the side of their driveway, I rush to the front door and pound my fist on it.
I can hear movement inside before Gwen is standing in front of me. She’s wearing a pair of pajamas with her hair up in a messy bun. Even with all the looks I’ve seen on her, including the pictures from Sam, this is my favorite. She’s at her most relaxed and my gaze travels over her body. I can see her nipples poking out against the material of her thin tank top. Her legs are covered in pajama pants covered in candy canes and polar bears.
“What do you want?” she demands of me, crossing her arms over her chest.
The only thing she accomplishes is pushing her tits up so I can see even more of the golden-brown flesh. If she pushes up any higher, I’ll be able to see her nipples. Nipples I’ve been dying to know what color they are.
“I’m here to see you,” I state, stepping close to her as she steps back, opening the door for me to head in behind her.
“I don’t want to see you. I’ll be going to your place tomorrow so I can grab my things. You went through all that trouble for nothing it seems. Though I appreciate you attempting to get me out of Fox and Kim’s house,” she states, not once looking at me.
“Yeah, that’s not gonna work for me. Gwen, when you leave here, the only place you’ll be comin’ is back home. That’s our home and its way past time we have that talk. I’ve given you time to get over bein’ pissed at me. Now, it’s time you listen to what I have to say to you. Then you’ll get a chance to respond,” I state, keeping my voice low and husky because I know it gets to her every single time I do. “Can we talk in private?”
Without a word, Gwen turns on her heel and leads me to the room she’s been staying in while here. It’s the same one I moved her out of not long ago. She sits on the edge of the bed, tucking her legs up underneath her. In the position she’s in, Gwen looks so small and unsure of herself. A look I don’t ever want to see on her again.
“Look,” I begin after shutting the door. “I’m not a good man. I’ve done things and seen things you’d hate to know. Not only for the club, but while I was in the military too. I spent over eight years of my life killin’ and doin’ missions based on what I was ordered to do. My every move was monitored by my commandin’ officers. When I retired, years ago, I came here to join the club. I crave the freedom and brotherhood it offers me. Something I only got in the military. Well, the brotherhood part anyway.
“When I first saw you, the day we stormed your father’s house, something in me changed. I knew you’d change my entire life forever and I was right. You make me want to be a better person so I’m worthy of you. Instead, all I’ve done is push you away and ensure you’ve seen me with the house bunnies. Let me tell you, it was simply an itch that needed to be scratched. Instead of tellin’ you how I felt, I chose to be with them. Picturin’ you while they were suckin’ my cock. Never once, after the first month or so did I fuck them.”
Pausing, I look at Gwen. Her eyes are filled with tears at the words I’m saying to her. I know I’m opening wounds she’d rather leave closed. Still, this needs to get out. I need to get this off my chest. Then the ball will be in her court and I’ll have to live with her decision.
“I want you to grow and experience things you’ve never gotten a chance to live before. However, I know how I am. When I make you my ol’ lady, there will be no other men or women for either one of us. You can still go out, experience what you want to. I’ll just be at your back when it happens. Gwen, I can be faithful to you and I’ll love you more than anyone else could even begin to imagine doin’. You’re my Sparrow and I want to do nothin’ except for set you free. Not free from me, but the chains and cage that hold you back from truly livin’ free and gettin’ out in the world,” I tell her, laying it all out on the table.
Gwen simply looks at me for the longest time. I’m so absorbed in her eyes, I’m not even sure if she’s still breathing. Other than her still sitting up in front of me. She’s so still and silent, there’s nothing else to suggest her breathing. Her eyes penetrate me, holding me hostage as she finally stands from her bed and makes her way over to me.
Since I’m so much taller than her, I have to look down in her face. I’m not sure what she’s about to do, but I remain perfectly still as I wait for her to make a move.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she finally asks, her voice trembling as I try to figure out what she means. “I’ve had the largest crush on you since arriving here. Even before then if I’m being honest. Now, you’ve moved me into your home, kissed me, and now you’re telling me all this. Why? Are you trying to hurt me more?”
“No. I’m not lyin’ to you. I want to be with you. Gwen, you’re the only one I want as my ol’ lady, I want to marry you, plant my babies in your belly, and grow old with you. You’ve wrapped yourself into my soul and there’s no way I can separate myself from you. I don’t want to,” I respond to her.
“Killer, this can’t happen. We know absolutely nothing about one another. I’ve been around the club for a long time now and this is the first I’m hearing about you feeling anything for me. Why now? Did you hear I’m doing online dating? Or are you tired of all the random pussy at the club and on the road. I’m not the same meek, shy girl you met when I got here. I won’t stay at your house, or wherever I’m living, while you go out and cheat on me or barely spend any time with me. This isn’t a game I’m willing to play. Not after everything I’ve been through in my life,” she states, never once removing her eyes from me.