Yes, I’ve been agonizing this since waking up three days ago. I’ve been in my head about it and haven’t been paying attention like I know I should be. Especially when I followed through on Killer’s want of me being in his room by the time he got back. All of my things are now moved into his room and the one I was staying in has been cleaned so Rich can sleep there. When we were moving things from one room to the other one, I got cut and scraped more than I should have. Rich isn’t happy about it because Killer threatened him about me getting hurt and whatnot.
Rich has let me have my space over the last few days. He makes sure I’m okay before leaving me alone for the rest of the day. I’ve been trying to focus on schoolwork and getting ahead in some of my classes just so I have something to do to keep my mind busy. I don’t want to think about Killer or dwell on what I said. Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t always shut off when I want it to. It’s always been that way. I overthink things and get completely lost in my own head. By the time he gets back, I’ll have thought about uttering the ‘l’ word over a million times. That’s one of my biggest downfalls.
Today, I’m venturing out of the house. We need food so Rich and I are heading to the grocery store. We’re also going to grab something from the diner because I don’t want to make anything for lunch. Killer didn’t leave money for me; he left a damn card linked to his bank account with my name on it. I’m supposed to use it for whatever I need while he’s gone. I don’t really want to use it, but I know he’ll complain if I don’t. I’ll just make sure I keep enough money for whatever I spend to pay him back. I’m not going to let him pay for everything while I stay in his house. That’s one of the reasons I need to find another job. Pronto.
“Ready to head out?” Rich asks as I walk from Killer’s room, looking for my purse.
“Yeah. Let’s get this done,” I respond, picking up my purse and grabbing my keys from the table just inside the door.
Rich and I walk out the door and I look around for anything out of the ordinary. It’s a habit of mine since living with my father. His henchmen would come out of nowhere to capture and torture me. Now, I always want to know what and who are in my surroundings. There are times I’m so lost in my head, I forget to pay attention, but for the most part I try to always keep my head about me. I don’t ever want someone to be able to sneak up on me again.
I head for my car while Rich straddles his bike. When I get it turned on, the radio is already blasting. Surrender by Natalie Taylor is playing so I don’t worry about hooking my phone up to the Bluetooth system. I’ll listen to this song and then decide from there. It’s not like my phone won’t already be connected.
Rolling the window on my side down, I let the fresh air fill the car and surround me. There’s a chill in the air, one I welcome. I keep my attention on the road instead of letting my mind wander. The last thing I need to do is hurt someone else because I’m not paying attention while behind the wheel. That’s something I’d never be able to forgive myself for.
It doesn’t take us long to make our way to the grocery store. The parking lot is packed today for some reason. I find a spot as close to the building as I can before getting out. Rich actually parks his bike directly behind my car. He’s never done that before.
“What are you doing?” I question him.
“Not goin’ inside with you. I’ll stay here and watch the car,” he informs me, getting comfortable on his bike.
Shrugging my shoulders, I leave him alone and make my way inside. Just before I walk through the second set of doors, I grab a cart that will be filled before too long. Killer and I have basically been picking up just what we need and not anything more than that. Today, I’ll try to get more than that so there’s food in the house when Killer gets home. I want to make him dinner for everything he’s done to help me. Even if I’m still mad at him for costing me my job at Naughty Peach. It may not have been the right job for me, but he never once gave me the chance to explore it.
As I walk up and down each aisle, I grab what I want in the house. The one thing I make sure to do is get what I know Killer really likes. Including the soda he drinks every once in a while, and the brand of coffee and creamer he likes. There’s also a ton of meat because that’s his go to for any meal. Including breakfast. If he could eat steak and eggs every morning, I’m sure he would. Not me.
I also make sure to grab some feminine products while I’m here since I can’t remember if I have many left or not. If I’d checked it before leaving the house, I’d know. Oh well.
Once the cart is loaded to the point I’m not sure if I’ll make it to the checkout line, I head to the front of the store. As I begin making my way there, I get the feeling someone is watching me. A tremor runs down my back as I frantically look around at everyone surrounding me. It feels as if there’s one person on top of another. Not a single person stands out to me though.
Walking forward, the feeling gets more intense. My eyes never once stop looking around the store. I know it’s not Rich or anyone from the club because they’d come up to me and let me know they’re here. After what I’ve been through, they wouldn’t intentionally try to scare the crap out of me. No, someone is following me, but I don’t know who it is. They’re good at hiding in plain sight. That only means it can be a handful of people. These are the men who worked for my father, my father, or Neil. Anyone else wouldn’t be as covert as those assholes are.
When I get to the closest line open, I get in line. Pretending to look around as if I want to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. Still no one stands out to me. Frustration is filling me to capacity as fear and anger rush through my body. I thought I was past feeling this way, that someone is out to get me. Or pain, torture, and taunts are going to come flying out of left field at me. That’s the only reason for the frustration filling me. I don’t want to feel these things anymore. I want to live my life and move forward from the past that’s held me back for so long.
The second I’m the only other person in line, I place the separator bar between the orders and begin to set my things on the belt. I’m in a rush to get out of here and back to the relative safety of my car. Hopefully, Rich will help me load up the groceries so we can get outta here faster. Then, once I’m home, I’ll be able to relax. At least that’s my hope. If not, maybe I’ll go to Kim and Fox’s house instead. Fox will be there and I’ll be able to hang out with my sister. I wouldn’t impose and stay there overnight, but for a few hours I’d be able to feel safe.
Unfortunately, I chose the wrong cashier today. She’s slower than molasses in the winter. I swear. She picks up each item, inspects it, and then scans it before placing it in the bag. I’m ready to tell her I’ll bag the damn things because it would take less time, and more than one item would be in each bag. I’d like to say she’s new and doesn’t know much better, that’s not the case though. This particular cashier has been here a while now. I’ve had her before and it’s never been like this. Usually she wants to get the customers out of her line as quickly as possible.
Whatever the reason may be today, I don’t want to wait around and find out what her problem is. I simply want to get my things rung out so I can get the hell out of here. Before I can say a word, the customer behind me speaks up.