Saryn seemed so nervous. “Yes. Um. You remember Nolan, from high school? Nolan Byers?”
When she looked at me, I swore she almost had a pleading look in her eyes.
I shook my head. “No. I don’t remember him, at least I don’t think I do. His name…well, it sounds familiar. High school and college and those few years after are still a blur for me. I started seeing a counselor in France a few years ago, and she thinks I’m mentally blocking that time out for some reason. She was the one who actually told me it was time to stop running from the past. It was time to piece together the missing years. I know she’s right, but something has been holding me back. Until now.”
“I’m glad you listened to her,” Saryn said as she reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.
I knew I could simply ask Saryn. Blurt out to her, ‘What happened to me that led me to wake up in a hospital with a small chunk of my life missing?’ I looked at her now, ready to say those very words. I opened my mouth, then shut it. That wouldn’t be fair to her; my parents needed to be the ones to finally tell me.
“Me too,” I said instead. “So, tell me about this Nolan who sits so highly on a pedestal that you agreed to name your son after him!”
She grinned. “Well, he’s one of Truitt’s best friends. He’s a test pilot in the Air Force.”
Saryn glanced my way, almost waiting for my response.
I rubbed my hands together. It was a nervous habit I noticed I had picked up a few years ago. “Is he married?”
With a quick glance at me, she said, “No. He’s not.”
“Does he not have family here still if he’s in the Air Force?” I asked, not sure why I was suddenly so interested in this Nolan Byers.
“No, he doesn’t. He has a family ranch here that was his father’s, but his parents passed away in a car accident a number of years ago. He has some people who run it for him now. His daddy used to grow wheat and corn on it, but Nolan has pretty much turned it into a cattle ranch. He doesn’t come back to Boerne. Hardly ever. Too many bad memories.”
I glanced out the window. “Well, we have that in common, I guess.”
A memory, or at least what I thought was a memory, flashed through my mind. I was sitting on the back of an old truck as a plane flew overhead. A small plane, like a crop duster. I laughed in the memory and turned to watch as I waved at it like a silly girl.
“A crop duster.”
“What did you say?” Saryn asked.
I laughed and shook my head as I let out a confused laugh. “I just had a flashback, I guess. A memory, maybe. I was sitting on the back of an old truck and a crop duster plane flew over. I waved at the pilot, so I’m guessing I knew him.”
“Do you have flashbacks a lot, Linnzi?” she asked, her voice sounding oddly hopeful.
I shook my head, puzzled that I would have a memory so quickly. Could being back in Texas simply trigger them? It hadn’t the other few times I’d come for a visit. “No. I honestly haven’t had any. I’ve had a lot of dreams, though,” I said with a hint of mischief in my voice.
She looked at me and our eyes met. “Why are you blushing?” she asked.
“Well, they haven’t exactly been PG-rated dreams. I’ve had them for years now. The same guy, over and over again. I have this strong sense he’s the key to the missing parts of my memory. And I know in order to remember, I needed to come back home.”
“Clearly just setting foot on Texas soil is doing it. You definitely had a flashback.”
I turned and looked at her again. “Do you think it was an actual memory?”
Saryn chewed on her lip as if she was trying to decide if she wanted to answer me or not. “I know it was.”
“You know it was?” I asked.
She nodded. “I think you were thinking of Nolan.”
Instead of a jolt, this time I felt a tingle. The same tingle I felt the day I saw my mystery man at the café. “Nolan?” I was confused. “Were we friends?”
“Um, yes. You were most certainly friends.”
I nodded. “There was this guy once, in Paris. I saw him from the window of the museum I was working at. Lord, he was handsome.” I laughed, feeling sort of embarrassed. “My slightly naughty dreams always featured a man whose face I couldn’t see. But I had the strong sense that those dreams were actually memories. The couple times I asked my parents if I had been dating anyone before the accident, they changed the subject. It was so maddening—them ignoring the fact that I wanted answers—that I finally stopped asking. I figured there was a reason they kept it from me. Anyway,” I said with a chuckle. “I saw this man at the coffee shop, and something inside me came to life. It was so strange, Saryn. I actually grabbed my purse and ran out of the museum to follow him when I saw him get up from the table. Penny, my co-worker, thought I’d lost my mind.”
“Did you catch up with him?” Saryn asked with a smile in her voice.
A familiar feeling of sadness washed over me. “No. I followed him for a few blocks. He stopped at a flower cart, but he didn’t buy any. Well, that’s not true. I saw him give the girl money and he wrote something down on a card. And the craziest thing was, later that day, someone sent me flowers. There wasn’t a name, just a note saying to enjoy the sun that day.”
I pressed my fingers to my mouth to hold back the silly grin I knew I had on my face. “I swear he was the one who sent them.” I drew in a deep breath and pushed away the giddiness that had come over me. “Anyway, from that night on, he was the man in my dreams. It was his face I had put in my dreams. And Lord, did he do wicked things to me. Well, in my dreams, that is.”
“Linnzi! My goodness!”
We both laughed.
“You haven’t dated? At all?” she asked.
I chewed on my lip and turned to look at Saryn. She was stopped at a light, so when she faced me, I knew I had to tell her. Finally share my secrets with someone I had a history with. My logic had been insane, according to Penny. My counselor didn’t think it was insane at all. She believed deep down inside my conscience that I was still in love with someone, but I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—remember who. I needed to know what Saryn thought.
“No. I don’t know how to explain this without sounding crazy. I think I’ve already given my heart to someone else. It just didn’t feel right to be with another man. Plus, I was married to my job, and I honestly wasn’t interested in dating anyone. The prospect of meeting someone and falling in love in France didn’t seem appealing to me either. I knew someday I’d be coming back to Texas, so that would only complicate an already complicated situation.”
Her eyes went wide. “So, you really haven’t dated anyone? In almost eight years?”
Saryn didn’t realize she had just given me a clue to my past. I must have been dating someone when I had the accident, or right before. “I know, it makes zero sense. A part of me has this idea that someone is out there, waiting for me to find him.”
Saryn reached over and took my hand in hers. Her eyes filled with excitement and hope. “I agree, a hundred percent.”
I smiled and squeezed her hand. “You’re so sweet to agree with me. My counselor thinks there was someone in my life from that missing timeframe. And the only way I can finally uncover that missing piece of my puzzle is to be where I was during that time. So, here I am, on a new journey to find answers. It’s been so many years of telling my folks I didn’t want to know, that now they actually avoid telling me anything when I do ask a simple question here or there. That’s why I knew it was time to come home.”