I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. “I can’t right now, Amy. I can’t.”
Eight. Years. I had cut back my trips to France to twice a year. Last year I had gone only once. The pain of seeing her was too much to handle. She had walked right past me one day a year ago and hadn’t even stopped. Her eyes had been steadfast in front of her, and I had prayed like hell she would swing her gaze slightly, if only to catch a quick look at me. She hadn’t. She continued to throw herself into her job, and the tension between me and Amy started to grow. She wanted to tell Linnzi. Hell, I wanted to tell her, but we still all agreed there had to be a better way. In a sense, Linnzi was hiding from her past. She even told her parents she was going to a therapist in France. If only she would go back to Texas. Maybe something there would trigger her memory. My only fear was that it would open the floodgates, and she would remember everything. I hated not having her in my life, but I feared her hating me forever the moment she remembered. Sometimes I thought it would probably be better for everyone if Linnzi had moved on with someone else. The thought of it killed me, and I knew if it ever happened it would destroy me, but there must be a reason she hadn’t remembered me in almost eight years.
Eight fucking years.
I deleted Amy’s text messages without so much as reading them. I’d listen to her voicemail later. For now, I wanted to think about anything but Linnzi.
Linnzi
AS I HEADED down to the kitchen, after a lengthy twelve-hour period spent sleeping the jetlag away, I heard my parents talking in whispered voices. I stopped and listened.
“Steve, it’s been eight years. We need to tell her!”
“Now? We’ve let it go for far too long. We can’t tell her now, Amy. We can’t tell her. It won’t make any sense to her. No, I agree with what the doctor said, she needs to remember on her own. And maybe this is her body’s way of saying she doesn’t want to remember. If she hasn’t remembered him by now, after eight years, she’s never going to.”
My mother sniffled. “She’s going to hate us.”
Daddy sighed. “I think no matter what happens, she’s going to hate all of us.”
I covered my mouth with my hand and slowly backed away. My heart hammered in my chest, and I tried desperately to figure out what in the world my parents were keeping from me.
“We’ve let it go for far too long. We can’t tell her now. She’s going to hate all of us. If she hasn’t remembered him by now…”
Who was us? Who else was in on this secret of theirs? Who was him?
I stood taller, drew in a deep breath, and exhaled. As I walked into the kitchen, I plastered a wide smile on my face. “I’m finally up!”
“My goodness. You slept nearly the entire day away!” my mother said as she watched me walk into the kitchen.
“How did you sleep, pumpkin?” Daddy asked as he kissed me on each cheek and then settled back against the counter.
“Good! That flight is awful. I feel so guilty for making y’all take it all those times.”
My mother waved her hand in a gesture that said it was nothing. “Pfftt, you’re our daughter. And we are so proud of what you accomplished in France.”
Daddy lifted his coffee mug at me and winked. “I agree.”
“Something to eat?” my mother asked.
“No, I’m actually heading out. I think I want to drive around Boerne today. Daddy, do you mind if I borrow your truck?”
He looked surprised. “Um, no, I don’t mind at all.”
With a worried expression on her face, my mother asked, “Where are you going to go?”
I gave her a half shrug as I peeled a banana. “I’m not sure. I’ve had a few flashbacks, memories, whatever you want to call them. I think what I need to do is go to the locations and see if anything jogs my memory more. Honestly, I’m a bit angry with myself for letting so many years go by and not facing the demons of my past.”
“Demons?” my mother said in a voice barely above a whisper.
“Well, maybe not demons, but there’s a reason why my mind is blocking that part of my life. Don’t you both agree?”
I waited for their responses. Their silence was answer enough. Finally, they both nodded.
“Since the two of you have remained steadfast in me finding those missing years on my own, I’m going to do just that,” I said.
Daddy pushed off the counter and said, “What type of memories?”
With a smile that hinted at a bit of stubbornness, I said, “Private ones.”
“Ahh, I see.”
My mother huffed. “I don’t see. Why can’t you tell us what these memories are?”
I ignored my mother. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but honestly I was pissed at them both right now.
“Daddy, your keys?”
His head bounced from me to my mother and then back to me. “They’re hanging up in the hall.”
“Thank you!” I kissed them both and reached for my purse. As I left the room, I purposely hung back a bit to see if they would say anything.
“I need to make a call,” was all my mother said.
I drove out to the air strip that I had been told was on the other side of town. As I drove toward the very end of it, a grin broke out on my face. It was the exact location of the memory I had when Saryn had mentioned Nolan. It bugged me that I couldn’t place Nolan. I knew that I knew him. Of course I knew him, I went to high school with him. There had been other people who had come up to me when I was in town on my last visit, and I had no idea who they were. I hadn’t thought twice about it. But why would I have been out here watching him fly a plane?
“This is the same spot,” I whispered as I pulled up, parked Daddy’s truck, and climbed out. I saw the private property signs, but chose not to take heed. I put the tailgate down and then jumped up and just sat there. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in that position before I leaned back and stared up at the sky.
I had missed Texas. Missed home. I hadn’t felt like myself ever since I woke up in that hospital, for obvious reasons, but being back home now, I realized I had stayed away entirely too long. Now that I was back, a strange peace settled over me. This place had a special meaning. I couldn’t describe how I knew that. I simply felt it in my very bones.
The sounds of a distant plane caused me to sit up. I turned around and saw it coming in. It looked to be a smaller jet plane. As it flew over me and landed, I couldn’t help but laugh with delight.
“That’s a Cessna 750 Citation X. It’s a fast little jet.”
I spun around and saw a man standing next to the truck. He looked to be my age.
“You scared the crap out of me!” I said.
He laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But I am going to have to ask you to leave, Miss.”
“Of course. I was only …”
What in the world had I been doing? It didn’t matter. The memory clearly wasn’t going to make a repeat performance.
I jumped down and shut the tailgate of my father’s truck. “Do you know who owns that plane?” I asked as I glanced down the long runway before turning back to the gentleman.