12
Maddox
They say lies always find a way to catch up to you. Lies never stay hidden for too long. Secrets are never truly buried.
Lies and secrets can protect…but they also can destroy…
My secrets obliterated us. My secrets burnt my love for Lila to the ground.
It wrecked us.
I was the only one to blame, and Lila was my victim.
I’d cut off my fucking arms and legs if I could just go back from this very moment and change the ending of this chapter.
But the black ink on the pages were permanent. I could rip off the pages, burn them to ashes, but then… that would change our story, missing pages… an incomplete… and ruined story.
The look of raw pain on Lila’s face decimated me.
I tried to reach for her. There was a fierce need inside of me to comfort her, to take her pain away, even though I was the reason for it. My mouth went dry, and a heavy lump settled inside my throat, when Lila stumbled back, out of my reach.
Away from me.
Like she couldn’t bear my touch.
As if I disgusted her.
The reaction sliced through me with the power of a sword. Too bad I wasn’t wearing any armor. The sharp blade connected with flesh, and I fucking bled.
Lila faced the other direction, without saying a word, and started walking away. I followed after her, a careful distance behind. “Lila, where are you going? It’s so late.”
She didn’t answer.
She kept walking, walking… walking away from me. Far and out of my reach.
I quickened my steps and followed. I finally noticed the direction she took and realized she was walking back home. Shit!
“Let me drive you home, please. It’s too late for us to be walking home, and we’re too far away.” She didn’t speak. Didn’t berate me. Didn’t acknowledge me.
In fact, I thought she was barely even breathing.
Lost in her own world, in her head… drifting away from reality. My fingers circled around her bicep, and I tugged her back toward me. Lila wrenched away with a hiss. “Don’t.”
One single word. Said with so much venom and torment.
My heart hammered, a vicious beat in my rib cage. My chest echoed with a familiar ache.
“Please,” I croaked, pleaded. I didn’t recognize my own voice or its tone. I sounded so goddamn weak. Weak for Lila Garcia. “Let me drive you home. I know I’m the last person you want to see or hear right now. I understand, but it’s complete madness to walk all the way back home, right now, at this hour,” I tried to reason with her. “I won’t touch you. I won’t even say a word. Fucking hell, you don’t even need to look at me or say anything to me. Just, let me drive you home.”
“It’s madness that you thought you could get away with this. It’s madness that you swept my life right out from under my feet and watched it crumble like you had the right to destroy me,” she whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the burn in the back of eyelids. My head pounded, a distant ache, as Lila resumed her walking. Her tulle, feathered dress was heavy, and she was practically dragging her feet behind her. She stumbled a few times. I reached for her, but she righted herself, before I could help. She continued walking. Stumbled again, then straightened her back and resumed the same insane pace.
It was maddening, watching her crumble before my very own eyes. Knowing full well who she fell victim to. Not Christian Carmichael and his family. But me.
Without even realizing it…
I became her enemy.
And she was my unwilling casualty.
My fingers curled in my hair, and I tugged, until my scalp burned. The pain kept me grounded. I had to stay grounded, for Lila.
It took us almost two hours to get home. By the time we reached our apartment, Lila could barely walk. She held onto the walls for support, as she waited for the elevator, in complete silence.
I peeked down at her face, behind the curtains of black hair. I didn’t know what I expected. Maybe tears? Anger? Pain? Brows pinched, lips thinned, a hard expression?
But I hadn’t expected this.
Her face was completely blank, devoid of any emotion. Lila was the image of an empty canvas. She showed no outward reaction or emotion to my presence or her reality.
I watched her get into the elevator, almost like she was on autopilot. Moving around without really knowing what she was doing.
So, this was what it felt like to die?
To crash and burn.
To wither away.
Because I felt it. Right in my bones, down to the marrow of me. I… died as the elevator closed and she was… gone.
I took the stairs two at a time and cursed my claustrophobia, my inability to stay in closed places. I couldn’t even take the goddamn elevator with Lila.
When I reached our apartment, I found it…empty.
My heart dropped to my feet, and I went cold. My stomach seized up, and bile rose in my throat. Frantically, I knocked on the next door. She had to be in there. She has to be.
Riley opened the door, her face pale, her brows creased with worry. “Oh, Maddox. You’re here! Something is wrong with Lila.”
I pushed past her, not even waiting for her to finish her sentence. Lila had to give me a chance to explain, even though I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I’d beg for it for the rest of my miserable life.
If only she’d give me a chance to explain. If only…
Lila was standing in the middle of the living room, looking so sad… so lost…
She picked at the feathers in her olive tulle dress.
I had never gotten a chance to tell her just how beautiful she looked tonight. Exquisite. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Stunning. Lovely. Angelic. Breathtaking. Ravishing. Elegant. Bewitching. Alluring. Heavenly. So. Fucking. Exquisite.
I wanted to tell her all of it, wrap my arms around her small frame and kiss her red lips. I never got a chance to kiss her before our world collapsed and shattered into fragmented pieces.
“How long have you known?” Her voice cut through the air and sucked all the oxygen out of my lungs. I knew the question was coming, but still hadn’t been ready for it.
“Lila.”
She raised her hand, cutting me off. “I asked a question, Maddox. I want an answer, not your excuses. How. Long. Have. You. Known?”
I couldn’t meet her eyes any longer, couldn’t look at her anymore. My head lowered, my eyes shuttered close, and I struggled to breathe, as my lungs squeezed.
Lila let out a warlike cry, and my head snapped up, just in time to catch her, as she flew at me. She gripped my collar and hissed in my face. “Answer me, goddamn it!” she screamed. “Stop standing there like a fool, like an emotionless statue. When did you find out about Christian? How long have you been lying to me? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO MY FACE?”
Her carefully layered walls came down, and I watched as she snapped, right in front of me. Her eyes blazed with fire and hurt.
My secrets had caught up with me, and I was drowning in the aftermath.
“Eight… months…” I croaked.
“Eight months,” she repeated carefully. “Eight months.”
My hand came up but stopped a hairsbreadth from her cheek. “I didn’t lie.”