His eyes darkened, and his face turned red with rage, as he bellowed back, “I never lied to you!”
I paused, my heart hammered in my rib cage, so hard, I thought it’d burst out of my chest. “You still think you’re right? You still think whatever you did… was the right decision?”
“I never lied to you.”
I shook my head, laughing, but there was no humor in it. My laugh sounded as dead as my heart felt. “You did. You broke me, Maddox. You broke me… more than Christian and his dad ever did. You had the power to do so, and you used it.”
“I never lied to you,” he said again, in that same lifeless tone. Like he was trying so hard to convince himself.
“What was it then, if not a lie?”
Maddox lunged forward and pushed me back. His chest slammed against mine, and he pinned me against the wall again. “I was protecting you. It wasn’t a lie. Yes, I kept secrets… but I didn’t lie, Lila. I didn’t. All I ever wanted to do was protect you. Keep you safe. Keep you happy,” he croaked. “I vowed, damn it. I VOWED IT. I loved you and that was not a lie,” Maddox snarled in my face, his eyes deranged, and oh God, I never wanted to see that wounded expression on his face, ever again.
He… loved… me.
I remembered thinking about the moment we’d confess our love to each other.
I thought it would be romantic… I dreamed it would be magical. Little did I know… Our love turned out to be a war zone.
His hands slammed against the wall on either side of my head, so close, I flinched. “But you’re a liar, Lila. You promised me you wouldn’t leave me, but you did. I needed you… and you weren’t there. I fucking needed you, and the only person I ever FUCKING LOVED WAS NOT THERE FOR ME! So, tell me, Lila. Who’s the liar?”
“You,” I whispered. I’m sorry, I cried.
His chest heaved.
My heart stuttered.
Maddox stepped back. My knees weakened.
“You kill me, Lila.”
I squeezed my eyes closed and choked back a sob. I killed him…
No, I had been trying to save him… to protect him… to make the right decision.
Maddox grabbed the bottle again and downed the rest of it, barely a grimace on his face. I killed him…
Maddox Coulter was a god amongst mortals. He was enraged, a bitter and wounded god. And I wondered if I made a mistake by falling in love with a man like him.
I watched, as he finished the bottle and started rummaging through the mini fridge, taking out another one. God, he was going to drink himself to oblivion. He was going to drink himself to a slow… death.
I swallowed back a cry and rubbed a hand over my face. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth, but I licked my dry lips and tried again. “I didn’t come here to fight, Maddox.”
“You came here to fuck,” he deadpanned, with no emotions whatsoever.
“No,” I breathed through the pain. “I found out… about your father. That he’s… sick.”
“Oh, you pity me?” Maddox threw my words back at me. “How sweet. Lila Garcia needed to make herself look like a little angel, coming to my rescue.”
I flinched but pressed forward. “I broke up with you, but I’m still your best friend. We used to have each other’s back, and I came here… because I thought I could offer you my friendship.”
He didn’t respond. Barely even acknowledged my words, except for a small twitch in his granite jaw. My hands trembled, so badly, that I had to press them against my thighs, trying to stop the shaking. “Have you… talked to your… father?”
Silence.
“You mom called me.”
Utter broken… silence.
“Please, I’m trying. I want to be here for you, right now. I might have broken up with you, walked away… But I’m not giving up on you or bailing on our friendship. If you need me, I’ll be here. I’m trying.”
Finally, he gave me a response.
Maddox’s face darkened. He stepped closer, crowding into my space and pushing me back against the wall.
“Maddox–” I started, but he cut me off with a low snarl, his chest vibrating with the cruel sound.
My chest cracked, wide-open, and the fissures of my broken heart scattered on the ground at our feet.
His eyes blazed with rage and... raw pain. “I’m self-destructing every time I look at you, every time my eyes seek you out when we’re in the same room. You make destruction and melancholy taste like sweet, sweet fucking poison.”
His hands came up, landing on either side of my head. His minty breath whispered across my lips, a tempting touch, but our lips didn’t meet. His mouth curled on the side, a sardonic smile.
“It hurts because you’re not mine. It hurts because we could have been good together, but you decided to give up on us.”
No. No. No.
His voice was rough and stiff, as he spoke, his words slicing through the air and through me like a sharp sword. He left me bleeding on the spot, and his eyes told me he didn't care. “So spare me the speech and get the fuck out.”
My heart lurched and bled, the organ so fragile, it couldn't bear the assault of his words. His dark gaze went to my throat, and we both stopped breathing for a mere second.
There was an unreadable expression on his face. A flash of pain echoed in his eyes, before it was gone. I whimpered, as he curled a finger around my necklace.
Our dreamcatcher.
Snap.
My eyes widened, and I choked back a gasp. A single tear slid down my cheek, as he snapped the necklace away from my neck, holding it up between us.
“I’ll be taking this back,” Maddox said, his voice raw and sharp, laced with enough heartbreak that my knees weakened, and I slid to the ground.
He... took... my necklace. Snatched it right from my neck...and...
My lungs seized, and a wounded sob tore through my throat.
Holding our dreamcatcher in the palm of his hand, he walked away.
17
Maddox
Hate is a strong word. But I hated my father. I loathed my mother.
And Lila? I hated her as much as I loved her.
It ate at me, that all-consuming feeling. Like little bugs eating at my flesh, cutting me open, as my blood poured out. No fucking mercy.
I wondered if I’d ever stop feeling numb. The alcohol helped, most of the time. But when I was sober again, I just felt shittier. So I’d drink again. And again. Until I was drunk, day and night. Numb to everything, everyone, every fucked-up emotion brewing inside of me.
Except, the taste of betrayal lingered. Heavy and bitter.
Lila fucked with my head, and I let her in, gave her the power to do this to me. Turned me into the 17-year-old Maddox, who was bitter and enraged. She promised she’d be there when I needed her. But she wasn’t. And that – that betrayal cut me worse than my father’s disappointment or my mother’s lack of care.
A pounding headache woke me up, and I glanced around the bare room. The clock said it was past one in the afternoon. Shit, I slept the whole morning away. My head hurt; my body ached. I needed a drink, again. To forget. To go back to being numb.
There was a commotion outside, before the bedroom door slammed open. I groaned, pulling a pillow over my head. “Get the fuck out, Colton.”