His head snapped up; fear was an apparent mask on his face. I had my answer, without him even having to say the words. My heart crash landed at my feet.
Maddox tried to reach for me, but I pushed away. “You lied to me about her. The moment you found out she was pregnant with your baby, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know how,” he breathed. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
“It was simple. You just had to tell me the truth, that’s all I’ve ever asked from you.”
His legs gave out, and he sat on the bed, his head in his hands, a choked sound coming from him.
“You’re the best unplanned thing that has ever happened to me, Maddox. And I can’t lose you. But you’re doing everything to push… me away from you,” I whispered, my voice breaking at the end. “You’ve been telling lies, keeping secrets. Since when have you started lying to me, Maddox?”
I already had the answer to that question. Months… and months of secrets.
After everything we had been through… he tainted everything that we were with his lies.
“You said you didn’t want to lose me. But you already have,” I whispered, my voice faltering, as I spoke the hardest words in my life.
His head snapped up, and his eyes flared with torment. He was decadently handsome, a little bit broken and a mistake from the beginning.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out.
“Is that all you have to say?”
There was tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
If it hurts you so much, what kind of love is this?
I knew Maddox would break my heart, but a part of me hoped he wouldn’t.
My heart wept, and a lone tear slid down my cheek. “They said you were trouble. I didn't listen. I took a chance on you. And now I regret it.”
“Don’t leave me.” His hoarse voice cracked. “Please.”
I took a step back. Maddox looked wounded, and my soul bled to see him hurt.
I had to leave. For me. For him.
“Lila,” he breathed my name. “Please.”
I slowly shook my head. “Maddox.” It pained me to say his name. “You broke your promises.”
My feet took me another step back.
“No,” he pleaded. “Lila, no.”
I turned and walked away, leaving my broken heart at his feet.
Pausing at the door, I gave him a final glance over my shoulder. “You’re going to be a father, Maddox,” I whispered, my voice thick with unshed tears. “Congratulations.”
He shook his head in denial. “You already broke us, but for once in your life… do the right thing, Maddox. Bianca needs you. And that baby deserves a father.”
Like I needed him.
But she needed him… more.
Maddox
I fucked up.
I knew I’d eventually mess up. I knew I’d end up destroying the one good thing in my entire life. Lila.
Because that was the only thing I was capable of.
Destroying lives.
Ruining her.
Wrecking us.
I tried to protect her, since the day I made that stupid goddamn pinky swear. I made sure she was always happy, always taken care of, by eliminating anything that would cause her pain...but I forgot to protect her from myself.
My lungs seized in my chest, and my throat closed. A choked sound came from my throat, as I held my head in my hands, feeling the burn in the back of my eyes.
“You’re the best unplanned thing that has ever happened to me, Maddox. Ever. And I can’t lose you. But you’re doing everything to push… me away from you,” she whispered, her sweet voice breaking at the end. “You’ve been telling lies, keeping secrets from me. Since when have you started lying to me, Maddox?”
My head snapped up at her words, but I didn’t have an answer. I fucking wished I did.
Lies, no matter how big or small, were the quickest way to ruin something beautiful – us.
Lies and secrets…
Everything I’d ever done, every decision I ever made, was to protect Lila.
But no band-aids would ever be enough to stop the open, festering wounds I’d left behind.
“I’m sorry,” I choked.
The torment on her face decimated me. “Is that all you have to say?”
My vision blurred – fuck – I had to remind myself not to lose my shit. My emotions were in turmoil, and I fought to keep myself sane. “I’m sorry.”
A lone tear slid down her cheek. “They said you were trouble. I didn't listen. I took a chance on you. And now I regret it.”
“Don’t leave me.” My hoarse voice cracked. “Please.”
Lila took a step back. My wounded heart lurched, and bile crawled up the back of my throat, bitter and acidic, at the thought of losing her.
“Lila,” I breathed her name. “Please.”
She slowly shook her head, another silent tear, leaving a wet trail on her cheek. “Maddox.” She looked pained, and her lips wobbled. “You broke your promises.”
And now she was breaking hers.
Her feet took her another step back.
“No,” I pleaded. “Lila, no.”
My voice caught in my throat, as she turned and walked away, taking my bleeding heart in the palm of her hand and leaving me… lifeless.
I sank to my knees, unable to stop myself, choking on the heavy taste of bitterness on my tongue. This couldn’t be the end… it couldn’t.
The door closed, even as I called out her name. Pathetically. Because for her… I was a fucking weak man.
For her.
For only her. My Lila.
Love makes you weak.
Love destroys lives.
Love ruined us.
She left. The one thing she promised not to do… She vowed to never leave me, to never leave my side… but there she was. Walking away.
My Lila left, as the pain piercing through my chest became more than unbearable.
All my truths, all my lies collided together – my future with Lila was now cracked open, shattered and bleeding, as I knelt in the wreckage of it all.
Once again…alone.
Once again… lost.
She lied, too.
She broke her promises, too.
You won’t lose me, ever.
Pinky promise?
Pinky promise.
All the promises we made to each other, in the end… none of it mattered.
In the end, we lost our way, and our happy ending faded away.
15
Lila
Not all right decisions feel like they are right. Sometimes, they gut you from within and tear you apart. Right decisions should be easy to make, but they rarely are.
I had a choice, and I wanted to believe I made the right one.
The good choice, the right decision.
Walking away from Maddox was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, but I had to…
Not for me. But for him.
Maddox was my boyfriend, but first and foremost… he was my best friend. I knew him better than he knew himself. I could see inside him, so clearly, and Maddox, my God, he was so lost in that moment, and I needed him to see things clearly.
I waited for the wave of regret that had been crashing through me, since I walked away from him. It came and went, similar to the wave of pain. Always there, always constant. But still, I told myself I made the right decision.