After coming to terms with my own anger and my sense of feeling betrayed, I finally decided to meet up with Maddox. It was time for us to talk.
I wasn’t ready to put all of this behind us. The trust between us was fragile, a thin thread that could easily snap.
But I was willing to try.
Because I wanted Maddox. Needed him. Because our pasts should no longer have any control over our present… or our future.
I wanted to give us another chance. Forgiveness was the first step. I was willing to forgive him for keeping that secret. My mom never taught me to give up so easily, and Maddox was worth it.
He was worth the pain.
He was worth my love.
I walked out of class with a renewed determination. My gaze flickered to my, now, fixed phone, but there was no new messages or incoming calls. I texted Maddox an hour ago and had asked him to meet me at his place.
His class ended before mine. But there was no response from him, except radio silence.
It’s okay, I told myself. I can wait.
I walked down the path that led me off campus and toward the school residence. I counted the steps in my head, feeling my hands tremble in nervousness.
I told Maddox I would never give up on him, and I was willing to keep that vow. For him. For us.
Tugging my jacket closer to my body, I shielded myself from the cold. My gaze found the couples around me. Some were walking hand in hand. I caught one couple kissing. There was another one hugging by the bus stop, laughing… happy…
It was a cruel reminder of what I threw away… what I had lost. My pace quickened, as I tried to get away from all the loving couples.
I almost reached my apartment building… when something else caught my attention. A flash of familiar dirty blond hair. My feet slowed, and then came to a halt. I turned toward the coffee shop to my left.
Numbness took over, and my body froze on the spot.
When life hits you in the face, it hits you hard enough to give you goddamn whiplash.
My breath caught in my throat. Maddox occupied a table near the window. He wasn’t… alone. Bianca sat across from him. I blinked, as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. My eyes lowered to her midriff. The sight of it was glaring back at me.
No, God. Please no. Please don’t be so cruel to me. No, please. No. No. NO.
The last time I had seen Bianca, she was wearing a baggy sweater. Today, she had a simple black camisole on. It molded around her curves and… her very round, very pregnant belly.
I started shaking, my whole body growing cold… and colder.
I felt the sting of tears in my nose, as I blinked, wishing this was all an illusion. But no matter how many times I blinked, the reality glared back at me.
His truth.
His secrets.
His lies.
Maddox and Bianca looked to be arguing. Her expression was heartbroken, as Maddox shook his head. She cupped her pregnant belly, and she was full on crying now. Bianca tried to reach for him, but he pulled away, like the mere idea of her touch would burn him.
I watched, as he pulled something from the pocket of his jacket. The world slowed down, and the colors faded away. I watched the scene in front of me, like a black and white movie with no sound.
I was still in the same spot when Maddox got up to leave.
He turned… his eyes locked with mine… Bianca gasped…
Maddox paled, and he rushed forward.
I took a step back…
And I ran. For the third time in a week, I ran from Maddox.
I pressed a hand over my face, as Maddox walked through the door, barging inside of his bedroom. I didn’t even realize I had found my way in here.
I missed this room. Missed sleeping in this bed, wrapped in his embrace. Missed his scent that lingered on our pillows and the mattress.
Maddox was out of breath, as he rushed toward me. I looked up into his wide, terrified eyes. “Lila, let me explain,” he said. This had become his signature phrase. Why did he keep messing up so much that I had to give him a chance to explain. Every. Single. Time?
I swallowed back the cry that threatened to spill from my throat. “The last few weeks, I had been so worried,” I confessed, my voice thick with emotion. “So scared. You were drifting away from me. Something was wrong, I could tell. I gave you a chance to tell me, but you didn’t. I asked you, but you evaded my questions. The distance between us grew, as I watched helplessly. It was only a matter of days, before everything fell apart.”
I got off the bed, away from the musky, masculine scent that kept assaulting my senses. I now realized the reason Maddox had been acting so different, why he had been so aloof.
“Is it yours?” I still asked, even though I already knew the answer. “Is this why she was texting you?”
Maddox gave me a single nod.
“How far along is she?”
Bianca didn’t look to be in her third trimester. Her pregnant belly was round and firm but petite. “Almost six months.”
Six… months.
My hand came up, and I rubbed my forehead, trying to chase away the pounding headache. My chin wobbled, and my lips trembled. I felt the sting of fresh tears in the back of my eyes. If I did my math correctly…
She and Maddox slept together about five weeks before Paris.
He said he had been celibate for… months. Five weeks was definitely not months. It was barely even one.
“You said you didn’t sleep with anyone for a long time. I didn’t know five weeks is considered a long time,” I said, almost mocking him. “It must have been torture for you to be celibate for five weeks.”
Maddox shook his head. “I don’t remember much of that night. I didn’t even know I slept with her, Lila. I hadn’t been with anyone for months, but that night… It was the party… the spring reunion party for the football team.”
The one I didn’t attend with Maddox because I had been sick and on my period.
He rubbed a hand over his face, tiredly, looking more haggard than ever. “God, I was drunk. So fucking drunk, the whole night is a blur.”
I swallowed and tried to push the ball of emotion down my throat. “How are you sure you slept with her?”
Guilt flashed in his blue eyes, and he grimaced. “I didn’t think about it before, because I didn’t remember much of that night. But when Bianca approached me and told me about it… I saw a flash of us together. I remembered going into the room with her,” Maddox croaked, the rest of his words barely audible. “When I told you I hadn’t slept with anyone in months, I wasn’t lying. I didn’t lie because, honest to God, I didn’t remember that night.”
I didn’t know what to believe in anymore.
An hour ago, I had been ready to forgive Maddox about Christian.
I had been willing to look past the fact that he kept such a secret from me. Had been willing to move on… and forgive… to accept… to love again.
And now?
We were back to square one.
“I don’t understand.” I shook my head, bringing my trembling fingers to my temple, rubbing the throbbing ache. “Why didn’t she tell you before? Why wait so long?”
His throat bobbed, as he swallowed. “She didn’t know… if she wanted to keep the baby.”
“And you? What are you going to do?” I asked quietly.