“Reminds me of someone,” I mutter.
“Don’t you dare. I’m here because I care. I won’t let you wallow for a moment longer.” He grabs a bunch of pizza boxes and opens my trashcan. Then he turns and gags. When he turns back, his eyes are watering.
“I guess I might have forgotten to take out the trash,” I mutter.
“You’re doing it now.” He closes the can with a flourish. “Then you’re showering.”
I mutter something about him being a controlling asshole.
“What was that, you ungrateful ass-hat?” he yells at me.
“I’m going through shit, and you’re here shouting. How’s that helping me?” I shout back.
“Are you looking for sympathy? A shoulder to cry on, perhaps?”
I shake my head.
“I didn’t think so.” He digs through a couple of cupboards in the kitchen until he finds the garbage bags. “You’ve had enough time to feel sorry for yourself. You need to pick yourself up and carry on.”
“I want to watch my movie, and—” I’m not feeling it.
“Manny says you haven’t been to the gym.” He folds his arms.
I shrug.
“No one has seen you,” he tries some more.
“I haven’t felt much like socializing.”
“Listen up and listen good…” Trident is so serious it would be comical if it not for the way I’m feeling inside. “I have a feeling Nia is coming back,” he tells me.
Like a pussy my heart beats a little faster for a moment or two. “Don’t say it.” I stand, pointing a finger at Tri. “Don’t you dare fucking say that.”
“I mean it. You guys had feelings for each other. She had feelings for you, bro.”
I shake my head. “It was one-sided. She was hurt too badly. Her trust broken. That kind of thing takes time to come back from. It could be months…might be never.” I feel my chest tighten. I can’t believe how shitty I feel. How much I miss her.
“I think you’re wrong. Either way, you need to get on with your life. If she comes back to you…to this…” Tri shakes his head. “She’ll turn around and run. If I wasn’t such a good friend, I’d run too.”
“I told you, she’s not coming back.” Unless she’s pregnant. It’s my last hope. A long shot, but a possibility.
“Sort yourself out for you, then. For us, your friends. We’re all worried about you. Clean this house…clean yourself… Fuck!” He makes a face. “Then get back into the gym. You’re looking soft around the middle.”
I look down, lifting my stained shirt. My abs are rock hard. Nothing has changed in that department. I have my genes to thank for that. “You might be right,” I say. “You’ll help clean the house?” Now that I’m really looking, I’m shocked at how bad it is. I can smell the trash. I’ve been in a bit of a daze.
Tri rolls his eyes. “The things I do for my friends.” He grins at me. “I’ll help, but then we’re going out.”
I don’t like the prospect much, but Tri is right. I need to get out of this funk. I nod. “Deal.”
26
Nia
One week later…
I look in the mirror. I look the same. I turn to the side and look at my profile. I feel the same as always. My stomach is flat. My breasts are no different. I cup them. There’s no tenderness. They’re not swollen. I don’t have cramps. I normally get cramps just before my menstruation. I should have cramps by now. I think I should have had my menstruation by now.
I undo my jeans and pull them down, sitting on the toilet. My underwear is clean. No blood. I sigh.
It doesn’t mean anything, I tell myself. I get my menstruation every month. I get the signs, and then it comes. The Underworld was a different story. You don’t get your cycle down there. Before then…regular as clockwork. I never timed it, though. I think I might be late. I’m not sure. Or maybe it takes a while for a woman’s cycle to return to normal once she leaves the Underworld. There is that.
I yank up my pants and do up my jeans. I sigh as I walk out of the bathroom.
My mam is in her gown. “Morning, sunshine,” she says. “What’s got you looking so worried?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head.
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me.” She lifts her brows and folds her arms across her ample chest.
I told my mam everything that happened as soon as I got back. All about Gaire…all about how he lied. How manipulative he was. I told her about my time in the Underworld. I also told her about Rage. I left out certain details, but she knows the bigger picture. I’ve cried a lot since coming home. I stayed in my old room for days. She knows we didn’t use protection. She knows that I might be pregnant. She knows that Rage is in love with me and how afraid that made me. How suffocated I felt. My mam knows a lot of things.
She smiles, taking me out of my musings. “You’re from a fertile line,” she says.
“How did you know that it was playing on my mind?” I gush.
“A mam is supposed to know. Not just that; I’m a woman too, you know.” She winks.
“I know, Mam.”
“Let’s go have some tea, and you can tell me all about it.”
I nod. Within five minutes, I have a steaming mug in my hands, and we’re sitting in front of the crackling fire. I feel better already.
“You’re wondering for the hundredth time whether you’re with litter.” She lifts her brows.
I nod. It’s not the hundredth time. It’s more like the thousandth time, and it’s driving me crazy. “I’m being silly,” I say. “I know my cycle is messed up. I was still hoping I’d get my menstruation so that I can relax. The more time that goes by, the more worried I become.” I clutch my mug tighter.
“You’re not being silly. You’re perfectly normal,” she assures me. “Any woman would feel this way. I remember your Tad and I trying. It took about six or seven months. Every month was like what you’re feeling now. Waiting…wondering…hoping.”
I sip my tea.
“I guess it’s different for you since you’re not with Rage. Such a strange name.”
“Mam,” I raise my voice, “you were the one who taught me that things are not always as they seem. His name suits him, and yet…there’s a tenderness in him…a vulnerability, even. He is so much more than his name. Don’t judge him, please.”
She smiles, looking at me from over her mug. “I feel like I almost know him,” she says. “You’ve spoken about him so often.”
“That’s not true. I…” Then again, maybe I have spoken about him regularly. “I guess I can’t help it. He’s on my mind. We went through so much.” I sigh. “I’m driving myself nuts about possibly being pregnant even though I know I’m not.”
My mam gets up. She goes over to the vegetable drawer. It’s where she keeps the potatoes, the squash, and the onions. She rummages through the drawer and pulls out a rectangular box.