“That isn’t what I think it is, is it?” I ask her, frowning.
“I went and bought this at the pharmacy last week. Put it with the root vegetables because I knew your Tad and your brothers would never find it there. I figured you might have a morning such as this. It’s hard sometimes, not knowing.”
I nod. My heart is racing. “I’m being stupid. I know I’m not. I can’t be. It wouldn’t be that easy.” I keep saying the same things. All of these thoughts are turning around and around inside my head. I can’t seem to stop.
“It mostly isn’t, but sometimes, my child, sometimes it is that easy.” I’m not convinced she’s talking about a potential pregnancy anymore, but I don’t say anything.
She hands me the box.
I take it and just look at it.
“What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know if I want to know.” I’m not sure why that is exactly. I’m feeling confused. That, and a touch overwhelmed.
“Is it maybe because you might want to see two lines?”
I nod. “That would be crazy, though. It’s not what I want.” I shake my head.
“Sometimes, the things that we’re most afraid of are the things that we actually want the most.”
“That doesn’t make any kind of sense, Mam.” I’m still frowning. I’m trying to unravel the words and their meaning. I see truth in them. I see my truth, but it can’t be.
“Go now, child. Unless you want me to go with ye?”
I smile. “I think I’ll manage on my own. It says on the box that it takes two minutes. I’ll call you, and we can look together.” I don’t want to be alone when I find out. I know that I will be sad either way. It seems I’ve lost my mind.
27
Rage
Two days later…
I hit the bag with everything I have. Sweat is dripping, and my muscles are protesting.
“What did the poor bag do to you?” Manny asks. He laughs at his own joke. “It’s good to see you here. You’ve been back a week, and I think you might be ready for another fight.”
I pull in a deep breath and turn. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
“What’s going on?” He gives me his full attention. My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it.
“I’m quitting the fight scene,” I say.
“Quitting?” Manny’s eyes go wide. “You’re too good to quit. You can go all the way to the top, Rage. I’m talking—” He stops when he sees me shaking my head.
“I’m going to study. I’ve enrolled in college for the next semester. I’m hoping to be accepted.”
“Oh…college…wow…” Manny wipes his face.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I smile at him for a moment. “I was good at school. At least I was until my life went pear-shaped. I’m not as dumb as I might look. I’m more than just my muscles and my fists.” More than just my powers and who my father is.
“Son, you don’t look dumb. Not in the least. I would never be so short-sighted in my thinking.”
I nod. I believe Manny. I’ve seen him support disadvantaged kids. Young men who face prejudice daily because of where they come from or how they look. I’ve seen him give them his all. I’ve seen him believe in them wholeheartedly.
“What are you going to study?” Manny asks. He looks enthusiastic.
“I want to be a lawyer,” I say.
“A lawyer? Now that’s something.”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I ran into a good friend of mine the other day. He used to be my best friend. He reminded me of that particular ambition. Funny, I had forgotten all about it.” I spent so much time trying to forget what happened. Trying to punish myself for what I did, that I couldn’t see beyond that day.
“I hope you get in. That’s amazing. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I know you’re up for it. I don’t know anyone who pushes themselves more than you do.”
“Thanks, Manny.” My phone rings. “Excuse me.” I take it out of my pocket. I see I have five messages, all from Death. It’s Death calling now, too. “Yeah,” I say, as I answer the phone, “is someone dying?”
“No…fuck! Where are you? Why don’t you answer your messages?”
“I’m at the gym, working out. I’m nearly done.”
“No…you’re done! Get your ass home now.” Death never speaks to me like this. He sounds frantic.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes…no…mostly. On second thoughts, get your ass into the shower and then get back here.”
“I’ll shower at home. I always shower at home. What the fuck is going on?” I practically yell because I have Nia at the forefront of my mind. I don’t want to be thinking about her because I’ll just be disappointed yet again.
“Shower and come home.” The line goes dead.
I yell an expletive and earn a couple of looks from a group of youngsters. I heave out a sigh and then go to the locker room. I refuse to get my hopes up. I refuse! It’s going to be something fucked up. Maybe Death and Trident are at my place, and they want to go out somewhere. Tri’s just opened a new restaurant-come-cocktail bar. It is a Friday afternoon.
That’s it!
They want me to go partying with them. Although Death isn’t the partying type. He’s in a bad place since finding out about the demon. Then again, he was in a bad place before. He’s worse now. I can’t blame him.
I wash fast. I have a clean shirt in my bag, which I tug on. I drive slightly over the speed limit. I’m nervous. I need to calm the fuck down. It isn’t her. It isn’t!
I’m going to be so disappointed when I walk through my front door. I’ll shout at the guys. I’ll be grumpy for the rest of the night. I don’t want to be like that. I take in a deep breath as I pull up to my house. I don’t see Tri’s car. It doesn’t mean anything. Death might want to teleport me to his house. I’m not going to be a cranky fuck. I will go out with them. I will try to be grateful. I will try not to be disappointed.
“What have you guys cooked up?” I say as I walk through the door.
I drop my gym bag on the floor when I see Nia jump to her feet. She’s barefoot, wearing jeans and a…a vest, I think. I see a coat and a sweater hanging over the back of the sofa. “Nia,” I push out, sounding surprised to my core. I had done a good job of talking myself out of believing she would be here.
“Hi,” she half-whispers. “Please don’t kick me out. I hope you’ll hear what I have to say.” Her face is pale, and her eyes are huge and so fucking beautiful it hurts me to look into them.
Then it hits me. The way she looks. Nervous as anything…afraid. “Are you pregnant?” I blurt. I have the strangest emotions coursing through me. I want Nia to be pregnant, but I also don’t want that to be the reason why she’s here.
“No,” she whispers. A tear tracks down her cheek.
“No?” I repeat, lifting my brows. I close the distance between us. I tilt up her chin and use my thumb to wipe away the tear. Why is she so sad? I thought she didn’t want this.