“I don’t believe that. Not for a moment.”
His grip tightened. “Why would you say that?”
“Have you listened to yourself? What you do for people? What you’ve done for me?” I waved my hand. “You’ve let me into your home. You’ve trusted me—someone associated with a person you hate. You care about your clients. Your friends. About children. Look at the way you care about Rene. How can you call yourself selfish? Uncaring?”
He pulled his hand away and stood. “I care to a point and nothing more. Rene is a trusted friend who has proven his loyalty—he is an exception.”
“What am I?” I challenged him.
He lifted a shoulder. “Another small exception, I suppose. A client who needs more effort than others.”
“And once I reach my saturation point, you’ll stop caring?”
He sighed, dropping his head to his chest. “I do the best I can do, Fee. I’m not capable of love. It’s that simple.”
“You are so wrong.”
He snapped his head up. “I don’t believe in love, Fee. That is a fact. It’s an illusion, easily shattered, often abandoned, and rarely real.”
“But you admit it can be real? You said you had friends who are married. You must see that love can exist?”
“I suppose there are exceptions. Would you say you believe in love? After what Scott has done—” he lifted his fingers into quotation marks “—in the name of it?”
“I’m smart enough to know what Scott has done has nothing to do with love. I’m hopeful enough to think I might find real love one day. To become that person to someone—the one you would move heaven and earth for, do anything to be with.”
He smiled, the movement forced. His eyes said so much more than he could ever express.
“Then I hope you find him, Fee. I really do.” He passed a hand over his face with a sigh. “I have to go. I’ll see you later. Make yourself comfortable.”
He turned and left, leaving me sad and confused.
How could he not see the person I did? His self-loathing shocked me. His refusal to see anything but the negative in himself was unsettling. His kindness to people. The care he showed those he loved. Because I believed he did love. He simply refused to see it—or was too frightened to admit to the feelings. Something in his past made him unable to see the good inside him. His horrendous childhood had left him unable to recognize it.
I heard the door close and I stood, clearing away the containers.
Halton Smithers had a lot of love to give. Of that, I had no doubt.
How could I get him to see it?
And why was it so important to me?
Halton
I glanced through the photos on my phone. “This is great, Aiden. I’ll take it. Bill it to the firm, all right?” I planned on adding it all on to Scott’s invoice. He kicked her out, so he should be paying for her rented accommodation. I had already explained it to Fee, and she was fine with it as long as I recovered my expenditures. When she had inquired if this was how I would handle it for all my clients, I had to hide my amusement and not tell her she was the only client I had ever gone to this much effort for. I kept that information to myself. I simply assured her it was.
Aiden’s voice was filled with concern. “Bent told me who this was for. Are you sure about this, Hal? I mean, the wife of your enemy?”
I was getting bored of the subject. I fucking knew what I was doing. I was a grown-ass man, for God’s sake. I rubbed my eyes, suddenly exhausted. It was as if the sleepless nights, Rene’s accident, and Fiona’s appearance in my life had hit me all at once, and I felt weary. My voice was sharper than usual.
“She’s a client, Aiden. Nothing more. I know Scott and his vile temper. He tried to get at her last night, and if he is angry enough, he might try again. It may seem over the top, but the security in the buildings will give her peace of mind. Which gives me peace of mind so I can do my job. Get her a divorce and what she deserves out of that bastard. Nothing more,” I repeated.
“Okay. It seems out of the ordinary for you.”
I held back my retort and counted to ten. “Send the keys to the office and whatever you need signed, Aiden.”
“You’ll have them Wednesday afternoon. The place will be clean and ready.”
“Thanks. I mean it. I appreciate it.”
I hung up before he could ask me anything else. Like where Fee was staying until Wednesday. Rene almost had a fit when I told him. Luckily, I’d had to hang up when I arrived at the community center to donate my time to Dads Seeking Justice.
But I had been distracted all afternoon, having to ask people to repeat themselves, and forgetting to keep my usual meticulous notes.
“Hal!”
I stopped by my car and turned to see Carl, one of the organizers, hurrying toward me. I pushed my door closed and waited for him.
“What’s up?” I asked when he got closer.
“I wanted to check on you. You, ah, weren’t yourself.”
I had hoped nobody noticed. “Sorry. Heavy caseload right now, and I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was a little distracted.”
He laughed, running a hand over the back of his neck. “That’s one word for it. You were glowering at the floor so hard, I thought you’d burn a hole in it. Anything else on your mind?”
“No. Just dealing with another asshole trying to push someone around.”
He grimaced. “I hear you. I’m glad they have you on their side, then. Listen, maybe you don’t have time, but it’s Jay’s birthday tomorrow and since you were such a huge part of us getting custody of him, we’d love it if you stopped by for a slice of cake. If you have time,” he repeated. “Chase made this huge chocolate cake that looks wonderful. It’s casual. Party at one, cake about three.”
I had fought to get Chase and Carl custody of Carl’s son when he and his wife split up. She didn’t want Jay, but she didn’t want Carl to have him either. Her homophobic tendencies came out loud and clear during the case, as did her possessive, crazy side, and it ended up costing her custody. Jay was happy and settled with his two dads and I always tried to keep up with my clients and their lives.
“Sure,” I agreed. I liked cake, and I’d always liked Jay. He was a cute kid. It would give me something different to do.
Except Fee was at my condo and I didn’t want to leave her alone again. I had a feeling Fee liked cake too, and I spoke before overthinking the situation.
“Could I bring a friend? She’s having a hard time and could probably use the distraction.”
“The more, the merrier.”
“Great. See you tomorrow.”
I climbed in my car, shaking my head. Why had I asked about bringing Fee?
What was this woman doing to me?
I stared at the steering wheel, reluctant to admit I didn’t really want to go home. I didn’t know what would happen when I arrived. I had no idea what possessed me to say anything to Fee. To talk about my past or attitude in regard to love, marriage, or children. It was as if the words just spilled out. Her refusal to accept that I was the person I knew myself to be proved to me that she was so damaged by Scott’s treatment of her that Rene was correct. She saw me as her white knight, saving her.