I stopped in front of Fee, shocked to see her eyes glazed with tears. Why was she crying?
“She used the love of a child for her own selfish needs, Fee. She drained my father, then did the same for me. She warped what love should be until her way was all I knew. I broke free of her hold when I was sixteen, but it was too late. I was already twisted and jaded. From the moment I left her shadow, I was out for one person—myself.”
“But you fight for children,” she insisted. “For others.”
I frowned. “I’m not a nice person, Fee. Fighting for others is my little bit of redemption,” I confessed. “I can’t love. I can’t commit. I’m not a productive member of society, other than my law practice.”
“You feel that is your only redemption. Fighting for others?”
“Yes.”
She wiped away the tears on her cheeks with an angry swipe. “You’re wrong. You don’t see yourself clearly. You only allow yourself to see the negative.”
“Why do you insist on seeing the good?” I retorted, crowding her. Bringing up my mother, my childhood, had dragged all the feelings I kept under lock and key to the surface. Why Fee’s opinion of me mattered, I didn’t understand, but one thing I did know was that it did. It mattered a great deal to me. It felt as if my life were hanging by a thread, waiting for her words.
“Because you can’t. I’ll be the champion for you since you’re doing it for me.”
Her words were barely out of her mouth, and I was kissing her. I yanked her tight to my chest and gripped her wet hair in my fist as I claimed her. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, nothing sweet and loving. It was anger and passion. Frustration and confusion.
And then, it wasn’t.
Fee’s arms wound around my neck, holding me close. Her touch was tender as she ran her fingers through my hair. She let me control her, my tongue demanding and hard, giving to me the entire time. Gentling my touch, I caressed the back of her neck, cradling her head in my hands. I stroked her tongue with mine, earning a low moan deep in her throat. I explored her, discovering her sweetness, reveling in her taste. Moments passed of discovery, losing myself in her, until reality roared back in when my phone rang, the sound echoing off the granite. I stepped back, meeting her wide gaze, the green verdant and startled. In an unfamiliar, tender gesture, I cupped her cheek and pressed my mouth back to hers.
“Thank you.”
She smiled and covered my hand with hers.
“Back at you.”
She slipped away, and I reached for my phone, shocked at my behavior, my lack of control, and the fact that I wished the damn phone hadn’t interrupted us.
I was more confused than ever.
I spent the day with Fee, putting aside my confusion and, for the first time in a very long while, enjoying the free time. She insisted we stop and buy Jay a present, and his reaction to the dinosaur book she picked out was beyond enthusiastic. He sat beside her, showing her all his favorite creatures, telling her the characteristics and lifestyles. She listened to every word, asking questions and encouraging him to talk.
She had that trait down pat. She had me admit things I had never told another person.
I found everything she did fascinating, and it was difficult not to stare at her openly. Luckily, it was a sunny autumn day and the party was on their back deck, so my sunglasses hid my secret.
I noticed everything about her. The way she talked. The habit she had of flicking her hair away from her face, only to repeat the action when the long wave fell back over her shoulder. She was warm and gracious with everyone she met, shaking their hand and repeating their name. Her laugh was light and feminine, and it rang out a lot while we were there. She used her hands to gesture while she spoke. She was small in stature, but she held her head high and her presence was magnetic.
How the hell had Scott Hutchings missed all this about his wife? What the hell was he thinking, letting her go?
I had been worried things would be uncomfortable after our kiss, but she acted as though it never happened, treating me the same as she always did. My ego would have taken a blow, except I caught her more than once staring at my mouth. I had to turn away in order for her not to see my smirk. She was equally fascinated, it would seem.
I had a feeling our fascination was going to lead to some complications. I tried to decide how strongly I was going to fight it.
“So, Fee… A friend, you said?” Carl joined me on the deck.
“And a client. And right now, a temp in the office.” I chuckled. “A bit of everything.”
“She is lovely.”
“She’s having a rough time and is alone. I thought she would enjoy being with some people. I don’t think dealing with my cranky ass at the office all week constitutes fun.”
“You’re not cranky around her.”
I was at a loss for words. Something that kept happening when people brought Fee into the conversation. I recognized he was right, though. It was impossible to be cranky around her. She needed to be treated with care. She deserved that.
“She’d tell you something different, I’m sure. I like to look after my clients. Which is why I’m here,” I stated pointedly.
Carl clapped me on the shoulder. “Yep. Got it.” He walked away, chuckling. “This is gonna be fun.” I glared at his retreating form.
What the hell was he talking about?
Fee stood, taking her tablet and empty glass with her. She had been quiet all night, reading, and I had been busy with some case notes. I tracked her with my eyes, not saying anything.
I held my breath as she paused at the edge of the living room. “Good night.”
Disappointment flooded my system, but I nodded. “Night, Fee.”
I heard her door shut and let my head fall back to the sofa. What did I expect? That she would ask to sleep with me again? That she’d drop her clothes and ask me to fuck her?
Last night had been a one-off. The kiss today had been an outpouring of the emotion we both experienced because of the subject matter. That was all.
It was better that way.
And maybe my body would get the message. A good night’s sleep did wonders for my brain and my energy level. If I slept again tonight, perhaps I could break the cycle of insomnia once and for all.
Except, hours later, I knew I was wrong. My bed wasn’t comfortable. I couldn’t settle. Something was off and I couldn’t decide what it was.
A noise caught my attention, and I sat up immediately. I heard the muffled sounds of footsteps and the running of water. Pushing back the blanket, I opened my door and went to the kitchen. Fee was by the sink, sipping from a glass of water. She met my eyes in the semi-dark, her green orbs worried and dull.
“Can’t sleep?” I asked.
“No.”
“Me either.”
“I was thirsty. I thought I needed a glass of water.”
“I think I know what you need.”
“You do?”
I held out my hand. “Come here.”
She set down her glass and came to me. Trusting and sweet, worrying her lip and hesitant, but she came. I pulled her from the kitchen and into my room. I lifted the blanket and indicated she should get in.
“I can’t…”
“Just sleep, Fee. I need to see if it was a fluke.” I paused. “Or if you’re the difference.”