Becca stepped beside me. “Are you all right, Reid?”
I glanced down at her, offering her a tight smile. “I’m fine. It’s Sandy who needs our help.”
She frowned, edging closer. “I know you spent a lot of time with him. Sandy said Max was very fond of you.” She indicated the guys behind Sandy, watching over her. “She said he was fond of all of her adopted boys.”
“He was very kind. He never judged me. I appreciated his company.”
She slipped her hand into mine. “It’s okay for you to grieve, Reid.”
I swallowed and looked away. “I’m fine.”
She sighed. “You keep saying that. You’re fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine. I think I hate that word.”
I was at a loss how to respond to Becca. Another week had gone by without being alone with her. Without touching her. I missed her easy company and gentle spirit. I missed her body and the deep sense of belonging I had when we were together intimately. I wanted hours to be with her. To talk and laugh. To make love to her. To be us. But Sandy took priority, and Becca understood that.
At least, I thought she did.
“Now isn’t the time to talk about it,” I murmured.
Her hand dropped from mine. “Will there ever be a good time for you?”
I faced her, keeping my voice low. “What does that mean?”
Our gazes locked. Her eyes filled with sadness and confusion. “I know something is going on in your head, Reid. It’s been messing with you since the launch, and now you’re burying it along with your grief. You’re using it to push me away.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m trying to help Sandy. She needs me.”
“Of course she does. She needs all of you. But Bentley, Aiden, and Maddox are still going home to their partners and talking to them. You’ve completely shut me out. Your door is closed at the office, you don’t respond to my texts, and you walk right past my building when you leave Sandy’s at night.”
I frowned. “What?”
“I saw you twice. You went right past me. You could have stopped. Even if all you wanted to do was talk, I would have been there for you.” She cupped my cheek. “I wanted to be there for you, but you refuse to let me.”
I stared at her, silent and tongue-tied, my emotions and fears at war in my head.
She shook her head and stepped back. “You’re right. It’s not the place. But Reid, you need to find the place and the words.” A tear slid down her cheek. “Or I might not keep waiting.”
She slipped through the crowd, walking away from me without a backward glance.
And I let her.
I handed Sandy a cup of tea, the steam carrying the scent of bergamot into the air. She accepted it with an absent smile of thanks. I sat across from her, sipping my cup. I wasn’t big on tea, but I didn’t mind the occasional cup, and Sandy preferred it to coffee.
Glancing around, I grimaced at all the arrangements in the room. Despite the fact that the obituary asked for donations to the MS Society in lieu of flowers, they had arrived daily. The funeral home sent a vast amount of them to various nursing homes and hospitals to add some brightness to those places.
Aaron had left to return to Ottawa, with plans to come back next week. Jennifer had only stayed for the funeral, leaving for Europe the same day, anxious to return to her life. Colin was back at work in the busy ER, having taken most of the week off to be with Sandy.
Bentley, Aiden, and Maddox were at home, after spending the bulk of the day with Sandy. I worked then came to spend the evening with Sandy. Neither of us had eaten much of the casserole someone had brought for dinner, but at least I got her to eat a little.
“This is the hard part,” she mused.
“What?”
She set down her tea, pulling a shawl around her shoulders. With her hair down and free of makeup, she looked younger than her years, despite the exhaustion on her face.
“We had a long time to prepare for this, but I still wasn’t ready. Max always thought the MS would kill him before anything else.” She sighed. “In many ways, he would have preferred it happen this way. He dreaded thinking his body would wither away, leaving him trapped.”
I shifted in my chair, my throat tight.
“People gather when someone dies. They hover and check, make sure the spouse or child is being taken care of, then after the funeral, they go back to their lives, and that person has to learn to live again.” She pulled her legs to her chest, linking her arms around them.
I cleared my throat. “You’re not alone, Sandy. We won’t let you be.”
She shook her head. “No, Reid. You can’t babysit me all the time. It’s part of the process. I have to learn to live again. It will take me a while, but I will do it.”
“I’m here. We all are—anything you need.”
“I know, and I’m fortunate. I never had kids of my own, but I have you boys, and my grandkids—especially Colin. You all bring me so much joy. I consider myself fortunate.” She was silent for a minute, playing with the fringe on her shawl. “I have been very lucky. I have a job I love, people I care about. My marriage was the greatest blessing. I loved Max so much, and he was crazy about me. Right from the moment we met—it was instant. We had a wonderful life together. Not perfect, but no one’s life is. I have so many amazing memories.”
She leaned her cheek on her hands, studying me. “That’s what life is, Reid. Building memories. One sweet moment at a time. You build and store them. They help bolster you when you need them.”
All I could do was nod. I had no words to offer.
“Right before I got the call, I asked you something.”
“We don’t have to talk about that right now.”
“Yes, we do. I know you’re struggling, Reid.”
“It’s not important, Sandy. You’re the one I’m worried about.”
She smiled sadly. “I’m grieving for the life I have lost. For the love that I will miss every day. What you’re doing is far more painful to watch.”
“What I’m doing? I’m n-not doing anything,” I sputtered.
“You’re shutting down. You’re throwing away the chance of a lifetime. You’re letting your doubts and worries dictate your actions.”
My body froze. “What?”
She unfurled her legs and leaned forward. “I know you, Reid. I see you pulling away from Becca. I know why.”
“How?” I choked out.
She chuckled, the sound actually real and amused. “You forget who I am. I see everything that happens in the office. Bentley, Aiden, even Maddox, tell me what’s going on. I know about your passport, your record, even your worries about buying a home.” She threw up her hands. “Those are problems, Reid. Issues. Problems can be solved. Issues overcome. You have friends who will help you. But letting them become bigger than they are, and deciding they dictate your life instead of dealing with them?” She shook her head. “That’s what you’re doing.”
“I—”
She interrupted me. “Do you think Max and I had an easy time of it? Everyone shunned us. Mocked us. Treated him like shit at the hospital for the longest time. People called me every name in the book—all because he was older and divorced. But we loved each other. That was all that mattered. We had each other. We made our life together.”