Reid lifted his head, his expression devastated—pain, fear, and need rolled off him like a tidal wave.
He swallowed, and his voice was rough when he spoke. “I-I didn’t know if you would answer your door.”
“Why are you here, Reid?”
“I-I need you, Becca.”
My heart shattered as I spoke. “I can’t just be the girl you turn to when you need something. It hurts too much.”
“That’s not what you are.”
“What am I?”
Water ran down his face. I didn’t know if it was the rain or tears. His eyes blinked, cleared, and became glossy again.
“My future.”
I grabbed a towel and blanket from the linen closet, and returned to the living room. After his one-word-changed-my-life statement, I had led Reid to the sofa and made him pull off his wet jacket and sneakers. I removed his socks and wrapped his feet in a blanket. His toes were almost blue from the cold, leading me to wonder how long he’d been walking in the rain.
He sat on the sofa, perched on the edge, his hands clasped and head bent. Briskly, I toweled his wet hair.
“You need another trim.”
He looked up, his hazel eyes filled with a new emotion. “Would you cut it?”
“If you want.”
“I want.”
“Okay. Now lose your shirt and pants.”
A glimmer of a smirk tugged his lips. “Shouldn’t we talk first, BB?”
I shook my head. “You’re soaking wet, Reid. You need to take off your clothes before you catch cold. You can wrap this blanket around you, and I’ll toss them in the dryer.” I cupped his face. “We are going to talk. By that, I mean you are going to talk, and I’m going to listen. Understand me?”
His large hands covered mine, and he turned his head, kissing one palm, then the other. “Yes.”
He stood and removed his wet clothes.
I watched him, appreciating his build. He was lean and strong, his skin stretched taut over his muscles, sexy and appealing. His big hands made short work of the buttons and zippers, his long fingers nimble. Thinking about the way he used his body and those fingers to bring me pleasure, I had to avert my eyes before I made the mistake of tackling him to the sofa and fucking him before we talked.
I hoped that would happen afterward.
I threw the wet bundle into the dryer and carried a hot cup of coffee to Reid. He wrapped his hands around the mug and sipped the steaming liquid. A shiver ran through his body.
“Thank you. I needed that.”
I sipped my wine, letting him warm. “How long were you walking in the rain?”
He ran a hand over his face. “What time is it?”
“Almost nine thirty.”
“A little over an hour, I guess.” He met my gaze and shrugged. “I needed to find my courage to come and see you.”
“Well, here you are.”
Tentatively, he reached for my hand, playing with my fingers. He lifted it to his mouth, kissed the palm, and pressed it to his face. “Yes, I am. And you’re here.” His voice sounded thick. “God, I needed you to be here.”
“Tell me why.”
He drained his coffee and set down his mug, then turned to me. “I’ve been struggling.”
“I know that. What I don’t understand is why.”
He exhaled long and hard, picking up my hand again.
“I thought I was moving forward in my life. Moving away from my past. Sandy let me know, without a doubt, I was doing anything but that. I was drowning in my past and letting it swamp me.”
“Tell me, Reid.”
I listened as he told me about his conversation with Sandy. I couldn’t help the tears that flowed down my cheeks as he told me about her statement of wishing she’d had the chance to be his mother.
“She would have been a wonderful mother to you.”
“She would have, but as weird as it sounds, I wouldn’t trade my life until now for that to have happened.”
“Why?”
“If she’d been busy being a mother, she might not have met Bentley and the guys. She wouldn’t be a part of BAM. Neither would I.”
“You would rather have that job than erase a lifetime of painful memories?”
He edged nearer to me so our knees were touching.
“My job brought me to you. I would rather have you in my future than good memories of my past. I want the memories you and I create to be the ones I think of when I’m old and gray.”
My breath caught at his powerful words.
“What brought this on, Reid? Tell me, please.”
He sighed. “It was a combination, Becca. The fact that Maddox was getting married and I realized I might not be able to go because I didn’t have a passport and I wasn’t sure I could get one because of my record. The idea of buying a place for us at some point—I don’t know if I can get a mortgage with my past. I mean, what bank wants to back someone who went to prison for stealing from another bank?” He dropped his head. “All I could think of was I wasn’t good enough for you. That you deserved someone who could give you everything you wanted.”
I took in a deep breath and forced myself to remain calm.
“How do you know what I want, Reid? You never asked. This isn’t the first time you’ve made a decision, based on what you think is best for me, without asking, you know.”
His gaze flew to mine. “I know you want to travel. You’ve said so. You said you’d like to buy a condo in Ridge Towers if you were staying here.”
“Yes, I have said that. I’ve also said I want to bungee-jump and try parasailing, but if it doesn’t happen, my life won’t come to an end.”
He furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand.”
I smiled. “You need to stop deciding what I need, Reid. What would be best for me. You aren’t my parent. I want you to be my partner. I want to discuss things with you. Make decisions together.” I tilted my head. “You know, I somehow managed to make it twenty-five years on my own. I went to school, held down a job, moved three times, and I was part of one of the most successful launches in the history of BAM. All without someone second-guessing if I should be doing those things.” I smirked. “Even my father knows better than to question me when I make a decision in regard to living my life.”
“I don’t want to hold you back.”
I flung up my hands. “There you go again. Who says you’re going to hold me back?”
“If I can’t—”
I shook my head in anger. “Reid, one of the things that drew me to you was your optimism. Your zest for life. The way you tackled every project with a ‘Let’s do this!’ attitude. It was as if nothing was going to stop you. What changed? Why are you letting these doubts overwhelm you?”
His response was immediate. “Because I never had so much at stake until now. Until you.”
“Reid—” I whispered.
“I want to make your life better, Becca, not to cause you worries and issues you shouldn’t have to deal with.”
“Shouldn’t I be allowed to decide what I do and do not want to deal with?”
This time, he remained quiet, thinking over my words. Finally, he spoke.