The words heal as much as they hurt. But he’s right. This house has never been my home. Even if I didn’t know it at the time.
“Ready?” Liz asks as she walks in with my Swiffer and mop.
“Let’s leave those,” I say, taking them from her. “They smell like this house.” I place them back in the garage and turn away from the house, eyeing the truck. “I’m ready.” I put my keys to the doors on the work bench Rod doesn’t use and walk out, closing the garage with the keypad on the outside.
The door touches down on the ground, closing a chapter of my life.
I’m moving from three thousand square feet to fourteen hundred and I’ve never been so excited.
I get into Helen and start her up. It’s a long start because she hates the cold. But her engine revs a little louder, almost as if she’s agreeing with me as we drive away. I look in the rearview mirror once and say goodbye to the house.
I finally understand the word “bittersweet.”
It’s exactly how I feel.
And as I drive away, heading for the city and my new life, the sweet gets stronger and the bitterness stays back in Bedford. A feeling I enjoy more and more the further away from it I get.
Chapter 20
March 28
My phone vibrates, startling Romeo who is in bed next to me.
I tap accept on the Facetime call to see my sister’s smiling face. “Hey,” I say, trying not to stare at the puffiness of her face. She has two months to go and these months always prove to be the hardest for her. She’s on bed rest and no doubt a handful for poor James.
“Hi.” The fake smile lasts a minute before she’s sobbing. The words and tears and heaves all mix so I have no idea what she’s saying.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, trying not to get worked up. This is going to be something crazy like she can’t find the one cereal bowl she likes.
“James—no—doctor—ice cream!”
“James and the doctor have said no more ice cream?” I guess.
“I—need—it! I can’t—I can’t do this!”
“Put James on.”
She cries louder and the phone moves all over, taking video of random things like the ceiling, bedding, a cat, and a kid’s shoe.
A moment later, James takes the phone and holds it up. He grins but I can see it. He’s getting close to the edge. Being home, locked down, two kids, pregnant wife, pets, and work has likely brought him close to the edge.
“How close to The Shining are we talking?” I ask.
“You know that scene in The Witches of Eastwick where that lady is puking cherries and ranting like a psychopath and the husband gets a fire poker and says let’s call it a day?” He waggles his eyebrows, making me chuckle.
“What’s going on?”
“She’s not allowed any more of the Ben & Jerry’s. I got her some ice cream that’s a diet one. Basically, I’ve called her fat, am likely having an affair, and she wants a divorce,” he says. It would be a shocking statement in any other relationship, but she’s dramatic and weekly divorce requests have stopped being taken seriously.
“How are the kids?”
“They’ve become the Lost Boys from Peter Pan. I’m essentially Hook. Liz is Nanny, the dog. It’s chaos.”
“It’s been a week of lockdown. How can it be this bad already?” I am dying laughing and not bothering to hold back. Romeo makes a perturbed face as I’m disturbing his slumber.
“Seven days in adult time means this has gone on for years in kid time. Last week we started online schooling Quinn with his teacher. Do you have any idea what it’s like to online school a kindergartener? The Zoom meetings he has every morning have started giving me hives. If I hear his teacher tell that Anton kid to stop picking his nose once more, I’m driving to Anton’s house.” He sounds as crazy as his eyes suggest he is. “We’re just lucky this week is spring break and today is ten degrees. The kids have played outside some.”
“Would it help if she came to stay with me? Or would it be worse?”
Hope spreads across his face. “You would take her?”
“Well, I’m not keeping her. You’d have to find someone that’s never met her for that to happen. But she could stay with me for a bit. Maybe give you a little break. Why don’t you see if Mom and Dad will take the kids, and focus on work for the week?”
“Can I bring her tomorrow morning?” he asks, desperation coating the words.
“I’ll meet you downstairs in the morning. She’ll be fine here. I haven’t seen anyone except Shawnee and Sam. And not often. I get my groceries delivered. I’m washing them all with Lysol. She will be safe here.” I try to reassure him.
“I love you. Just know that.” He nods and I’m worried he might cry.
“Okay, put her back on the phone.”
The screen does the weird shifting thing again and I’m face-to-face with my sister. “Hi.” She sniffles.
“Hi. So I told James I want you to come here and stay with me. I think you need a week away from the kids and him. Just come here and relax. It’s quiet. It’ll be good for you and the baby.”
She starts to cry but this time they’re happy tears.
“Okay, good. I’ll see you tomorrow. First thing. I love you.”
She waves and wipes her nose and the call disconnects.
My phone instantly rings again with another Facetime. It’s from Brent. He’s beaming when the phones connect.
“Hey,” I say happily.
“Hey, I wanted you to meet Bear. My new boy. I decided to get a dog so the Covid quarantine wouldn’t be so lonely.” He puts the phone at an angle for me to see the big white polar bear of a dog in the yard with him.
“Oh my God,” I gush. “He is so cute. Look at all that fluff.”
“He’s a Maremma. He’s so good. He got right into the truck. I wanted a dog for so long but Elaine hates animals. And I can’t manage a puppy. I’m too busy. Isn’t he perfect?”
“He is. Text me some weekend when the parks open, and I’ll meet you guys for a social-distance walk. Congratulations.” I smile wide.
“Thanks, Lil. I’m pretty pumped. We will call you about a walk. Chat soon?”
“Okay. Bye. Bye Bear.” I wave and the call disconnects.
I don’t know what it is, Brent or the pets we’ve both adopted or the fact I’ve hooked up with Sam, but something makes me nostalgic. A mood that always leads to a dark path. And like an addict, I open Facebook and creep Elaine and Rod. She has unfriended me now but Rod hasn’t. He’s cleaned out his pictures of us and the new ones are of him drinking at bars and in Mexico.
He doesn’t seem to have many photos of her now. Which is weird.
Her profile is locked up and I can’t see what she has.
I wonder if that’s a positive thing.
Maybe God is looking out for me.
Romeo and I snuggle and watch people walking about. They’re wearing light clothing and smiling into the sun.
It’s funny how the outdoors becomes such a haven when everything else is stripped away.