I don’t offer an explanation.
There’s no need for one. The moment our eyes meet he sees the truth.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper but his hands drop to his sides.
He swallows whatever he’s about to say and picks up the bag from the floor.
“I don’t understand.” He furrows his brow. “Did he ask you to break things off?”
“Uhm—he—” This is hell. I wish I was back in the car listening to Elaine tell my husband she missed his cock.
“Jesus, Lil, did he tell you to stop seeing me? It’s pretty straightforward. Yes or no!” He’s angry now and I don’t want him to misunderstand. But the original dilemma is just as relevant as it was fifteen years ago.
“He wanted what was best for you and he didn’t think that was—”
“What did he do?” he shouts at me, making me jump.
“He offered me—”
“No my God.” Disgust and betrayal mix with the fury and shock already on his face. “He offered you money to stay away from me? Did you take it?”
I can’t answer. My already fissured heart breaks completely and the pieces scatter. If there was even a hint of air in the hallway, they would blow off like bits of dust.
“I can’t believe this.” He turns and walks away and I say nothing.
For the second time in my life, Samuel Christianson walks away from me and I don’t try to explain. I want to but the secret and the lies seem too big.
He opens his apartment door with rage. I’m bracing for him to slam it when Liz hurries out of my apartment shouting, “She didn’t take the money! I was there—I saw everything. She didn’t take it, you idiot.” She turns to me, her face is red and puffy, hinting that she’s been crying again. “Tell him!” she screams at the top of her lungs. Mrs. Weaver opens her door once more to see what’s going on.
Sam peers back out at me.
Tears threaten to blind me while choking my ability to speak.
“Your dad came to the apartment and offered Lilly the money to cover the rest of her degree. For two years he would pay everything—tuition, rent, books, and food if she left you alone. She turned him down and got student loans.”
Sam stares at me in disbelief, but my eyes flicker to my sister who holds her belly like she’s fighting something.
“Liz?” I ask.
“She loves you, Sam. She always loved you.” Liz winces and leans on the wall.
“Sam, she’s on bed rest! She’s bleeding,” I say loudly as Liz moans.
Everything else is a blur.
Chapter 23
April 3
A knock at the door as I finish my workday catches me off guard. I walk over and check the peephole, finding Shawnee there. She has a bottle of wine in her hands.
I answer with a wide smile. “Hi. How did you get in without ringing?”
“Some guy let me in on his way out. I came to see my new nephew.” She grins back and walks in.
“Well, he’s sleeping like a log now,” I mutter and take the wine, opening it a bit before the workday is meant to end but also not caring. “So what’s new?”
The phone rings, interrupting her before she can respond.
“It’s James.” I answer, “Hey.”
He speaks impatiently, “Liz’s bleeding, a lot. We’re en route to the hospital. Women’s part of the IWK. Can you meet me there?”
“Coming now,” I say and end the call. “My sister’s bleeding and is going to the hospital in an ambulance,” I repeat the message to Shawnee who points at the door.
“Go!”
“You’ll be okay, here?” I ask her.
“Yes, I’ll hang with the cat.”
I glance over to where he’s sleeping on the sofa. He offers one of those weird cat closed-eye grins. He’s been giving off a lot of those. He and I connected the moment we met and my life has been fuller since.
“Okay. I’ll be back.” I sprint from the apartment, pulling on my mask in the elevator. I’ve forgotten a jacket so I’m shivering as Helen and I make our way to the women’s section of the IWK Hospital.
Security at the front door stops me. “Hi there, we aren’t allowing visitors in the hospital at the moment. Are you here for yourself?”
“My sister was brought here by ambulance. She’s seven months pregnant. She’s bleeding heavily,” I plead. “My brother-in-law called, he’s freaking out. He’s alone in there.”
The officer shakes her head but I see she feels bad for me. “I’m really sorry. You can’t come in. Patients are allowed a single person with them.”
I want to force my way in but the doors beyond this point are locked.
“Okay,” I say, accepting my defeat. I text James, letting him know I’m not allowed inside, but I’m in the parking lot if he needs me.
He doesn’t answer.
I pace impatiently, waiting to hear something.
Slowly, as the cold day seeps into my bones and gives me a bit of a chill, my mind drifts. Memories of Liz and I flit about, making me smile while bringing me close to tears.
It’s the worst sort of hell, waiting for news.
The mind imagines all the worst outcomes.
My fingers are numb and my feet hurt from pacing when I see a face I recognize.
James walks out of the hospital in his mask. “Hey.”
“They won’t let me in.”
“I know. They told me after we arrived. She’s stable. They’re working on her and won’t tell me anything. But they did say she and baby are alive and stable. He wraps himself around me and I hold him tight. His words are exactly what I needed. I suspect he needed them too.
I take a seat on the cold bench next to the front doors and inhale a deep breath. “Oh thank God.” I feel like I’m suffocating in my mask, but I don’t take it off. “Thank you for coming out here.”
“She’ll be here for a few days. You don’t have to stay. I’m staying. Your parents have the kids still. We’re fine. I promise.”
“Okay.” I take another deep breath and wait for the news to reach my heart. “Can you tell Liz I love her?”
“Of course.” He smiles. I can’t see his mouth but his eyes squint with it. “It’s funny, she was making me nuts all week. It was so bad I almost called you, but I know you’re just settling in. She was sleeping in the bed when it happened. Scared the devil out of me. I’m glad it was me and her, and not you there. That’s not something a sister should suffer through.”
“She’s lucky to have you. If you need me, I’m here. And keep me posted when you hear something.”
“I know. Thanks, Lil.” He offers a wave.
I hate this. I turn and walk back to the car. It’s weird leaving and not being allowed to see my sister. This plague sucks. I’m so cold I can’t feel anything. And Helen isn’t warm enough when we drive away.
I drive back home, heart beating too fast and worry not yet subsided though I know she’s fine.
I’m exhausted with stress when I get home, but at least Shawnee is waiting for me. I don’t want to be alone right now.