It takes everything for my eyes to clear.
It’s exhausting and I can’t get my breath.
“Stay calm,” she says softly. Her words whisper across my cheeks.
I blink again and it clears. I see her. We’re not underwater at all.
“Hi,” she says, tears streaming her cheeks. It’s just her. I swear there were others. My dad. My mom. Shawnee. Sam, maybe.
But it’s just us.
The room is dark, barely lit at all.
Other sounds trickle in. Beeps and clicks and air coming from somewhere.
“You’re okay,” Liz whispers. “You’ve been asleep for a while.” She’s lying.
“How—long?” I whisper and it hurts. A lot.
“A while,” she says. “You had a stroke from the concussion. And your poor brain was already struggling with that cyst.” She’s speaking words but I don’t know what they mean. I can separate them and know them apart but together the sentence makes no sense.
Her words and my effort are too much.
I’m tired. I close my eyes and the lovely darkness calls me back to it.
“Stay with me, Lil,” Liz whispers.
But I can’t.
I know that now.
The water is better.
“She’s awake!” Liz is loud.
“Lil?” Sam’s voice echoes as I dunk below the surface again. “Lil?”
“She was awake. She asked how long and what happened.” Liz sounds funny. Desperate. “Why is she falling back to sleep? Should we wake her up?”
“Coma patients can take weeks to wake up. She’s likely been waking for a while now.” Sam touches my hand. But it’s weird., like he’s reached down into the water to find me “Lil, can you hear me?”
I can.
“Come back to me,” he whispers against my cheek.
But the water is nice. It’s calm and warm and there’s a light. It doesn’t hurt my eyes. It refracts in the ripples of water and makes beams.
“Romeo is doing well. He’s been staying with me. We keep each other company. We miss you,” he mutters and his voice sounds funny now too.
It’s not desperate anymore.
It’s reconciled.
Chapter 47
December 24
“A bit further,” Sam says, walking me through the Grand Parade toward the cenotaph.
“We have the family Christmas Zoom in an hour. What are we doing out here?” I wrap my arms tightly around myself.
“I have to give you your present.” He walks on.
“It’s cold!”
“It’s three degrees, you’re fine,” he says.
We walk until we get to the church yard at St. Paul’s. He checks his watch and turns.
A smile crests his lips as he faces me.
Ding!
He drops to his knees.
Chapter 48
December 24
Unknown location
“I love you forever,” Sam whispers and the water rises.
It gets cold though.
The warmth is gone.
The light at the end is bright.
In the distance I hear something. I know this sound.
Ding!
The water above me ripples.
Chapter 49
December 24
Sam lifts a small turquoise box.
Ding!
My heart drops and my hands grip into fists.
“From the moment I met you, I knew.”
Ding!
“And we’ve wasted a lot of time already, so I don’t want to waste any more. Because I lo—I love you, Lilly.” His exhale is white and icy in the frigid temperature.
Ding!
Chapter 50
December 24
Unknown location
Ding!
“I’ll take care of Romeo,” Sam whispers.
I think he knows that the light is getting bigger.
Ding!
The bell tolls for me.
I close my eyes in the water and let the current take me to the light.
Ding!
In the light, I get a glimpse of something. I see us, me and Sam. We’re in a different time, a different place, a different us.
We’re better. We’re happy. We’re whole.
All our dreams are coming true.
Snow begins to fall. Fluttering so beautifully all around her.
I think only one of us can have this, this future.
It’s five pm on Christmas Eve and my two worlds become one.
I leave so she can live.
Chapter 51
December 24
It begins to snow, as if Sam made a deal with God.
I lean back, letting the flakes fall on me.
Ding!
The final bell for five o’clock rings on Christmas Eve.
The wind whispers over me, blowing something away. Something I don’t have the clarity to see. But I feel it. The end of whatever it was.
I look back down at Sam still kneeling.
My heart is racing with fear and hope and a bit more fear.
But he says exactly what I want to hear, not what I’m scared he’ll say.
“Renovate that house with me!” He hands me the blue box.
People are watching. I think someone is filming.
It takes a second for the words to flit about in my mind. Then a wide grin spreads across my face. I take the box and open it, finding a silver key.
He stands, staring down on me.
“You bought the house?” I ask, scared of the answer.
“I did.”
I think for a second before I speak, “Okay—yes,” I say, looking up at him. “I love you too, Sam. I think I always have.” I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips into his.
People are cheering all around us.
It’s the best feeling in the world.
The snow falls on us, making that whispering sound in the cool air.
He slips his hand in mine and squeezes it tightly. Déjà vu hits me and I am overwhelmed again with that feeling I can’t quite grasp. A sensation of loss and grief I can’t explain. It’s as if an old me, a version I no longer want to be or have within me, has died.
The girl I was and the girl I am have officially parted ways.
“I can’t believe you bought it,” I mutter as we stroll the Grand Parade back to the apartment.
“You can’t?” He spins me to face him again. “Really?”
“Well, I can. Because it’s something rich people like you do. But I also can’t because this is a crazy huge commitment.”
“Investment,” he says and kisses me. “This is an investment. And a great test for the relationship I was committed to the moment it started. Maybe even before. Maybe I’ve been committed to you since I met you.” He squeezes my hand and walks us toward home. “Because, if we can renovate a house together, we can do anything.”
“I think we already know we can do anything,” I say and kiss his cheek.
“Yeah, we can. Merry Christmas, Lil.”