The house fills me with longing and sadness.
Opposite the closet of a kitchen, is a large living room with a stunning but decrepit fireplace and mantel. I imagine how it was before, when someone cared for this house. There are rickety French doors to the backyard and a small patio that’s broken up.
Up the creaky stairs, we find three bedrooms and a single bathroom. It’s like something from a scary movie. Odd little cupboards and closets and short doors leading to storage in the walls.
The ceilings upstairs are quite high too. The windows are big and bright but the wood has long rotted like the rest of the house.
The old wooden floors have marks and stains and in one room they’re covered over by disgusting beige carpet.
The air doesn’t move and I taste the dust and despair in it as I walk from room to room.
We arrive back at the foyer, meeting up like a team of ghost hunters.
“Well?” James asks.
I gulp down the answer I want to say and mutter, “This would be a lot of work.”
“Yeah, it would be. But imagine it,” he says, his eyes lighting up. He can see it too.
Sam lifts his eyebrows, anticipating my answer.
“No.” I shake my head. Lying to us all. “It’s too much.” I turn on my heel and walk out, already crunching numbers on the way to the SUV.
I could put down twenty percent comfortably, restore the top floor with contractors who would update the plumbing and electrical and roof. Get it completely functional and safe, then move in and save myself the rent payment while I restore the main floor.
“No,” I say again, but to myself this time.
“Lil, think about it.” James smirks, surely aware I’m already working it out.
“Kiss my sister and the kids,” I shout and climb in, not saying anything else.
My mind whirls with possibilities.
“Good surprise or bad surprise?” Sam asks as he gets in and takes off his mask, sanitizing his hands and then mine.
“Good,” I answer, trying not to be preoccupied with the house. I turn and feel my expression lighten when our eyes meet. “The best surprise.”
His eyes sparkle with delight. “Then buy the house.”
“I need to go home and write it all down and see how much it will be,” I say offhand, not wanting to explain to him how this process works. When I want something, I cost out every penny of it down to the tiniest payment. It’s not something I let other people see. Except Liz and Shawnee who think it’s a superpower.
As we drive away, I slide my hand into his where he’s resting it. “Thank you,” I say. What I don’t say is thank you for thinking of me. For recognizing something I would love. For showing me that I am on your mind.
He doesn’t know how big this is.
But I do.
Chapter 42
November 23
Unknown location
I lie back and let the water envelope me.
I think I’ve been here for a while.
Though I don’t know where here is.
It’s nice.
Quiet.
I can think, though I don’t.
My thoughts are fuzzy and distant.
Chapter 43
November 23
The bank is quiet when I arrive for our appointment. Covid is out of control and everything in the city is restricted.
When I hurry into the large office, the banker, an old friend from college, is waiting.
“Hi, Harry.” I smile and wonder if he can tell with the mask.
“Lilly, how are you?” he asks and points at the chair.
“Great, how are you?”
“Good. Surprised by Rod’s news.” He raises his eyebrows.
“Surprised that we’re separated and he’s buying a new house and engaged and having a baby already?” I nod, hoping he hears the humor and not the bitterness. “Well, they’ve been dating for about fifteen years, so I guess they know each other well enough.” I wink and he stares, emotionless.
“Fifteen years? But you’ve been marr—” He pauses. “I see. How are you?” he asks again but this time he means it differently.
“Actually, really good. I’ve got a cat finally, Romeo. That was a dream-come-true moment. And work is amazing. Even with Covid. Everyone in the family is doing well. No one has gotten sick. Liz had a third baby, Lillian. She’s a delight. And you remember Sam Christianson from university—?”
“Dr. Sam?” He lifts his eyebrows again.
“Yeah, we just started seeing each other.” I’m not scared to say that aloud.
“I always thought you would end up together.” He smiles, making his eyes wrinkle above the mask. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” I sit back in the seat. “And you? You’re managing this plague all right?”
“I am. Very lucky to be working still and no one is sick.” Harry smiles, making his eyes squint so I know he is. “Are you okay to wait for Rod?” he asks, aware of who Rod is. Quite aware.
“Not really. I’m on my lunch break, so I need to be quick. Can I sign and go? Would that be okay?”
“Sure. We’re splitting everything evenly and I am reinvesting your portion?”
“Yes, please.” I try to sound calm and indifferent but I’m annoyed. As usual, Rod is late, as if his time is more important than anyone else’s. And all of this was his bloody idea.
“Great.” He starts turning paperwork around and explaining what it all is. I sign multiple times. “Excellent. Well, it was nice seeing you, Lil. I’m happy things are good for you.”
“Yes, and I’ll be in soon to talk to the mortgage lady. I’m thinking about buying a house,” I say though I have yet to commit to it. I’ve gone back for a look twice, plotted the entire renovation, and have already spoken to the contractor who would take on the part I would need done by her.
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this but make certain you don’t use any of the money acquired during your marriage. Otherwise, there could be disputes when you divorce as to what the marital assets are.” He winks.
“Yes, I will be cautious.” I laugh and walk to the door. “Thank you, Harry. And I hope you have a great holiday.”
“You too. Stay safe.”
I wave and walk from the office, meeting Rod as I round the corner. He passes me, clearly not recognizing me in the mask. I continue to head for the main doors but he says my name, “Lil?” he sounds confused.
I turn. “Hey, I’ve signed so Harry is just waiting for you.”
“Oh my God, you look amazing. I didn’t recognize you.” He strolls back toward me. Even seeing his eyes makes me want to punch him in the face, but I maintain my cool. “How are you?”
“What?” I scoff. “I signed your papers, Rod. Goodbye.” I turn and walk out, making sure I add an extra something to my strut. In my mind I’m Beyoncé, walking a catwalk in my pencil skirt and heels.
It likely doesn’t resemble that in any way but fuck him and his “you look good.”
No!