This time, his words were more clipped and his eyes flashed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Haley guessed. “Things got worse for your mom?”
The fight went out of his stance and she knew she’d guessed right. “There’s no improvement from the chemo and radiation.”
“I’m sorry,” Haley said and meant it.
“I signed the DNR tonight,” he admitted heavily. “There won’t be any more treatment.”
If he’d known or suspected the truth before, the reality was hitting him now. Haley waited and watched, more than ready to listen.
Damon hauled his hand out of hers and shoved it through his hair. He swallowed and she was shaken by the anguish in his eyes. “But it’s not your concern.”
He wanted to put distance between them so badly, but he’d made the effort to come and see her. Haley had to think that he needed to talk to someone—and she was the only one in the vicinity.
“You know, I’m starving,” she said lightly. “Instead of saying thanks your usual wonderful way, why don’t you come up for something to eat instead? I’m not much of a cook, but the world always looks better after scrambled eggs and toast.”
“Scrambled eggs and toast?” He looked skeptical and Haley smiled a little.
“Perfect food.”
“Not hardly.”
“I really like scrambled eggs and it’s not good to eat something heavy at this hour.” Haley turned her key in the lock, noting that he didn’t leave. “Come on. Maybe my scrambled eggs will change your perspective.”
Damon shook his head, almost smiling.
“Keep me from eating alone. Come on.”
“Just to eat?”
“Exactly. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Then eggs it will be.”
His eyes narrowed a little but he caught the top of the door. “You’re not going to argue with me about ending it?”
“Ending the thing? I didn’t think we even had a thing, actually.” There was no one in the lobby. “We had sex and it was great, but a thing is something else altogether.” She punched the button for the elevator, aware that he was watching her. “I thought it was one point of agreement between us.”
He made a sound that might have been a muffled laugh. “I was all ready for a fight. You know, the usual one about the future and commitment.”
“It’s not my usual one,” Haley said and stepped into the elevator. “I don’t like to argue. It’s bad for the digestion.”
Damon filled the elevator again, as much with his raw size as his presence. Haley knew he was watching her and halfway wondered if she could change his mind about sex. She dared to say that out loud. “Sex might be good for you, you know. It helps a multitude of ills.”
“So, this is pity?”
Haley laughed as the elevator doors opened at her floor. “No. I like you. I think you need someone to talk to and I volunteer.” She bumped his shoulder, then continued to her apartment.
“You’re doing it again,” he accused as he followed her.
“Doing what?”
“Looking out for others first.”
“It’s a habit.” She flashed him a smile.
He leaned down beside her as she unlocked her apartment door. “So, why is it that you didn’t think this was a thing?”
“It can’t be a thing because I don’t want one.”
“Everybody wants a relationship.”
Haley shook her head, ushered him inside and locked the door. “Not me.”
“I don’t believe it.” He took her coat and hung it up, then hung up his own. They both left their boots on the tray.
Haley turned on the lights, closed the shades and went to the kitchen. “Well, you should. It’s true. I wouldn’t lie to you and I’m not deluded.”
“It’s like the candles.”
Haley laughed. “Maybe.” She pointed to the bar stool on the other side of the counter. “Sit. It’s a small kitchen and I can manage eggs on my own.”
Damon did as instructed, still watching her. “If you were anybody else, I’d think you surrendered that too easily.”
“But I’m only me.”
“And you’re very honest.” He braced his elbows on the counter as she got out the eggs. “So, tell me, why don’t you want anything more? Or is it just that you’re smart enough not to want more with me?”
“How could you be the issue?”
“I know I can’t give you more than we’ve had.”
“I don’t know why you’d think it would be bad to have more of the same.”
“You know what I mean. The problem with coming back is that people, women, start to have expectations about the future.”
“Well, I’m the odd one out, then. I just wanted sex and I’d still be up for more of it.”
Damon seemed to be perplexed. “Why?”
“Why not?”
“Why don’t you want more?”
Haley broke eggs into a bowl, considering her reply. She’d only tell him half of the story, but it would be more than enough. “Because I know better.” He shrugged, inviting her to elaborate. “My parents had a love affair that was the envy of everyone they knew. They met in high school, fell in love at first sight, and loved each other more with each passing day. They had four kids and built a life together. They worked hard and they loved with all their might and everybody, everybody, held them up as an example of the perfect marriage.” Haley paused for breath, noting how Damon was looking confident.
“See? You must want the same thing.”
“Except that when I was sixteen, my father walked into the World Trade Center, doing the job he loved almost as much as he loved my mom, and he never came out again. My mother’s life was destroyed. Her heart was ripped out and shredded with his death, and she became a shadow of her former self. My sister and younger brother were too young to understand. My big brother didn’t know what to do. I was the one who had to help my mom get through the loss of the man who was more important to her than life itself.”
Damon sobered and waited.
Haley whisked the eggs while the skillet heated. “I picked her up every morning, and I held her tight every night. I didn’t know anyone could cry that much. She tried to put on a good face for friends and family, but she poured her heart out to me.” Haley frowned as she felt her own tears rise at the memory. “I decided then that I would never ever permit myself to be that vulnerable.” She shook her head. “I was sixteen when I chose to be the one with the career. I’d put everything into my job and that would make me happy—and no one could ever take it away from me.”
It wasn’t the whole truth, although it was true as far as it went. She quickly put out the dishes and cutlery, then put some bread in the toaster.
“But that’s not true,” Damon protested. “People lose their jobs all the time.”
“Can you slice this, please?” she asked, giving him a tomato, a cutting board and a knife. He did as requested.
“But nurses can always find a position somewhere. Look around: I’m ready to go anywhere at any time. I have all the credentials I need and more.”