“That’s what you meant when you said you take care of yourself.”
“Absolutely.”
“But isn’t it lonely?”
“I work too much to be lonely.”
Damon arched a brow, looking skeptical as he finished slicing the tomato. “So, here’s the other side of the story. My dad died when I was six and my mom was devastated by the loss. He was the love of her life and she never stopped mourning him. But I took the opposite lesson from that. I believe that when you find someone to love, you should love them with all your might, because no one knows how long you’ll have.”
Haley gave him a look. “You do not.” She stirred the eggs, which were cooking quickly, then got down some plates. She pushed down the button on the toaster, then began to serve the eggs.
“What?” He seemed to be startled that she was challenging him.
“You don’t believe that. You can’t believe that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re alone, and I don’t believe that a man like you would be alone unless he chose to be alone.” She offered him the plate of eggs and he held her gaze for a minute before taking the plate.
“Extenuating circumstances,” he said and averted his gaze. “This looks great.”
“Uh huh.” Haley gave him a plate with toast and the butter dish. “Jam? Peanut butter?”
“Neither, thanks.” He took a bite. “Okay, you might be converting me. This is really good. Thank you.”
Haley gave him a wicked smile as she came around the counter to take the other seat. She sighed. “I like it so much better when you say thanks the other way.”
Damon chuckled and gestured to the couch. “If we end up there tonight, doesn’t that mean we have a thing?”
“No, it means you’ve said thanks. Again. No more and no less.”
He made a growly sound of disagreement but was too busy eating to argue.
Haley knew the opportunity to explain wouldn’t last but she wanted him to know that she really didn’t expect a long term commitment. “It’s like mermaids.”
“Mermaids?”
“I can like the idea of mermaids without believing they actually exist or that I’m going to meet one when I go to the beach.”
“Okay.”
“I can even like the idea that other people believe in mermaids without believing in them myself.”
Damon nodded. “But will you ever find a mermaid if you don’t believe in them?” he asked, not really talking about mermaids at all.
Haley shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really care. Maybe I wouldn’t even recognize a mermaid if I saw one.”
Damon leaned closer, his gaze locked upon her. “What about Garrett?” he asked softly. “How does he fit into this?”
Haley was shocked. “Garrett?”
How did Damon know about Garrett?
His gaze was unswerving. “You say his name in your sleep.” He nodded. “And smile.”
Haley looked down at her plate, appalled that she had been so indiscrete. Even asleep. “That’s not your business.”
Damon grinned. “That’s what I thought.”
Haley caught her breath, hearing his implication that she was deluding herself, if not him as well. “Garrett was a mistake,” she admitted, her words husky. “I broke my own rule, and proved to myself how right it was.”
“You loved him?” Damon was very interested in her reply, so interested that Haley found herself blushing. She knew he noticed that, too.
“Passionately,” she admitted, the eggs tasting like dust to her.
“You still do?”
“Absolutely. He was The One, but he married someone else.” Haley shrugged. “That takes me out of the game of spotting mermaids forever.”
Damon didn’t say anything.
She risked a glance his way to find his eyes dark. She felt the urge to warn him. “I’ll never love anyone the way I loved Garrett.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
“It doesn’t matter. I knew better, but I ignored what I knew, so the lesson is learned.”
“And now there’s only work,” Damon concluded. “And sex.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
He slanted a bright glance her way. “Maybe I like you enough to want you to have more.”
“I don’t want more.”
“Maybe you should.”
Haley felt defensive. “No. I like this. It’s simpler and it makes me stronger.” She spun to her feet and carried the dishes around the counter to the sink, needing something to do with her hands. “It’s sensible. As long as I don’t surrender my heart to any one person, I can police my boundaries. I can decide when I’ve given enough and I can stop, and I can protect myself from the kind of hurt my mom still experiences to this day.” Despite her words, Haley felt raw and vulnerable, as if she’d shared too much. She cleaned the dishes quickly, unable to even glance Damon’s way.
She didn’t know what she’d do if he touched her.
Yes, she did know.
But it was just sex.
“I’m sorry,” Damon said quietly. “Garrett was an idiot.”
“No, he’s brilliant. Handsome, brilliant, he has it all.”
Damon snorted. Haley glanced at him, her heart skipping at the heat in his eyes. Their gazes held for a long moment, one that made her breath catch in her throat.
Then Damon got to his feet and turned away. He reached for his jacket and Haley understood. After he walked out the door, she was never going to hear from him again. A lump rose in her throat, one that challenged her own claim that it was just sex, but she ignored it.
She still wanted more.
Damon came around the counter, moving with that feline grace that made her knees weak. “Thanks for the eggs and the conversation.”
“Don’t go,” she said, her voice a mere whisper.
“I can’t do this anymore, Haley,” he murmured in reply.
“Just keep your promise and say thanks,” she replied. “Just one last time.” She saw him hesitate, but stretched up to touch her lips to his. Her heart fluttered at that fleeting contact, but he didn’t kiss her fully.
He was going to turn her down.
He was going to leave.
But then he sighed and lifted a hand to her cheek, sliding his fingers into her hair. He looked at her as if she held the keys to the universe and the corner of his mouth lifted in a tentative smile.
“I’ll have to do it twice,” he murmured, his breath across her lips. “Given the eggs.”
“Of course,” Haley managed to say, relief flooding through her, before Damon claimed her mouth in a hungry kiss.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and wished for the night to last forever.
Even though she knew it wouldn’t.
Six
It felt wrong to leave.
It would be even more wrong to stay.
Damon left Haley’s bed and her apartment without waking her. He walked home, across the park, not caring if it was safe or not. All he could think of was Haley’s fierce conviction that she didn’t want love or commitment in her life.